|Reviews for Tarnished Gold|
| Danica Blake chapter 48 . 6/1/2006
Okay, I once again find myself agreeing with your A/N. This is significantly better than Pathways with regard to both style and your ending.
Forget your A/N from chapter 47! You have no idea how happy I am with this ending. It was well written, well executed, and it followed through with what's been happening in the past chapters.
The possession of T'alnoth was a little unexpected though. If you sit back and really think about it, you can tell that you've been hinting at K'thus' potential involvement for a while (with the dreams per se), but I think this could have been a little less subtle. That way, you don't get complaints about a miraculously happy ending.
Regarding T'alnoth's possession, the "I'll spank you children" is a little out of place. Kind of like Duffikus' appearance at the end of Pathways. It was amusing, but didn't quite fit.
I'm glad you included some mourning for Garradan in one of the early chapters-I remember commenting on the lack of it at the end of Pathways. It's also quite the suitable tribute to Garradan!
Also good to see that L'zul et al finally have their story tied together and are at peace. L'zul and Iryane finally have their pups! That's really sweet...contemplating a story devoted to them?
I must say that I enjoyed T'alnoth. He was extremely well written and showed the variety in character that should be expected from the human equivalent of an adolescent i.e. the insecurity, false confidence, falling in love that quickly, stubbornness and a host of other emotions/moods. Excellent!
My only complaint about T'alnoth's character would be his acceptance of M'eela at the end. While outwardly his behaviour would show that he's growing up into his role as Overlord/accepting his duties gracefully-perhaps there should be some inner turmoil? Especially after what happened with M'rani.
Alastor was also a fun character. I'm not quite sure why, but I got a little attached to the creature.
Hm...I think I'm all out of comments. Oh! The epilogue section with W'rmthalak and R'xxra was the perfect way to end your story.
"Gold and black beat their wings and rose into the air; together, both mates spiralled upwards in a helix, flying faster and faster until they were but a blur, and in this blur one could almost discern a bright bronze, the colour of tarnished gold."
I *love* those lines.
Excellent, excellent job on this fic!
| nightdragon0 chapter 48 . 5/28/2006
Got to the end of everything at last, and absolutely nothing short of fantastic, I'll have to say.
I really did like the style from which you told us T’alnoth tale. The earlier chapters were all getting into his mind and feelings, a very nice way to express his character. Certainly is a unique Dragonkin with a somewhat 'hard' past of rejected by his own people to a degree...I can feel a bit of what he does at times..
I did notice though that it's only told in first person with T'alnoth and third person with everyone else. Guess you did have to fill in the gaps, otherwise we wouldn't understand the story as well.
T'alnoth's dreams are fascinating too. At times they's predictions of the future, others his visions of the past, some from people he didn't even know and such. Interesting way of filling in extra infromation/scenes.
Nice to see L’zul returning, and a little more settled in.
On the 'villians' side, while the golem did play a larger part, I wonder what happened to the undead in the end? It would seem that they had more of them, and I think Zh’ess didn't even finish her analysis of the instead the black flight just decides to rush out once they think they have the opportunity.
While T'alnoth's story does have some good closure, his parts with M’rani end up feeling rather empty when M’eela comes to him at the end. If he'd at least felt torn between the two of them while he was underwater, it would've had more of a 'feel'.But from the short, it seems like the two of them are getting along pretty well.
| Solemn Coyote chapter 2 . 4/28/2006
1) I get the sense that I'm out of my depth here. "Tarnished Gold" is the one compelte story for me to read, but it's certainly in the middle of a complex plot arc. Too many names are appearing too fast. The descriptive bits-especially R'xxra's thoughts-are nice, but the rest of the prologue is a bit overwhelming.2) I don't know any authors who'd write a suckling scene. Maybe it's some kind of unspoken taboo.3) That's an interesting quote to start a novel on. It doesn't bode particularly well for the protagonist, but it gets the reader's attention.
| Solemn Coyote chapter 1 . 4/28/2006
This is an incredibly intellegent, complex, and long work. I can't guarantee that I'll finish it. However, you did review my story, so I'll give it a shot. Furthermore, I'll divide my reviews into section, to keep them from being confusing.1) There's a clearly established hierarchy of power in Arkon. This doesn't just provide some useful backstory, but it shows exactly where the main characters are in the general scheme of things. They're on the lowest rung of the ladder, which makes them the perfect choice for improbable heros.2) I'm always for the blending of seriousness and humor. Sparking a divine rebellion with a cookie is a nice detail.3) In every fantasy story there exists to possibility of character clutter. A swarm of ambigious faces and exotic names can subdue even the most dedicated reader. For a tale this massive, there isn't much way around it, so I won't protest. All the same, be careful with inundating your readers.4) You really have an excellent plot developing here. Keep doing whatever it is you're doing.
| AutumnSapphires chapter 48 . 4/6/2006
I love it. :oD That's all I can think to say. :o)
| AutumnSapphires chapter 47 . 4/6/2006
Ok... I know I reviewed that short story about the Devourer (I can't remember the name) and said that it was maybe *too* comical, but that part about Arimsael being "back in his oversized cubical in the Demonic Planes" was genious. :o) I admit... broke the tension just right... I love it. :oD
| Casey Drake chapter 48 . 4/4/2006
YAY! *applause* as always, an amazing ending.
