Very nice! Tightly written. The physicality of the grammar however, is a little off. May I? I changed some periods to commas and vice-versa and started new lines for emphasis. I just did the first few paragraphs - great story, but more importantly, GREAT writing. If you have a chance, please feel free to wander over to my story UNDERTOW.

Here is what I did:

"Her Majesty will see no one, (comma - not period)" (lowercase "t") the stone-faced guard at the door to the witch's chambers said tonelessly. Under his breath, Wexren cursed Kendra's bloody stupid henchmen. It would be a good long time before it occurred to him that he was one of Kendra's bloody stupid henchmen.

"I have an important message for her." Wexren puffed out his chest. "So, (comma) you bloody well step aside and let me through. (period) There's a good chap."

"Her Majesty will see no one." The guard's repetitive chant resounded like a lifeless echo. (Tweaked this sentence so it is not so similar to the first)

Wexren swore again. (period - for emphasis and to tighten the following sentence) His frustration at not being recognized as Kendra's right-hand supporter, (comma) coupled with a nasty suspicion that the guard was greatly enjoying his job, (comma . . . and what? The word "coupled" means that AB C. There is no "C". Love the sentence - it just isn't completed).

Wexren considered his options.

He could just murder the fellow and tell Her Majesty that he had been insubordinate, but it was hardly worth the trouble.

"Listen, you! (exclamation)" Wexren snarled, (comma) "I've got Her Majesty's prisoner and I was given direct orders to come straight to her when the task was complete. And I don't want to have to tell Her Majesty that you were keeping me from carrying out my orders."

The end? The END? REALLY?

um...is this to be updated? it says the end, but it can't be the end can it? cause they havn't finished the quest...you said something about a timeline...i'm so confused. :(

but then again, this story hasn't been updated since 2005...so i guess it's on hiatus.

i love this story though, a lot, so when you do find time, update means i am HAPPY! :D

I heart this story so far :3

I think Charisse is pretty dang awesome- I like how you're able to take basically nothing happening (ie: Charisse talking to the guard) and make it hilarious.

Anywhoozles, I'ma keep reading!

Oh wow. I really do love your story, you have an excellent sense of humor. I can't wait to go off and read more and I'm glad you already have so many chapters up with which I can delve into and forget my studies. If you like, I have two stories up and if you ever find yourself bored please feel free to visit Are You Dead Yet, Darling? By: Hallucinogenic Poison.

Gah. Lots of fiction press authors don't properly label completed stories, so I went to the last chapter on this one skipped to the end and saw "the end" and assumed it was finished .

Is this story on hiatus or something? Its been so long since thenlast update. I would be grateful if you emailed me and inform me if it is.

Sorry, I would normally do a huge review of the story as a whole, but its such a pain in the ass typing on this iTouch that I can't be bothered to do it. I'll get around to it if this story is ever updated.

Wow, I normaly don't review finished stories since nothing I say will make a difference in future chapters, but you deserve 1,0,0 cool points for that beaver thing. It was just classic. My family probably thinks I'm insane, cracking up at 3 am for no apparent reason.

not too fond of this chapter but i just wanted to say i enjoyed the last few. you write like one of my favorite authors from the fourth grade: patricia c. wrede. you should check out her dragons series. it's really good.

God, you're good. And I love that you are quirky too. Actually, I'm honesty surprised to see that you don't have more reviews. Your story is gripping from the very beginning.

WAIT! I distintly want to note that if we're counting heroism Drake gets a million and Marcia gets half a million for killing her grandmother. Plus adding rules half way through a game, in any game, is cause for immeadeate disqulification. There for Drake might have been out for the added rule but Jack is out as well. Leaving the Marcia as the winner with a half millon point lead. *Hehe, wana talk competitive?*

Haha as you can tell I like this chapter other wise I wouldn't have spent the time typing out how Marcia should have won. meh... that said I can think of nothing else but that Jack is also looses his million points by being the cause of Marcia falling into the fire to begin with.

Yeah, okay, sure...you've practically taken forever to release this. You know, thats a technique all kinds of companies use. They push release dates for some really anticipated something-or-other back further and further, and everyone gets really excited. Once the product comes out, it sells unheard of numbers.

Were you simply unmotivated, or was this something much craftier, sinister, and totally planned?

...

the chapter was good, though. plenty of amusing character interactions. various shippers of yours are probably on their Marcia-Jack high right now. dont take forever next time around.

Wow, I saw "The End" and got alarmed, so I went to read your profile. This isn't really the end, right? :P

By the way, I really like the ideas for revisions that you've put in for the second draft. It seems like a lot of the little holes here and there will be solved, and the story will stay really interesting. Sounds good :)

I also liked this chapter, haha. Besides being a nice way to learn about the background of all the characters, it's also funny as a game and just interesting to see in general (plus I'm very glad that you updated!). I really like both Marcia's and Jack's personalities a lot. They seem very unique, but also quick, and they kind of keep things going. :)

I like Bianca, but her speech is getting very... excessive for me, hahaha. I don't know :P

Things seem really interesting, and I can't wait till you update again! :) My FictionPress Story Alerts haven't been coming lately, so I hadn't even realized you'd updated.

Have a great day ;)

O. M. G. i had about a thoasand favorite lines..um...A YOU ALMOST DIED...aww jakai saved your life..teehee drake is a pansy and you'r a cold-blooded murderer..POETRY IS MAH HUSBAND...meh. negative one thoasand and fifty. just for rambling...coldbad my toes are cold...TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH!...cant wait for the next one..im like a tracey-story-junkie. i get seizures and get irritable when i dont get my traceystrory fix! whens the next chappy? soon? please? maybe? yay. meh. ya know its so true with the points thing...i would lose like so many for my hyperness my rambling and such...

AW! They all had that nice cozy (even though it was freezing) talk by the fire, and had that nice little (highly competitive, increasingly defensive) game of Reveal Your Dramatic Backstory! It was so SWEET. And you UPDATED. :-) But Drake really is a bit of pansy, isn't he? How sad for him.

Oh, hell no, girlie...that had so better not be the end of the story. :D Naah, I know you wouldn't do that to us. -gives you the hairy eyeball- Hey, what's really weird is that I didn't get the author alert for this. I think fictionpress and fanfiction are going through yet another revamping thing. Gah.

Anyway! I loved this chapter and the backstories 101 game...my god, that was hilarious. “Not bad, not bad. You get five points for being well read, minus ten points for having morals, and plus two for developing said morals out of spite. You are now at negative five.” Yeah. That line totally made my day.

Gosh, I'm so sorry. I'm exhausted, so this review is not particularly interesting or even amusing, and I apologize deeply but I wanted to make my mark on your review page after this long wait, haha. Please update soon; can't wait to see what happens next!