Reviews for Cholera
mezzie chapter 1 . 1/3/2006
first of all, you should most definitely continue to work with free strengths in this are mostly within the independent verses than the poem as a whole; you mentioned that you wrote it over some time- nothing wrong with that, but as a whole the piece could benefit from more inter-relation of linking images in the verses in order to make it flow more. next time you write free verse, especially anything of length, try going back to earlier verses now and then during the writing process to see if there are small images, echoes, or words you can add to make the whole piece feel interlinked, since this will add to its sense of complexity and how well the verses fit said, your first two verses are incredibly good. i want to eat them they are so good :) the other section that is flooring is the part "war is like forcing..." - the image is truly raw (ha..) and that's part of what makes it so effective. and true not to mention. instead of underlining 'raw' to make it stand out, you could have just put it in italics or even just regular font but still on its own line- either way would have still made it stand out as you wanted it to. whenever possible try to make the words do the work without having to change their physical appearance, it'll make you more conscious of your choices in language and for talking so much :) it's a great poem on an important subject. looking forward to hearing a lot more from you ;)

mezzie
mispeled chapter 1 . 12/26/2005
I really like this. Being an active anti-war advocate and member of amnesty international, I have more knowledge than most about wars that pass under the radar; however, i feel it is really sad how far away from main stream media one has to step to become informed about such things.
Anjeni Windsinger chapter 1 . 12/5/2005
BEAUTIFUL, indeed. Powerful, also, I put my hand over my mouth sometime during the reading. Incredibly intense, excellent imagery - just... awesomeness, yeah. Love your word choice, and... euh... the second stanza, I think, is the one that really struck me, the last two lines especially. Great, great work.
Awkward Sylence chapter 1 . 10/26/2005
BEAUTIFUL.

Awkward Sylence