Reviews for Don't Say the Magic Word |
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bustedbyherparents chapter 2 . 11/2/2010 I don't know if you need to add any more to this. You kind of finished it with Sleep comes Slowly. :D Good work, as always. :D |
bustedbyherparents chapter 1 . 11/2/2010 What a cliffie! :D Is this about the same guy in Sleep Came Slowly? It is the same world, to be sure. :D On to chapter two! |
Cyres and Ty chapter 2 . 2/1/2006 Roughly two additional pages of new work and by-in-large the expansions look positive. I like what you added to Linove’s history and the magic system. The battle comes alive a bit more, and the story, in general, reads smoother than before. Likewise both “main” characters seemed more complete and deep. As result of this (though it could be due to a second read) I got the impression that Linove was a little less kind/naïve than he was before—though he’s still a kind-hearted kid. And, of course, the mage hunter seems even darker than before… the finger in the shoulder wound was a nice sadistic touch. One thing I would suggest is not spelling out Linove’s screams to that degree. I think reducing them to a shorter form or describing them in detail would serve you better. I’ll stress again the potential for this story. I read how it ends on your deviant site; however, there is a great deal of story that could be written between here and then (if you are still keeping that ending at that point). I think this would be a nice tale of prejudice against Linove, and his perceived need to atone for his country’s crimes despite that treatment. But that’s me and this is your story, so I’ll cease berating you on the subject. -Cy |
attaasa chapter 2 . 1/28/2006 This is a really great story :) But I feel so bad for Linove! He's so kind and he just gets a curse for not wanting to hurt people :(It doesn't havy any spelling or gramatical errors that I've notices, so good job on doing that :) |
lessthan chapter 2 . 1/21/2006 This is totally good - you write well, and I like your characters: the black wizard is /creepy/, and poor Linove! I hope he gets rid of the curse somehow. Just one thing - you start out the story with a lot of exposition, and while it's good to let the readers know what's going on (and I like the way you treat the wind/earth magic: so often people make earth magic purely, like, about growing and healing and being in touch with nature; whereas you've looked at the flipside of that, which believe me is very refreshing), you might work it in a little more naturally, maybe, rather than all at once. - lessthan |
Cyres and Ty chapter 1 . 11/21/2005 Hey, I really like the story thus far. General thoughts… I think you have two great characters in your protagonist and antagonist. The black wizard seems like a good sinister villain and I enjoyed his dialog a lot. I really like Linove’s personality, his naiveté and kindness, and the position you’ve put him in- poor kid. There were a few misspellings/wrong words, some descriptive things, and you have a tendency to load sentences with too many “he” or “his”. All in all no real problems. Keep going with this story. I did give the chapter a detailed review. If you’d like to have it I’ll email it too you. Just drop me an email and let me know. Cy |
attaasa chapter 1 . 11/21/2005 Hia! I, being the lazy bum that I am, can't think of anything else to say that I haven't said ;But, I really love this story, and I hope to find out more |
misterfuzzums EXTREME chapter 1 . 11/16/2005 This is pretty good. Pretty depressing, though I tend to like depressing stuff. The environment was done pretty well, and the character is one who is easily related to. All in all, this is a nice piece. Great work! Btw, I decided to delete the story. (You know which one). I went back and reread it, and realized that I had been rather inconsiderate and tasteless while writing it. Thanks for helping me come to this realization. Sorry. C ya! |
G.Z. DeMuertes chapter 1 . 11/14/2005 Intresting I Liked how you've invented your own types of magic. the description is good and the characters are well introduced, described and flow very well with the story. Hope you hurry with the next chapter. keep up the good work... kind of curious to know how you can get out of an uncurable death curse |
JediKnightMuse chapter 1 . 11/14/2005 I liked this. It's interesting so far and I want to know what happens to Linove. Write more soon! |