you've finally updated! yeah! i was beginning to worry! very good chapter!an i want more! the relationship between loren and lili is really really interesting! it's quite an addictive story and i hope you'll continue like this! keep up the good work!

Oh no no no. You -can't- leave it like this! You -can't-! You have to continue! Please continue, your story is so good!

Update!

~MD

Aw, so mean, Sparkle. ;_;

I thought it was a very natural progression. I think I just ended it wrongly. Too fast. I changed the ending so it feels less abrupt, less rushed. It's more of a sequence, now. The next thing couldn't happen without the thing before it. Yeah?

As for my voice...yeah, some things I use 'the voice' for, but some things can't be expressed with 'the voice' just how I'd like to express them. Sometimes artistic liberty bids me to use 'what I don't say' where 'what I CAN say' just won't do, you know? You'll make it better imagining the dancing than I could writing it out. You will. I'm sorry you thought it was not!Fine. I'll do better. ;_; ;_;

;_;

"Broad shoulders blocked his view of the third room because Secafalls was standing right in the way of the door. Loren nudged him in the ribs and Seca moved for him, greeting him with a broad and distracted smile. But he disappeared.

Lili was using this room. He was using it to teach Ouit and Bazhe how to dance. Not normal dancing. The kind of dancing that made a hot day unbearable. Lili saw Loren, but he didn't stop. Whatever that was in his doe-hide dark eyes; lust, fear, disgust, a mix of all three, Loren couldn't read it. He backed out. He couldn't stand in there and watch that. Gods, no."

That... you are so not trying. Come on the little fight in the other room got more attention than beautiful little Lili, dancing with the boys. Where are your beautiful descriptions, your voice?

"vying with the terminally cute Bazhe for the title" ~~very nice

I like Lili's group and I like how Loren likes Denobar and I like the dynamics you're setting up with these boys.

But... I think you took this chapter too fast. More like... I think just too much happens all at once, maybe. you've got the heat and the dancing and the fighting and the baths and you're trying to set up a LOT of characters AND launch into the plot of what happened to put Loren where he is. Take your time, sweet. I don't think anyone will have objections to hearing a few Rankhara-boy stories while they wait for the plot. Maybe it's just me, but I doubt it.

you know, you've really talent...especially with this story...I've been rarely quite enthousiastic about a story...and you're killing me! such suspense! I really want to know what happened to Loren and if he's really a spy (I doubt it though) so please update soon! cheers !

I'm so excited I am shaking.

I completely forgot this was in my inbox and then I finally went back and looked and THERE IT WAS LIKE CHRISTMAS COME EARLY. Oh god. It was- was just

So then I read it, right? Like I started reading it and I had to STOP because I wasn't BREATHING. And I thought man, I could probably read this whole chapter without breathing. Of course I couldn't even if I tried damn hard. But then I thought well, I can't very well read any of it if I've asphyxiated, so I took a bit to breathe and calm down a little but it's just so GOOD that I just CAN'T.

I really tried to keep my wits about me while I read though (I'm sure you can see how well I succeeded) and I caught a couple things:

"and I was cool with it, except he coming on really strong" ~~he coming?

"“My name is Skyli." ~~Skylie

Aside from those I would like to inform you that Skylie is the hottest little peacock I think I've ever read about... holy cow does he seem like the best *purrpurr*

"Like handing a sardine to a hungry ratter, he looked suddenly satisfied." ~~AWESOME

""Nuh uh! You want to kill him, don't you!" ~~HAHAHAHAHAHA I CAN SEE HER DOING THIS SO CLEARLY!

I love the way you communicate that tense waiting-to-be-hit feeling and the tension between them and the way Skylie is just BARELY in control of himself and how much raw EMOTION you can bring across. So, so very good. The change, from that FURY to that... "oh god, what have we done..." just... man. Yeah. I don't have the right sorts of words to describe what that does to my insides or the way it makes me want to do ANYTHING to get more of this IMMEDIATELY.

