|Reviews for The Hydra Virus|
| Ammy chapter 5 . 11/20/2005
Please, please, PLEASE update more often. It kills me. I check this site every couple of days, alas...NO UPDATES. Give me some action! Finish chapter five, explain more! Character development, plot growth...ung, I just keep rereading the same chapters, over and over , and I'm allowed to edit those, right? Grammatically, I mean. Is that alright?(Is it shallow that my favorite character is Amè?)
| Ammy chapter 1 . 11/5/2005
You're doing wonderfully. I adore the story so far, and that doesn't happen often. It looks like this could really become something great, if you keep it up.
I have some problems with this beautiful work, however. My first: Spelling. I'm anal retentive about spelling, and you need to work on it. It sounds harsh, darling, but it isn't. Second: I'd like to know more about the time, in this. GMT? What kind of clock do they run on? How many hours? Days per week? Weeks per year? It'd help me understand a lot, setting-wise. Third: Subjects. Vary them. Monotony occurs when you don't, and this story deserves much better than that.
That's pretty much all I really have to go on about it. I truly like it. It's interesting, and I enjoy reading it (which is something I've done a good five or six times, at least) so keep up the good work.
| vape chapter 2 . 10/30/2005
This is a REALLY good story so far. As I said before, just a little more depth wouldn't be bad, very good plot so far, hope it works. Keep it up!
| vape chapter 1 . 10/21/2005
Wow, thank you so much for your high praise. I really like the story so far. I think that it's a good start. I don't want to sound sad, but your spelling could use a bit of polish, but I'd happily run through and do a quick fix up if you wanted, spelling is one of my strengths. As I said, superb story. Keep it up, and thanks again for the review, and by the way if your on MSN Messenger I'd happily talk to if you wanted. Thanks again, good work.
| NewBlackGold chapter 3 . 10/19/2005
oh an action chapter. kick ass!
mostly. i have two thoughts on it
first...it moved very quickly...not a bad thing, but many times there was a lack of description. is this intentional, or was it quickly-written? the impression i got from the chapter was chaos...the fight was sudden, surprising, people were getting shot at left and right, pure chaos. i know how the battlefield can be, stuff gets crazy and those survival insticts kick in. i think that was your intention _
second...you use a lot of accryonyms...and specific names (ie guns), that you do not describe. somebody who read the first 2 chapters of my story asked me what a "submachine gun was". i think i did a bit of the same, i just stated a gun bit didnt really describe what it was for the less informed
in chapter 4, there's some newer, higher tech weapons introduced, and i use like a whole page to describe them. that way, people have an idea
personally, i knew what guns you were referring to, so it all made sense to me, but others may not know
also, same for a lot of the acyronyms. personally, i use a lot, so i try to "remind" the reader about what they mean from time to time in case they forget. i do that a lot, like with descriptions of people, objects, places, ect
btw, Jacob is my fav character from your story now :) he's bad-ass! not only can he shoot THREE shots into somebody's head, but he's quick on his feet, as a leader. _
~about your review of my story ch2~
yea, i really tried to capture the sense of samurai fighting with mckowen. i've done some swordplay myself...things seem lightning fast, and it only takes one hit to die. in trying to capture samurai fighting, i made the fight rather quick. even so, dayna never had a chance agains mckowen if she actually fought without "tricks" :)
powers? yea. mental, electronic? both. i keep the mystery up for a bit...and let out the details slowly. chapter 3 is the first where you get a clear view of the mental, "magic" side of her skills, and i think chapter 5 explains just why she seems immune to damage (the technology side). i try to mesh technology alongside with magical stuff in my story, so i made dayna that mesh for initial impressions :)
| NewBlackGold chapter 2 . 10/18/2005
this is going to be a 95% good review. well, there wasent really anything bad about the chapter, just concerns
first off, its good you have the chapters seperated. _ reviews can be locked on chapters now :)
this is probably due to problems "lost in translation", but the paragraphing/editing of the text is off in several areas. sometimes it is double spaced, other times not...personally it does not bother me, but it might to some people, thats all
there are some minor puncuation issues, but again, nothing that bothers me. if i got the point of something, i dotn care how correct it actually is :)
THAT ASIDE. i loved the chapter. things are getting good. this reminds me of how "threshold" from CBS started up. i like this method. basicly, something happens, and a cool, kick-ass team of people is put together to take on the task at hand :)
i like how different the team is. people from many walks of life, it will create a balanced story, i think. and it makes for a strong, multi-sided team :)
as usual, i enjoy your take of futuristic life. it's good to know that you can still off-road the congo in jeeps 2,0 years from now :) and yet, spaceships come flying in and land down next to the jeeps. mondo cool, in my opinion :)
this is gonna be a sci-fi thriller/mystery, i can tell, and it's got a great start. i'm personally hoping for loads of plot-twists :)
| NewBlackGold chapter 1 . 10/17/2005
I'm not gonna lie to ya, I'm reading your story hoping you will do the same to mine. ;)
Side note, why don't you seperate the chapters using 's system? Right now it just appears you have one mondo-large first chapter! ;)
Anyway, this review is for the first chapter segment.
First impressions are good, I enjoy how you make futuristic things seem...real. You avoid stereo-types and just try to tell a story that takes place in the future. I like it. :)
The story moves quickly and smoothly, and helps build interest and suspense. It's rather good! I hope the story keeps up the pace because as of right now that's the biggest asset of the story as I see. _