|Reviews for Hillside Splendor|
| SnoDragon chapter 1 . 11/21/2005
What a lovely premise! Very good, though the line "your splendor and your radiance so grand" is too syllabic for the last stanza. Perhaps a minor change to make the rhythm stay? The last four lines are delicious. Well done!
| Dawn's-End chapter 1 . 11/20/2005
ah... nature imagery is very close to my heart. This could easily be my favorite of your works if it weren't for... well your other poems.
But here's where the constructive critisism comes in: You need to fix your last stanza, specifically lines 5-8 in the third stanza.
You were not born to suffer, little tree/ But you were born to stand/ Upon the hill for one and all to see/ Your splendor and your radiance so grand/
You've changed the rhythm of the entire poem here which is not always a bad thing, except that in this case it is completely unnecessary. It also comes at a very inoppertune place in the poem as it is quite near to the end where the author does not want the reader to be stumbling over rhythms. Additionally, the disputed quatrain is absolutely pivotal to the meaning of the poem and is arguably the most important.
The good news is that it would be possible to make the quatrain conform to the rhythm of the rest of the poem. In fact, it isn't terribly difficult beyond chopping off a few words. For example, one could change it thus:
Not born to suffer little tree/ But you were born to stand/ Upon the hill for all to see/ Your radience so grand/
The poem is still very very good overall. As for my comment, take it or leave it as you will.
| Caity Bean chapter 1 . 11/20/2005
A brilliant poem, full of wonder and creation. ~caity~