|Reviews for Gray|
| Genesis Rose chapter 1 . 3/15/2007
Wow I was moved to tears. Thank God you're alright. At the end, you mentioned 'no taps, no Amazing Grace'... but if there's any example of 'Amazing Grace', it is what you described here. Incredible. I love the format of the text.
| Dachande663-ff chapter 1 . 2/24/2006
Well it's true; good things do come in small packages. A very nice story overall, just the right length I felt for what it portrayed. Nice work.
| Camille chapter 1 . 12/28/2005
Very intresting...and bizarre. It's pretty well written. I would be interested in reading something longer you have written.
| Arkash chapter 1 . 12/5/2005
Very nice beginning.
It was interesting to read about the gray areas of war. I never knew they existed.
Good job! *_*
| Zeronova chapter 1 . 11/21/2005
Well, this was a surprise. A brisk read, but very condensed. It reminds me of Heart of Darkness, and appropriately, Apocalypse Now (because they're the same story). Also, it reminds me of Tim O'Brien's Vietnam stories.
The theme of gray is very, very powerful. For those of us who have not actually been in war or a war zone, we do think it is red, or get that idea from movies. To know it is gray, or the feeling of gray (an amorphous nothing that feels as little as anything else, being an amalgam of positive absolutes [white and black], it's a real finite variable of infinite proportions, or so the story portrayed). That may sound weird, but that's how gray got pictured to me: infinite in a small box. Emotionless, but full. Heavy but light. Being able to communicate that is very good writing on your part, especially in how small of an excerpt this is.
The switch-off between italics and normal font provides a nice dichotomy of narrative (italic) and your thoughts, retrospectively (normal). It comes off as very edgy, as in you look back and wonder why you hadn't died, or what had happened. That itself is a powerful image, very reminescent of "The Things We Carried" by O'Brien.
It also helps you have a decent grasp of grammar, fluid story-telling, and an interesting style that describes just enough for the image to be vivid, but doesn't dwell long enough on those points. It's like eating enough to the brink of being full, but not being full. Like, you could eat a little more, but you don't need to, and you don't, leaving you a satiated, but not complete, feeling. It works -very- well. It doesn't over-kill on description, and it's brisk. Also, filling in on the military terms/positions for those of us that don't know it also fits in well, without sounding like a monotone spread-sheet on military conduct. But, for some grammatical issues, well, it's a comma. You really need to use more commas, in plenty of places.
"By some miracle, I was alive." "...on the north side of Ar Ramadi, Iraq." (You put or instead of of). "And, they were unofficially our job." Also, some stylistic choices are unique. Such as talking in the you format makes it more personal and emotional than a third-person narration (but, considering it happened to you, it's best that way). Also, you ditch perfect S.V.O. sentence structure for a more factual and vernacular-stylized telling (the passage about what gray is doesn't exactly follow fluid sentence structure, but hey, it -really- gets the point across better than a structurally sound sentence).
All in all, a very powerful, emotional piece that's brought to life by actual experience and the gray theme that runs through the entire thing. Asides from some issues with commas and sentence structure (which was stylistic, and very well implemented), this was fantastic. The way you can be able to realize and adapt the English language for obtuse sentence structure and evoke the theme throug out the story, as wel as the italic/normal narrative, well, it's advanced. It's also deep, and works well.
| Caleb Nova chapter 1 . 11/19/2005
On a serious note, I found the theme to be compelling. Gray is a state of mind in your story, and everything is consumed by it. The imagery suited this idea, or fact as it were, and propelled everything forward through unthinking gray.
On a not so serious note, you're a stupid noob and your mom's a ho.