"Skylie was the reason his left arm ached when it rained." ~~*whimperwhine*

This all REALLY makes me wonder what they think Loren did, why the hurt him, why he LEFT like that! WHY GOD WHY. *falls apart*

""He said that's why you hated him."

"No, no. No one ever hated him. He was always loved."" ~~*cry*

;.; **You make my stomach do fluttery things that hurt in that delicious, angsty way I love. You make my heart jump into my throat with every sentence, every minute gesture these poor characters make...

the last little bit, the last few sentences... killed me. Dead. With their sweet, sweet goodness. I miss you. Write more, lovely. I'll be waiting ever so attentively at my inbox for more. *whimpers and slinks off to wait for you*

~Sparkle

HURRAH! YOU'VE UPDATED! I'm so happy! thanks a lot! I love you! and this chapter was really good and interesting! Damn you! now, I can't wait to read the next chapter! I'm completely addicted! it's so SO GREAT! and this cliff-hanger is killing me! -cry- please oh please update really soon! poor Loren I really adore this character! he seems so mature...he's really an interesting character (well, the others too, in fact)ah! I really love your story (I know I repeat myself but I can't help it!)! can't wait for more!

Since you already got my pick-it-apart review, here is where I shall take a moment to gush.

...

*explodes* E Rankhara! Loren! Denobar! Iren! Awariye! *rollrollrollroll* Oh how I love them so. I love them with their smooth words and sharp eyes and m lovely lovely. *purrpurr*

I eagerly await more. *sits down and stares at computer screen*

~Shibi

-sigh- your story is so good...I'll never grow tired...I want more...so much more...it's great...really...and your universe is quite interesting. and I can't wait to read the next chapter! so please update soon! cheers!

"Something had occurred to him very early in his career at the Academy: the Academy didn't make sense." ~~HAHAHAHA fantastic!

Okay the bit surrounding the non-point of the academy is a little jumbled, i think because you repeat a lot. A lot. Also the paragraph starting with the word "cheating" is all jumbled as well and hard to read (at least for me). Especially the line "Why fake learning what you were sent there to learn?"

omg... Leitl... cornered... I bet it was one of the Rankhara *flail* Or someone connected to them *flailmore* something! Loren can't be done with them so soon. Definately not.

ngh I'm so much in love with this story I want to be in your head so i can see it all play out. x.x it's hard to wait for the next chapter to see it! *lovelove*

~Sparkle

good chapter! and I'm more and more curious to know how your story will develop...Loren's past is really interesting...I wonder what happened...so please keep up the good work! I need it! I really really love your story! it's great!

E*flail*What a little wasp he is... I like the switching back and forth you're doing between past and present. Really really. I will lavish praise on you when I get back from class, I'm going to get caught typing...

~Sparkle

OMG I really like your story! and this chapter is as good as the others...and now there's so many questions concerning Loren and his past...and I jus't can't wait to know what happened and what will happen in the next chapters...so please please update soon...(I know I'm too demanding)oh this story is so good I'm totally hooked! thanks a lot for giving us such a story!

great beginning! you get me hooked and I can't wait to read more of this! plot and characters seem interesting and well-developped...OMG it's really awesome! please please update really soon! I really want to know what happens! thank you very much for offering us such an interesting story...thank you thank you thank you !

I NEED more of this. Food, water, shelter, MORE OF THIS STORY.

""E OHMYGOD HE WAS STILL LOOKING HE SAW ME AGAIN!"" ~~HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

"Time to go. It was time to go. I am Loren, of Beruseda. I have woken up. " ~~Whinewhinewhineflail that was such a great line!

I did so love the Rankhara... I'm so, so, SO glad you're picking it up sort of again! *wiggles*

Man, that just made my day. Now I don't feel like doing homework anymore. *mills around re-reading your stories*

~Sparkle