|Reviews for Loosing the Farm|
| Luthien and Tari chapter 1 . 10/27/2005
This was an interesting short story. I jsut have a few suggestions to make for you.
If I were you, I'd try to go through your entire story, and combine some sentences. Most of your sentences are the same length, and it can make for a very choppy read.
Also, large paragraphs can be easy to get lost in. My suggestion would be that every time you shift ideas, make a new paragraph.“Hey” she yelled “what are you doing?” The man's head snapped up like a snapping turtle and he asked “Where do you live?”
Gwen didn’t trust him so she replied “we live 15 leagues away from here.” When Gwen got home she told her grandfather what happened he said “Gwen I want you to tell me if you see that man again.” The days passed without any incident. One day when Gwen came back after feeding the sheep she found a note that said “meet me at the fish and chips inn at dawn in three days with the deeds to your farm, or you will never see your old man again.” It was signed Simon manor lord of high hill. Gwen gave a start that man was actually a manor lord!
She left food and fresh water for the horses for three days and set out for high hill...
You have some good descriptions, and similes, but all in all I'd like to see a lot more! You know how to tell the story, now you have to show it to me.
Good job, and keep writing!