|Reviews for Daisy Revised|
| Gatha chapter 3 . 2/12/2006
Wow. A short chapter. I never thought I'd see this. I don't know what to say. It's so short. I think my mind is in shock from the shortness. Wow, just...wow. I think I'll go to bed I'm so...it's so short!
| Gatha chapter 2 . 2/8/2006
Alright, let's see where you're going with this now. I'll try and read it as though I haven't read the other. Read...funny word that screwed me up so many times when I was little.
Kept the day dream at the beginning I see. I hope you refer to it and the image it creates of Belle this time around. It also sounds like a hallucination; once it goes away everything changes. Hungary, strange name for a Brit.
Ugh, he got in again. It's like watching...ahh forget it. How does he keep getting in the castle! I'm surprised Belle passed out this time around. If she was able to scream and speak without impediment she should be able to stay conscious (hate spelling that word). I think Oli or whatever his name is now should knock her out right away, or at least have some bussiness in the castle so his appearence isn't so...odd.
Where's Mongos? Made up again? You shouldn't use "British" as a description in a world where it doesn't exist. Maybe saw that the focal point of her words are centered more over the lips and more annunciated than Belle's own speech. I'm just using my experiences in dialect from drama class, so you may not get it. I'll explain some other time if you'd like, but I've got a chapter to review! Onward!
If you're running from authorities why the hell would you run to the castle? And if the guy was going to kill or steal you, why are you safe in your courtyard? Belle doesn't seem to have become any swifter. Neither does Oli, though at least he left and didn't say his name or what happened. I think I may like him this time around.
| Tikvah Ariel chapter 2 . 12/25/2005
"“Belle! Isabelle! Wake up!” yelled Nissa." This makes is seem a lot like two different characters, and since you just referenced siblings it was a bit confusing.
"And with that, the princess " No comma needed.
I feel slightly odd with the mix of Princess (who goes to a public school for some odd rason) movies, and Orlando Bloom.
You have very realisitic dialouge. I felt like Oliver was different from Belle, which is good because in a lot of stories I read the dialouge runs together to be pretty much the same.
It wasn't bad, but the characters just were to neutral for me to want to carry on. Good luck though
| musicwriter2b chapter 1 . 11/18/2005
ok, drew is in my class rite now, and its soo awesome. he's hillarious. he's eating grape nerds and then he says, these things taste nasty. if b.o. had a taste, this is what it would taste like, as he shoves more down his mouth. i thought that was kinda funny. its extended study and im being my weird self sitting on the counter and getting weird looks from chapman. counters are so much better than chairs. wouldnt u agree? yeah, so i had nothing else of urs to review. this is the last thing i can review on, and it is just your authors note. soo, yeha. thanx for the review btw. u make me seem like such a goody person, like a perfect little angel who never does wrong. which, is totally the opposite of what i am, like yeah. but still, ive just come to some realization that everything happens for a reason, and everything is according to God's plan, and anything that happens is meant to happen for his purpose and to help learn lessons. and if u think back at some of the bad things that have happened, u realize that through all the bad stuff, u have become a better person and learned a lot. so everything that i have gone through, i understand now that it is all to help me learn life's lessons and to bring me closer to God. i may have walked away from Him before, but now i have been brought so much closer and thats what i keep wanting. seriously, it helps when accept facts and believe it, because then all the pain that u feel seems to disappear, or at least its like the effects of morphine: it still hurts, but it feels soo much better. and i just want to go around and tell everyone about it so that they can have the same feeling. it really is a good for reviewing. ive gone through all ur stories, and i have read everything, reviewed everything. now i have to either find someone else, or u have to write some more. if u could, read and review piece by piece, up until where i stopped, cuz i need some ideas and maybe u could help me come up with something. thanx! i'll cya in the band room after school. laterness spatula!RKT
| musicwriter2b chapter 3 . 11/16/2005
sweetness. this is awesome. you should definately continue this one in the emo fasion. its so much better. i forgot to tell u that in chapter 1, i was gunna say that you should find a better word than evilness when belle is talking to the tutor. its kinda bland. otherwords, its all ,RKT
| musicwriter2b chapter 2 . 11/16/2005
hey this is so much better than the other one. the other one was too happy. this one is more down to earth, totally emo, like adding in all the cuss words. plus the fact of how improved your writing has gotten. this is awesome. onward to chapter 2!
| Iain Gabriel Lampert chapter 3 . 11/16/2005
This is a piece of art. Be proud.
| Iain Gabriel Lampert chapter 2 . 11/14/2005
I ADORE this story. Keep up the AWESOME work.