Reviews for Finish Me Off
CKB chapter 6 . 4/26/2009
The story moves nicely but I really think you should cut out the passages of description that focus on appearances and rooms. It interrupts the flow and is too much description at once. I think what would make it very interesting is if you had a noticeable change in the manner of speech of the characters as you switch points of view. For example, if Tristan was very Irish in his manner, it would be a nice contrast to Scarlett's Americanism. Tristan would call his 'cell' a mobile phone, cabinets would be presses, faucets are taps etc. Also the 'ach lass' thing is unrealistic. A 20 year old Dub would speak very differently to that; definitely wouldn't use the word klutz. The shooting range and the whole 'prep' and 'finishing' schools idea is hard to reconcile with Ireland but I know it's your story and, hence, your prerogative.

There's def something about your story anyway, it's keeping me reading! :L
CKB chapter 5 . 4/26/2009
I like the story so far. It flows nicely but I think maybe you should lay off all the physical descriptions of people though. It's better writing to show, rather than tell. It also jars the flow of the piece a little bit. If you need help with an Irish perspective and slang words etc I'm Irish born and bred. What I noticed in this chapter included dorm, which is an American term, headmistress - we say principal, the states - we just say America really.

Yeah and 'lass, ye, aye' etc are outdated and more Scottish really. They're just not used. We do say ye but to indicate plural, not singular. Dublin slang is very particular, very specific. I'm from the south so we've different slang to Dubs but era some overlap. Example:

'How are you?' 'what's the craic/what's the story?', or even just 'craic/story?' by themselves.

I'm not trying to put you down or anything; I like the story, I just think it's more authentic to have it as realistic as possible. :)
CKB chapter 3 . 4/26/2009
Interesting story, I'm intrigued...

Just a few points about Ireland though! If you wanna play up the Irishness of the story, and I think you should as it's based here :), then you've a couple of mistakes you should correct.

Tristan obviously is a very American name. It's grand that he's called Tristan but it's not a name you'd hear over here.

Cops are guards. An Garda Siochana. That's their official name and NO Irish person would ever call them cops unless they'd been overdosing on the American sitcoms! :)

'Lass'...yeah, I suppose some people use it but it's not something the younger generation would use.

Gas pedal accelerator.

And 'finishing school' and 'prep' are not terms you'd come across here really.

Sorry to be nit-picking; it's all small things really, but the small things form the backbone of the story. It's just more authentic if you use Irish terms, especially when writing from Tristan's point of view.
sarcasm is my middle name chapter 25 . 4/14/2009
Wow, you started this story four years ago?

I'm impressed; most writers develop writer's block, or put the story on Hiatus...

This is such a great story, thank you!

I actually think it's better than Ellie and Donovan's story; i'm glad they're getting married!

The time travelling thing was weird, but well-written.

I can't wait to find out what happens in the story, and whether or not Brian will be back!
the face behind the mask chapter 24 . 3/4/2009
hehe oops, i just reviewed your last update then realized i forgot to add you to my favs and such hehe :)
the face behind the mask chapter 25 . 3/4/2009
i jusr read up to this chapter over the past couple days, and have to say that i love it. it is a pretty cool story line. i think that it would have been better to have a few more chapters about them in the past, some more details to make it seem more significant. umm, also i know that you have large gaps between when you write but the only thing i really noticed is that in one chapter you would say that something is a couple days away, then the next it would be weeks away. other then that i love it and cant wait for the next chapter! :)
Sure as the Dawn chapter 25 . 2/18/2009
What a wonderful chapter! I'm glad that you're back!
dani-sgga chapter 25 . 2/17/2009

I'm a new reader! I read the story up to chapter 23 about 3 weeks ago and I'm glad I did... especially now that you are writing again.

I will drop you a line every so often with comments and all that jazz!

I assume you've had a long hiatus with this story (judging by your comments) so welcome back!

Briana Banana chapter 25 . 2/17/2009
Yay your back...I missed your story so much... I really love the story line and was kinda sad to see come to a halt...I hope that you update soon and will be waiting patiently for.

killer chipmunk chapter 25 . 2/17/2009
lol it has been awhile but I'm just glad that you started back up writing! :) Keep on keeping on! It's still a good

story don't worry. Hope you write more soon!

ItalianQT chapter 25 . 2/17/2009
Yeah! I'm really happy that you decided to continue your story! I think it's really cute! I can't wait for the wedding! Update soon! :-)
LiL PiNk 9o chapter 25 . 2/16/2009
I am still reading it... I have to admit that I had forgotten about it and had to reread some stuff... But I really like it...

(I don't remember if I ever reviewed before, but I started this a long time ago)
Lucy-the-bookworm chapter 25 . 2/16/2009
You are right your writing sytle has changed, but I enjoyed the chapter. I'm soo excited to see you are back again. I really like Tristan and Scarlett's story.
UrFaveFreek chapter 24 . 2/14/2009
Urg! U got my hopes up! Hurry I luv this story
ItalianQT chapter 23 . 2/7/2009
Just read your story! I thought it was really good! I really do hope you continue the story! And the reason why you haven't got any new reviews in awhile because people probably read the author's not at the end and saw that you haven't updated in awhile. But I have faith in you! Update soon! Pretty plz! :-)
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