Reviews for The Doll
amethystdawn chapter 5 . 5/23/2006
I love how you ended this chappie. :D It's very fitting and i can so imagine it...

In fact, your descriptions are quite clear. I like the swirling leaves part... adds some sort of mood i suppose.

I think you've improved in your writing skills (if that's actually possible since you're good enough already... .")

I wanna see what happens next. Do update soon. :D

God bless

-dawn
Mephistophelian chapter 5 . 4/29/2006
Woah...nice.

It's always good to find a great horror story on fictionpress, please update soon! I'm really exited to see what happens! I love your characterisation, it's very realistic, especially in the main character.

Keep up the good work!
Lilliana Krishante chapter 5 . 4/18/2006
I believe that this story has real potential, but I am still not scared... I think that you need to be a little more visual in your images. Really make me "see" a shattered body at the bottom of the stairs. But all in all, the story is great! Just not visual enought. Or so I think at least. Keep writing, give us more.
FranPancheska chapter 5 . 4/11/2006
This is so awesome. How did Karen die, did someone push her? What happened with the doll? Oh man, so may questions, I need them answered! Please update A.S.A.P!
dragonfire-lina144 chapter 5 . 3/22/2006
...And so it begins. (evil laugh!)

But seriously, this was good. You've began to add more to it, and the description is abosultely wonderful. Oddly enough, I just finished reading a novel about a doll possesed by an evil spirit.

It wasn't nearly as good as this, though. Trust me.

Update soon as you can. Shalom!
Squidge VR6 chapter 5 . 3/14/2006
Ooh.. update.. its already startnig to freak me out a lil bit..oO;;

Uhm ... scary.

Number witheld. Hmm.. hehe...

I love the descriptions in this - how her thoughts and feelings sorta ... break through ... if that makes sense? Probs not. I'm not makin much sense atm. XP

Anywhoo - inna nutshell, me likies the new chappie, and i cant wait to read the rest! _

banoffee-pie-loving-one (lol) (15.18)
CK Shorty chapter 4 . 2/3/2006
More!
MizSphinx chapter 4 . 1/11/2006
First off:

Description.

Dude! You rock! Where on this place we inhabitants call Earth did you learn to write like that? A book entitled: 202 Ways in Descriptions of Places and Things? Okay...now that name was just lame...Anyway, really, the description of the place was very well written. I wish I could do that...I commend you for it!

Second off:

Karen.

Ugh. What a total snob. She doesn't even know how to accept the money with grace and be creative and think of the many things you can buy with that twenty dollars because I would seeing how I desperately need twenty dollars at this VERY moment! (Lol, no punctuations!)

Third off:

Ending.

Freaky. I don't know what I would've done if I'd received a message like that. Delete it, I think but me being so totally inquisitive would've followed its orders and head straight to the antique shop.

Fourt (and last) off:

Updations.

You know you wanna. You know you HAFTA. -:fingers ultra-sharp Ginsu knife and smiles like a lazy Cheshire cat:- Yeah...just go and sit down before that screen soon-meaning, TODAY-and start typing away, darling. Or else...

Mentally Malfunctioned,

SoulfulRepentance

PS: No, it's not a threat. I don't dig threats. It's just a...umm...a...none-too-nice reminder to update. Hehehehe.

PSS: Like the new name. Lol!
dragonfire-lina144 chapter 4 . 12/27/2005
Interesting chapter...

Again, we see Karen for the spoiled brat she is. "An MP3 player"...I hope she knows that those cost hundreds of dollars; no sane parent would willingly give their child 500 pounds, even if said child is the most important thing in their lives.

However, I do like how the chapter ended; it's spooky and leaves me on edge. Makes me wanna read more.
amethystdawn chapter 4 . 12/18/2005
Scary... update Mr. Writer-Man!

Merry Christmas!

hugs, dawn
Squidge VR6 chapter 4 . 12/8/2005
YAY! An update! (even though I know its gonna get really scary...)

I LOVE your descriptions! I can practically imagine the surroundings, and where she's going! AWESOME job!

Oh! HAHHAHA!: " the DVD she’d wanted to buy (Pirates of the Caribbean, because of Johnny Depp’s presence therein). " WOOHOO! Hehhee, I may be an over-obsessive fan-girl, but i don't care! XP

YAY! What do I say? And... what a way to end... I'm ... shivering slightly...oO

Do update soon! I'm bracing myself!

LOVIN this so far!

wolfeh (14.45)
Wing Chant chapter 3 . 12/6/2005
Whoa, I haven't checked back on this story for quite some time. Hehe. I never realized you updated! Well, it's definitely a great beginning. I can't wait until you post up the next chapter, so get to it or there will be blood! *evil ninja's attack* P Heehe. Get at it!

loserz. ;)
Fantasy773 chapter 3 . 11/26/2005
Wow. Just, wow. I love this story and there is a definite style in how you're writing it. Very dark, almost gothic. The first chapter really got me interested.

Ever since I saw the summary in my Author Alert email I was excited to read it, and now that I finally have, I am not disappointed in the least!

Each sentence fits like a piece to a puzzle that, done any other way, wouldn't create the same effect. The stand-out point in the story for me is:

"Pull over, thread through, pull over, thread through, pull over – (‘Pull over! Elizabeth LOOK OUT!’), thread through."

That line alone could have kept me reading. It gave me chills just reading it for the first time. Not knowing exactly what happend allows me to paint a far more terrorfying picture in my head than if you told me what exactly happend.

An amazing chapter from an amazing author.

As for the second chapter, it seems that you are starting a new trend of making a chapter that's short and takes a reference from a source that deals with the subject being covered (thinking of "The Storm" chapter 2). I actually like that though. Very stylized because of that.

As for the third chapter, you did something many authors would probably have a hard time doing- making a real family. Everything from their actions down to the very dialgue felt unscripted, but rather like a retelling of something you've seen and heard first hand.

The characters speak for themselves. You sure know how to make a person feel a certain way towards someone. Karen truly is a brat, Wendy is just like a real mother (doesn't always approve of her childs actions, but loves her unconditionally), and though I've never witnessed a drunken father, I would expect his habits to be pretty close to what Karen's father has been displaying.

I love your writing! Keep up the amazing work. I WILL read more!
amethystdawn chapter 3 . 11/23/2005
I so despise Karen. *frowns* Spoiled brat. She's so damn irritating. It's sad though at the state the Hill family's in. *sighs* poor Wendy.

Please update soon! I wanna see Karen get run over by a car or something. xP

-dawn

*hug*
amethystdawn chapter 2 . 11/23/2005
Are you imagining this as a movie? 'cause I am. xD it'd be a fantastic horror film. The song suits it. Although I'm not sure if you're referring to the creation or the psycho-depressed maker. :P

Keep writing! Update Soon!
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