A-MA-ZING!

this is just so beautiful.. I wish I could write like you.. definitely a fav -

Whoa...

That was good, even if it confused me a little.

I liked.

"It is my sin to believe that I am just as good as any God; if not better that I may breed a new one."

This is it. This line encapsulates the whole piece, and I echo the person that calls this groundbreaking.

I predict that the line I quoted above will become a timeless quotation - assuming humanity is around long enough to appreciate it. Truly.

-All of the faces are all just a haze- Personally, I think the two "all"s hurt this sentence just a bit. I'd say get rid of one of them and then the sentence would sound much more pleasing. "The faces are all just a haze" or "All of the faces are just a haze."

-Do you hear me I don’t let go!- There should be some time of punctuation after "Do you hear me."

-long ago when we danced in that dark gym to Lenny Kravits-style love songs.- I like that because I like Lenny Kravitz. But it's spelled with a 'z' on the end and not an 's'

There were lots of invididual things I like about this piece, but I don't really feel like pasting all of them. I liked the "metaphorical fingertips ran like Olympian traithlons ..." line and the clever use of periods and the bits in parenthesis. This is an intense piece that's absolutely overflooding with emotion, but in all its bitterness there's also a dark sense of humor, which I really enjoyed.

Good job on this.

I hadn't read much of your stuff before, hadn't had a chance to read more until just recently (thanksgiving break). I really like this. It's like you know the verbal form of emotions, and you can seamlessly connect them and move from one to the next to the next back to the first and then to another while remaining graceful about it. Very nice work.

it's one of those things where i know im going to only review good job i love it's sweet again, and while it is, that's not half of what's going on in my brain, of what i think of it, it's raw and harsh, muchly like(fuck)able, hehehehe, excellent job

Wow, those last lines were very powerful.

Harsh ending, with some very taciturn lines. I like the feel of this, Juliet, well wrote, an undercurrent of bitterness shown very impressively.

sad, you do an excellent job conveying the emotions, but it is kinda of sad that this person wants so much to be with this person, that she seems willing to sacrifice who she is for him.

I loved the part "like poems filled with weak verse and structure to the (twined) point of being pointlessness;" I get that feeling when I read rushed poetry, and I find myself taking so long over single sentences it's mindnumbing. This reads like a poem to me, though I guess it's a story.

I like the tone your character/you take on, it's unfamiliar and attractively raw.

I actually giggled at the line "Call me Slut like Carol; she fucked so many boys in high school that they started to throw rocks at her." It's so explicit, and blackly funny..I couldn't help myself.

(Btw, thanks for your last review; it was interesting to see what a liberated woman thought of it. I hate stereotypes but it's almost impossible to avoid them, so yeah..I think women get the rough end of the deal personally, and I agree that women are the stronger of the sexes, if not for their characteristics then for surviving all the shit that gets thrown at them. So thanks) and keep up the great work.

This is perfect. I too write letters when I wish to express myself. I like how you mix the metaphors with the straight out accusations- and for me references to Lenny Kravitz love songs are defenitely relatable (if that's a word). I love this, write more.

wow. I loved it. I loved the way you compared whatever this person did to the burial of an egyptian princess it was really have great imagery and feeling.

I was amused by the line "she fucked so many boys in high school that they started to throw rocks at her." I don't know if it was supposed to be amusing, but it was.

This is so intense and exceptionally well written. I love the varying styles in this and the ending seems so final and so painful that the reader can't help but feel the need to do the same.

It was, for the lack of better word, magnificent.

Amazing... so sad, such raw pain, so... I've never read anything quite like it. And I do like it. Very, very good...