Reviews for Artists
viennacantabile chapter 1 . 11/4/2007
eeks. i love the ideas in this-'smock of words,' 'dabble in truths,' 'smiles of the horizon,' etc. i'd like to take an imagery class from you. :D another favorite!

at the risk of sounding like n advertisement, i'm going to ask you to take a look at an old poem of mine called poeme (creative title, i know -_-). it's an oldie and in retrospect, there are more than a few things i would change, but it moves along the lines of this one, and i think it'd be cool to get your perspective on it. :D
Werelynx chapter 1 . 6/14/2006
Heh heh. I really like it. goin' to my faves, for sure!
strawberry memories chapter 1 . 4/2/2006
oh, that was amazing! it is as if you are able to spill your thoughts out onto the page! the ending draws it to a close, but if you look even more closely, you notice that there are still so many paths left!
the naked civil servant chapter 1 . 1/21/2006
"we're both disbelievers and we can never recollect..." - beautiful. LOVED it.
I wish i could fly chapter 1 . 1/3/2006
this is really wonderful. great imagery, great use of sounds amazing (which will forever be, for better or worse, the deciding factor in whether or not i like a poem...the way it sounds).
Lady of the Stinkweed chapter 1 . 12/30/2005
because we’re neither wholly their:should be 'there'

That's the only mistake I found. But what a beautiful poem! I especially enjoyed the line 'Me the writer, in my smock of words." Nice imagery there... very nice job.
justanotherdeadaccount chapter 1 . 12/24/2005
"drenched in egg yolks"

I loved that phrase. There's just a quirkiness to it that seems to flow with the rest of the poem.

I like the imagery in this poem, when you say 'you dabble in truths,' I can just imagine the artist dabbing paint onto a canvas, expressing his views, his truths.

You know, I never knew they said that. Oh well, as artists it's our job to rebel against what they try to tell us, isn't it?

It's a lovely poem though. It really made me smile.
the big sleep chapter 1 . 12/17/2005
Jesus, again, fantastic. The only thing I can say detrimental to this is that you spelled "their" wrong (I believe) in the third line of the second stanza. That's it. This is really quite amazing.
Lines To Time chapter 1 . 12/14/2005
Whoever this Lacy Wright person is obviously doesn't know a thing about poetry.

I adore this. I love how you added in all these little quirks, both about the characters and their relationship: the last two lines, for instance, or "You laugh when we fight (it’s /when I love you most)." Gorgeous job as always, and as always I am inadequate at expressing how much I love this.
Sapphire Spectrum chapter 1 . 12/10/2005
And we get so caught up in capturing a moment, sometimes we forget that forgetting makes the most beautiful watercolors

That was really good. I especially loved that line. You're extremely talented - going on my faves!
no.peace.los.angeles chapter 1 . 11/29/2005
Okay, despite what SOME reviewers have to say, I liked the idea of this. I really liked the idea of a smock of words, and I liked the last stanza b/c sometimes ppl's words betray what they really mean. As far as that other reviewer, I would be deeply hurt if someone left a review that harsh on my account. As a matter of fact, I've been left reviews like that, and worse, on other accounts, and it's not fun, so I will let you know that you should continue writing, b/c you know what you're doing. I was seriously upset by reading that person's review. Seriously, if you're going to be critical, don't call someone a ding-a-ling and say it sounds 'retarded' for them to put something in a specific way. Argh. Okay, that's enough of that. I can go rant at her if I choose. :) NICE WORK!
citrus scented chapter 1 . 11/25/2005
wow this is stunning. its so delicate, but yet what its saying is so strong. "And we get so caught up in capturing a moment,sometimes we forget that forgetting makesthe most beautiful watercolors." really thoughtprovoking lines in here. very strong piece.
Kj Ediset chapter 1 . 11/17/2005
I like this, because of it's simplicity. It makes me feel more like a listener than a reader. Well done. I don't see much room for improvement at all...
Poe DeLasVegas chapter 1 . 11/17/2005
"They say artists can never hope to love each other"

Show the reader, don't tell him. The only thing worse than a poem that is so obscure that nobody can find what little meaning there is to it is a poem that is so blatant and obvious that reading it makes Steve Jobs feel dumber.

"you the painter, drenched in egg yolks"

This line is too unclear. Why the hell is he covered in egg yolks? Did people throw them at him? If so - don't people usually throw tomatoes? And for the other possibility...I don't believe that artists paint with egg yolk.

"and skies on blue canvas"

Canvas is not blue. Skies are blue, but just because you paint a sky on a canvas doesn't mean the sky is on a blue canvas.

"blithe doves."

This line stands out too much from the rest of the poem. It makes you look like a little kid trying to incorporate the word-of-the-week into his poetry.

"because we’re neither wholly their"

Keep your spelling straight. PS: It's "there."

"and we both hide from flowers burning slowly on our graves."

Flowers don't burn on graves, you got-danged ding-a-ling. They rot. It sounds retarded for you to say "ya & da flwers r burnin on mi grayve"

"(when you say you’re wrong,but I know you think you’re right.)"

This line contradicts the whole poem. A closing line should draw a poem together, not scatter its elements every which way again.
Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 11/16/2005
You would think that Artists; or bankers; or bus drivers could get alone better because they're the same but it really doesn't work out that way. Love needs to be restless with itself, it years for change just as much as the body who feels it. You speak the truth in this, though many artists (including myself) looking for people like them, arn't ready to hear it. Keep up the good work.

Much love,Juliet.
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