Reviews for Alone
A Fire Rose chapter 1 . 7/10/2011
Hey, there! Your writing style is interesting! I always love sensory detail. I do feel like you're explaining more than showing, though. And the egg line was a little odd if the narrater is a girl and not from something that lays eggs. But interesting poem!
SomeRandomScribbles chapter 1 . 5/18/2011
Great piece! The flow is very good, and I like the imagery - the running theme of an egg is very effective, particularly with the mention of mothers. The repetition in this piece also works very well, and the emotions are very strong.

I think to improve on this you could take another look at the punctuation and formatting - perhaps a left allign, single spaced, and broken up into stanzas would help?

:)
threm chapter 1 . 2/9/2009
This is good, but it could be better.

Try rhyming, it was the mistake i often made before, the poem would really be more emotional if it has a continuous rhythm.

thanks yo.

-threm.
disused account chapter 1 . 12/18/2008
Very nice and good flow. Bit on the short side but you captured the emotion. Nice work!

Lee

PS: If you honestly want to trade reviews just pick something at random. I write historical/Irish stuff so..
Sexy Vampirechick chapter 1 . 11/28/2008
I liked how you used the eggshell to compare with how fragile a person really shows how easily one can get hurt.

I didn't quite grasp the ending.

"Now you are gone

…Forever…

And once more I am alone,

Without a mother."

It stated that once more I am alone without a the narrator wasn't alone /he always had am I seeing things wrong?Other than that I think this poem has great emotion in it.
nothing.void.gone chapter 1 . 11/27/2008
The beginning of the piece made it sound like a love-relationship poem, and then it twisted into a tragic-loss poem. I think usually the transition for this kind of piece would have been a bit smoother; I felt that only some of the emotion went in the direction you were pushing and a bit of it was lost. I think it's because either the twist came about too late or there wasn't enough of an impact in the closure I guess. It was just kind of iffy for me.

I liked the idea of the egg/shell. It provided imagery that allows you to follow the piece along easier. It also helped make the mood of the piece more vibrant.

Good effort on this poem (:
dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 11/6/2008
I like your repition of the idea of eggs and shells. It helped maintain a similar feeling throughout the poem, and in a weird way it sort of related to the ending.

Speaking of which, I liked the end because it was an interesting twist. It seemed to be about romance, then you completely changed the meaning simply and with a lot of impact.
DefineBeauty chapter 1 . 8/13/2008
i like this one, it shows emotion well and it's descriptive in the words you chose

i think the punctuation could use a little bit of work in some places though, it would help with the flow of things
Sobriquet Nightmare chapter 1 . 8/12/2008
An excellent poem on the expressions of a child that lost its maternal parent. Creative descriptions abound, and very interesting imagery. A job well done!
Serenity Takaishi chapter 1 . 8/9/2008
sad :[

but i liked the idea and wording you used.

i think you might have needed a few commas is a few places.
didgeridoo chapter 1 . 8/7/2008
This is a really heartfelt poem, and I think you did an excellent job.

I liked the line "Like an eggshell; thin, fragile/That will break with a gentle caress." However, the word "that" at the beginning of the line doesn't seem right somehow; maybe it should be "it" or "I"? Otherwise, this was a truly beautiful poem, and I look forward to more of your work.

Zoey
123456DoesNotExist chapter 1 . 8/7/2008
Review Game!

Wow, I like the message. It really sinks in. Your imagery is also stunning, it helps the poem take flight. I like how you used the eggshell, a good comparison.

I can't find anything I don't like about it, it's great.

Amazing.

~Me
Kissing Concrete chapter 1 . 6/14/2007
so sad and bluntly honest. if you think about it, you really are tied down with chains when a loved one dies.. i never thought about that before:)
flashlitdarknessxx chapter 1 . 5/30/2007
I really like this poem! It shows deep, true emotion!
DarkBlysse chapter 1 . 5/30/2007
"And now that too is gone"-There should be commas before and after 'too.'

Aww, you must really love your mother. Has she seen this poem? If not, she should. At first I thought it was about a gf or something, but then I saw the word 'mother' and a lightbulb went off. This poem is just so beautiful and full of love.
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