|Reviews for Isolation: Project BIRN|
| Adri Manasaki chapter 1 . 5/1/2007
I wonder if you can guess who this is... I wonder how many times you visit this site. You should so update. I mean, I know you have more than just three chapters... Well I'll see you this summer... I'm comin over.
| Kaiser Ryouga II chapter 2 . 2/24/2006
I haven't delivered a review to anyone in months but now is as good a time as any, seeing as how I wanna get back into the writing world. So here we go. As far as the storyline goes, I can't make any overall comments - there's too little I've seen of the byplay between the main characters and this exodus from 'Isolation'. But I love super-organizations (so Isolation itself is quite welcomed) and I love half-suicidal lead characters; so this 'Nightstrike' woman does a lot for me, therefore I'm more than willing to let my interest in this character carry me until the plot is fleshed out a little more.
I also like the three types of beings at work here. The 'Tech', 'Hybrid' and 'Genesis' dynamic. But I can't understand what fixture they all work into though. Are they three different types of some biotechnological race of superweapons? If so, then it might be a good idea to give them some kind of uniform name to be distinguished by (if you've done so throughout the first chapter and the prologue and I somehow missed it, then forget that point).
In terms of characterization, I can't speak very frankly. I'd need to see more first; but what I do see I like. Nightstrike comes off with a kind of assertive Shinji Ikari vibe - struggling with something she doesn't want and can't rightly get rid of. And Korina...? She has a nice disposition. Cold without being stoic, if you know what I mean. I can't say for sure that you intended that result or not, but for the record, that's the impression I got from her. Orph and Fahron? I've nothing definitive to say about either in terms of characterization. Despite the quite interesting (if not convoluted) monologue that Orph extended in the prologue, I don't get anything more than the powerful henchman image from either of them.
I consider those to be the positives of this story. And the negative? I'll be brief, since I don't want to seem condescending to a story I have so far actually enjoyed;
1) The way the story is written is a little confusing. Especially in chapter one. The POV bounces between Nightstrike/Kuroten and Korina in the space of sentences; which can make it hard to really see who is talking or being focussed on in the narrative.
2) Grammatical errors. There is nothing here I haven't done myself in some way, shape or form. But every now and again little grammar errors crop up through the text; I don't know if that's something you two maybe wanna have a look at.
3) There's a deficit in descriptive narrative; which leads into two other issues - very little description of location and of action. I can't get a 'feel' for this world and city. Does it have a name? Is it part of the real world (i.e. New York, London, Tokyo, Paris, etc) or some fictional world that the two of you created? There's a point somewhere in the story where Korina (I think) kills someone that has Kuroten in a tricky situation. I assume the guy was stabbed, but there's no actual comment about how he dies - which seemed odd when a point is made further on about a 'bloody sword'. The moment is kind of inferred rather than addressed.
Anyways, those are just minor grievances, nothing that can't be worked out in future chapters. I'm looking forward to seeing how this story goes from now on (assuming that you both plan on updating) and if the point isn't made clear from what I just said above - I quite enjoyed what I've seen so far. _
Keep at it.
Kaiser Ryouga 2
| Shedoesntevencare chapter 1 . 1/7/2006
This is...different. But good, I like you and your friends writing style. I also wanted to thank you for reveiwing my stoyr. Your story is great I hope you update soon
| springish chapter 1 . 12/8/2005
Hm, I like this idea. It's definitely something I haven't read yet, though I wonder why nobody else has reviewed because it's a pretty damn good storyline. Just a suggestion: maybe you should point out that your friend writes in bold and so forth at the start of the chapter, because throughout the whole chapter I was under the assumption that there were two people talking separately, and it got a little confusing. Interested to see how this pans out. :) Keep writing.