just how can a girl play in the boys' baseball team?

I really like how this read even though I've only read this first chapter. It does feel like you put a lot of effort into it. i was soo happy to see you use Japanese. I took a semester of it and i wish i was able to take more of it, but i have other priorities. It feels like it'll be a real interesting story. I can completely relate to how this character feels so far, moving from school to school sucks. i plan on reading more of it!

I love this story! This is awesome, even if it's titled as a rough draft. You are a really really good writer! :)

I'm very excited to see where this story goes. Can't wait to finish it!

It's getting really annoying, all the Japanese stuff. I was expecting a really sports-oriented softball story, but instead I'm within the sixth chapter and there's barely any sports. Kind of a letdown.

So... I was reading this chapter and Doushite Kimi wo Suki ni Natte Shimattandarou by DBSK was playing... It was so fitting! OMG I love Benji and Bryce! Awoh this heart-wrenching.

Ok, so, I've started this like 8 times, and it always catches my interest, and I get really excited, and then I read the Japanese. I have nothing against Japanese as a language, and I think its great that you know it, but I honestly don't want to read things in parentheses to understand what you're trying to convey to me. I just hit the first thing in Japanese, and I can't read your story. It just irritates me, and I do this for every writer who thinks that it is perfectly fine to do things like this. I mean, I just don;t get it. If you are writing for a group of people who speak English, why would you put something that just confuses them in? I completely understand this in fan fiction,because I expect it there. I mean, it IS fan fiction. But otherwise, I think its totally out of line, no offense. And I apologize if this irritates you, because I swear, I've had like 6 hours of sleep in the last four days, and I was looking forward to this, before seeing the parentheses and the Japanese. It just depresses me.

Can I offer some advice? Because I would read this if you could do this for me, and/or anyone else who might share my plight. Could you maybe upload another version of this story with out the Japanese? I mean, you'd put the dialogue in italics, and then have a little * or something at the beginning or end of the story, saying that everything in italics was said in Japanese. Or maybe you could have all the Japanese at the bottom, not inter cut with the story? So that way if it was to confusing, you could just look at the end to see the dialogue that you so desperately love.

Ok, I apologize for my rant, but really, I just wanted to get my point across, because I think your story looks really good, its just, short of putting it on my computer in a word doc or something, I don't think I'll be to read your story, which makes me sad, because I heard some really good things about it. Much love, and happy writings, I wish you all the best in life, and that you get a boatload of awesome new ideas and wrote some stories, maybe with my suggestions?

Much Love,

Enjoyed this first chapter. Moving is tough at any time. Sounds like Alex has moved frequently. She got attitude, I like that! Reading on.

Okay, this is a really good story so far, but in this chapter (the third) you made a mistake on your pitching count.

Bryce would have struck out by the change up. The first strike was the knuckle ball, then he hit a foul ball (which counts as a strike) when he tried to hit the slider.

So, evidently the third strike would have been caused by the change up and not the "mean split finger fast ball."

The only reason I know this stuff is because I've played baseball/softball basically my entire life...and I'm only eighteen.

Beside that mistake, this story seems very interesting and I like it a lot! :)

I thought in high school girl's aren't allowed to play baseball anymore...

Your Japanese is a bit off. Sorry. Especially your Romanji. It's not "hayaku" it's "hyaku." That's not only how it sounds but how the hiragana is romanized.

One thing that bothered me throughout was the constant use of Japanese (and translations in brackets). While it would probably be nice to get a glimpse into her culture, I found that it was distracting and took away from the story, even as a Japanese person myself. Was it really necessary for the purposes of the plot?

On the other hand, I really have to applaud you for being realistic when it counts. For example, I like how you portrayed Yuka and Mark's new relationship as a couple. It's definitely initially awkward as both people don't know how to act around each other when they've been "just friends" for so long.

Anyway, it was a pleasure to read, and kept me up at night trying to finish it. Keep writing!

all i can say is i love it!

hope there's an epilogue.

Those guys are such... such... BUTT-HOLES! Gr!

Well, congratulations, this is one of those stories that I started at 10 last night, read till 3, went to bed, then started reading at 11 today and kept up until 3... so that's about 9 hours? I'm very glad I read this.

Honestly, it certainly wasn't the best I've read. It was a tad predictable and definitely cliche at times. Maybe I just view the world from a ridiculously skewed point of view, but a lot of Alex's decisions were not the decisions I felt a person with Alex's personality and situation would make. If I care about someone and get in a fight with this person, I'll certainly try to work it out- not avoid him/her, or at least try. Alex fluctuated between confrontational and nonconfrontational for no apparent reason. Also, I still don't see a good reason why Alex could not have stayed with her brother. It was almost like Alex did not even want to consider staying, and if this was the case, you could have pushed it a little more. Then there's also this... I was hoping this story would focus a little more on Alex's love of the game, but it turned into completely losing the baseball focus.

I didn't like a lot of the repetition (in long scenes or random phrases).

So what did I like? I like that you didn't run away to the happy ending. You let the story work out how it worked out. I like that you dared to let two guys fall for Alex and one of the guys was not mysteriously killed or something, leaving Alex with only one choice. You were not afraid to deal with this situation. I loved the fluff (but really, what girl doesn't), but again, at times it seemed repetitive.

This was a really great story to read. It is always nice to find a story with decent grammar and a good plot/drama. Good luck writing in the future. Maybe I'll check up some time.