Reviews for Standing There, He Stood
hey maria chapter 1 . 11/19/2005
You know, the title is pretty redundant. "Standing there, he stood." You don't need to say it twice. XD

A pretty interesting story, but my one criticism is that the narrator tends to ramble. For example, in the second paragraphy, I didn't need to know that the narrator likes the address book on his phone and that he doesn't use his phone often and that he has emergency numbers on his phone and that he doesn't call those numbers, etc. It's not important. In a short story, cut out everything that is irrelevant to the story. Most readers will skip lengthy paragraphs, looking for the real action.

The dialogue was believable and compelling. I also liked how you incorporated the backstory into what was happening at the present time. Most writers can't pull that off without it sounding awkward, but this flowed. The last two paragraphs, describing his fall, are just gorgeous. They make it sound so graceful, so sad, and the last line is very powerful.

On the whole, this story was good, but it could be better if you take out the unnecessary parts. Other than that, you don't need to edit it. Good job.