So... K'thus only took over T'alnoth for a short time, then. Does that imply... he may do it again?
I was glad to be of service (whatever use it was) in reviewing this story.
Over and out,
| Casey Drake chapter 47 . 4/4/2006
I suspected... but this is GREAT! XD no pun intended...
I love K'thus/T'alnoth's last threat. "Stop this at once...
...Or I'll spank you. You don't want your father to spank you." it... just struck me as funny, though I know he (they?) was deadly serious.
Hey... this is the reason for the dreams! where T'alnoth dreamed he was K'thus! K'thus was remembering, in T'alnoth's dreams...
On to the epilogue!
| Shadowhound chapter 48 . 4/4/2006
so it's finally over? the ending seemed kind of sudden, but you did an excellent job with it. along with two battle scenes, you have use another deux ex machina. granted, you did give the readers some warning that it would happen.
i know i've said it repeatedly for your chapters, so i will say it again. excellent story, i hope to see more soon.
| Shadowhound chapter 47 . 4/4/2006
first thing that is imprinted on my mind is "or I’ll spank you. You don’t want your father to spank you , my children." get rid of thwe word "spank" and it will be fine.
excellent chapter. i agree that you have used battle scenes a lot now. i hope you don't mind, but i'm going to go read the epilogue now.
| Shadowhound chapter 46 . 4/2/2006
interesting chapter. i'm curious as to what K'thus will do with T'alnoth. it does explain the dreams T'alnoth has been having. i'm curious as to why T'alnoth still has his mother's skull. i can see why he wouldn't want to part with it, but seriously, let it go. the idea of caressing a skull to ease your mind is...borderline necrophilia. good chapter, hope to see more soon.
| Casey Drake chapter 46 . 4/2/2006
interesting... what does K'thus intend to do? *waits to see*
| Cedric Quilfeather chapter 1 . 3/31/2006
"Swirling through the Void and the Planes, Ether, the Source, flowed freely, latent energies awaiting to be tapped." Agreement: Ether is singular and energies is plural.
"Whatever the case, the came, they saw, and they decided to stay." Typo: I assume you meant "they came."
"Designed to be paragons of their creators’ power, the Elemental Lord were sculpted to be powerful beings, drawing their life-force from the Ether itself." Agreement: "Lord" was probably intentioned to be "Lords."
"(which interestingly, in short supply at the time)" A little choppy here. I think you want it to be "was in short supply . . ."
"for the tohers would rather keep up appearances rather than be righteous." Typo: tohersothers
"Caine for wielding together such a shoddy piece of work." wielding: welding, methinks
"Although This “Man”" Should "This" be capitalized?
"intended to me an eternal joke" typo: mebe
"Granted, Duffikus could not manifest himself within Arkon, but he did not need to-the Devourer and his minions crept about, sowing seeds of greed, distrust, jealousy and hate amongst the mortals of Arkon, seeds which would bear the bitter fruit of war." You just said that Duffikus couldn't enter Arkon, then said he was creeping about the mortals. I get what you're saying here, but you don't want to leave contradictions.
"In Central Alleria, a great, prosperous kingdom arose, overseen by a queen whom had no name, a wise, even-handed and most capable ruler who had only one fault: she was fearful of the day she would pass away, and sought all sorts of means to prolong her lifespan, though it would eventually be of no use: there is no mortal magic which can extend life indefinitely, nor grant it." Go easy on the semicolons.
"During that period of time, the lands of the Nameless Queen were razed, the very life sucked out of them, and today Arkonese know the place only as the Scorched Lands, where only the Black Dragonkin Flight and Remnants of the Demonic Legion still live upon the barren earth, hemmed in by the efforts of the Red Flight and Elemental Firelords." Whew. That's a mouthful. Obviously, you want to keep all of the info, but I'd suggest splicing some of it into individual sentences.
"In the previous story, Pathways of Darkness, two werewolves, L’zul and Garradan sought to find a place to sink their roots and be accepted." I'm sure there's a better way to refer to characters in previous stories than starting with "In the previous story . . "
This sort of feels like a lose melding of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and The Silmarillion. I suppose there are those who would find it to be very entertaining. What I can say is, though I'm not partial to your style, it's YOUR style, so I won't be telling you what to do with it.
Get my drift?
| Shadowhound chapter 45 . 3/30/2006
time for a seemingly insignificant point i want to make. "Mother. Alastor. R’eyortsed." T'alnoth then goes on to say that he will avenge them. the point i want to make is the order in which he puts them in. His mother should go first. she has the most effect on him, after R'xxa R'eyortsed should go. as you have said countless times, R'eyortsed was a father fiugre to T'alnoth. Alaster has had the least impact of the three, so he should go last. i know this is extremely imposing of me, but i just needed to say it.
i like telepathic answering machine you have the Prophet Magus do.
hm...very interesting, that last paragraph. i lood forward to seeing how this turns out. hope to see more soon.
| Casey Drake chapter 45 . 3/30/2006
You ARE going to do that to him, aren't you?