Reviews for Shines Too Brightly
Call me Longstride chapter 23 . 1/22/2012
Badger In Disguise chapter 23 . 11/12/2010
To be honest, I felt that the last two chapters felt rushed, and that the chapter that was supposed to be an explaination was all jumbled up. I had know idea what anyone was talking about, and then there were loose strings that you left untied at the end of this, unless I just missed them in the mess of a conclusion. The ending, also, seems really forced, not so real, and VERY unsatisfying. There was no love or connection that was felt with Marcus, he felt flat and srtifical,a plot device rather than a character. I did, however, love your characterization of both Apjrodite and Apollo. Then, here arises a problem. I much perferred Apollo and Cassie to Cassie and Marcus, mostly because he felt much more alive than Marcus did. Also, I had no idea what her parents had to do with anything in the end, because I feel that you left that out. Perhaps you used a myth that I was not familiar with, and most readers probably aren't going to be familiar with. If you're going to do something like that you may want to tell the readers in the beginning that they should read up on sucha nd such myths...

Another thing I felt you should do...stay consitent with your names. You switch back and forth between Roman and Greek versions of the names when i felt like you should have stuck with one. And why were you spelling Jupiter with two p's. I have never seen it spelled that way.

I'm not sure what to say, because I really enjoyed this story, but then I was really dissapointed. You write so eloquently, you weave in native language to make it seem much more real, and you seem to have at least done moderate research. I just don;t under stand how you could have gone so wrong. The last few chapters I found myself skim reading to find out merely what happened, because the story was draggin on. I fel that you gave characteristics to certain characters that waere not merited nor relevant (why is Pan a horny semi-rapist?)...i just don;t know what to say.

On a side thought, I don't mean to be rude, I don't mean to be mean, but I jus thave a passion for good writing, so I can't stand to see something like this happen to such good writing. I mean, why does she just suddenly give up on apollo? Didn't they have something? Why choose Marcus, when she knew he was under the Obession? You need to clarify, and to make the motives clear when you're not deliberately hiding them for plot. The end just felt so unrealistc because there was no motive. i haope you've actually read through all of this, because I've been typiing for ten minute,s i have noIidea how many spelling errors are in this, and I really need to go to sleep.

One last thing. I liked the story, I really did. I just felt that the ending really neede refining, really needed to be looked at again, reworked, however you prefer to word that.

I'm going to bed.
Badger In Disguise chapter 9 . 11/12/2010
actually, the Roman equivalent of Hecate is Trivia. Also, I do not believe these two civilizations existed at the same time as one another. And, based on the social struture of the Greek Polis (or city-state), an outsider would not be very welcomed, they would be a slave, and people do not leave the Polis unless they are banished. They considered those who lived outside the Polis to be Gods or Monsters.

But, I'd have to say that despite this, I like how your story has been so far, although you might want to reasearch more thouroughly next time. Your writing is beautiful and it flows very nicely.
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high.voltage chapter 23 . 3/29/2010
Loved it from beginning to end. Great concept. It taught, and remided me of a few things. I even researched things while reading your story. Very interesting. I wanted to read a good mythology fic, and this was the perfect one.
eaststar chapter 23 . 12/29/2009
Extremely confusing at the end but the rest was very engaging and I really enjoyed your story.
percabeth1107 chapter 1 . 11/19/2009
It's really good! You have real talent, and I don't say that much. I intend to become an author and I have an eye for this kind of stuff so it really has to be good. I'll say that a story is good but I rarely say someone has talent
mrmistoffelees chapter 23 . 11/11/2008
Excellent story!
Unknown Goddess chapter 23 . 7/21/2008
Wow. That was wonderful. One of the best pieces of work that I have read in a long time and probably *the* best Greek Mythology fic I've ever read period. Beautiful job.

-Unknown Goddess
claireponcherrii chapter 1 . 4/24/2008
Go Mythology!
Litta chapter 23 . 3/12/2008
This was an amazing story! You have such a great writing style, and you combine your own original ideas with the mythological stories everyone knows into a beautiful masterpiece. Awesome job!
a beginner chapter 23 . 3/9/2008
a nice one

gr8 one
chi chi chi chi chapter 23 . 1/5/2008
what a lovely story!

I just discovered this, and I must say, wow!

your characters are startlingly real to be in such a supernatural setting, and the way in which they interacted with one another was absolutely fabulous.

Apollo was definitely interesting, and always captivated my attention when he made an appearance. The same went for Aphrodite and Eros, then Artemis at the end. The way you portrayed the gods in your work was unique, I think, as they were nearly human at some points and then obviously divine at another. It was fascinating.

Your steady incorporation of Latin words was also very intriguing. I personally have only just begun studying the language and loved it when you introduced new words. Marvelous, really.

To top it all off, it was also very historically correct, or at least as far as I feel a work of this nature needs to be, since it isn't as much historical as it is mythological. It was a stunning work, and that's all that matters.

Great job on a fantastic piece!
Catherine Carter chapter 23 . 12/1/2007
Wow! An excellent chapter, and a great way to end the story. I've really enjoyed reading this, and look forward to your future writings!

~Catherine Carter
Catherine Carter chapter 22 . 11/3/2007
What you have is excellent. The writing is truly superb - you've got some great phrases in there.

The only thing I'd say is that it seems rushed. Slow down a bit, take your time, explain a bit more. Specifically Aphrodite's story and when all the different gods come near the end.
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