Reviews for BITE ME : AN URBAN TALE
Grammar Nazi chapter 1 . 9/17/2013
May I just say that this should be posted under comedy if you never plan on fixing these god-awful grammar mistakes? My sister and I read the first few paragraphs and we simply couldn't stop laughing at how atrociously it was written. The story is rather typical- and you mentioned that it's semi-true, so that much makes sense- so that doesn't add to the interest level any. To be perfectly honest, it's all-around a terrible story, just by this first chapter, but it's so funny that I just don't care!
Muffin Cakes chapter 13 . 7/26/2008
FOR STARTERS I COULDN'T EVEN READ THIS I JUST PICKED SOME RANDOM CHAPTER AND STARTED THIS REVIEW I DON'T KNOW IF YOU JUST SORT OF DECIDED THAT WRITING YOUR SUMMARY IN ALL CAPS WAS A GOOD IDEA OR IF YOU WERE JUST BEING AN IDIOT. I MEAN I DON'T MEAN TO FLAME YOU OR ANYTHING I'M JUST ASKING I KNOW THAT I MAY COME OFF AS MEAN IN THIS REVIEW BUT I AM HONESTLY TRYING TO HELP. I MEAN YOUR GRAMMAR ISN'T HORRIBLE OR ANYTHING IT JUST IS REALLY NEEDS TO BE PUNCTUATED CORRECTLY AND CAPITALIZED, I SEE THAT YOU DO, DO IT SOMETIMES IT'S JUST THAT YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU DO IT ALL THE TIME, ANOTHER THING IS THAT YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU DON'T BOLD OR ITALICIZED YOUR WRITING, IT JUST MAKES IT HARD TO READ. UM IT MAY HELP IF YOU BREAK UP THE DIALOGED, SO INSTEAD OF:

THE MAN SAID, "GO AND RUN." AND THE WOMAN SAID, "GO AND FIND ME THE SOUP." "NO I DON'T WANT TO," SAID THE CHILD.

IT WOULD BE:

THE MAN SAID, "GO AND RUN."

AND THE WOMAN SAID. "GO AND FIND ME THE SOUP."

"NO I DON'T WANT TO," SAID THE CHILD.

SEE, I MEAN I'M SURE THAT YOU HAVE MORE THAN A SIXTH GRADE EDUCATION SO I THINK THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW TO DO THAT. I THINK THAT THIS KIND OF WRITING IS DISRESPECTFUL TO ANYONE WHO ACTUALLY WANTS TO GET THERE STORIES OUT INTO THE WORLD. IF SOMEONE WERE TO SEE YOUR STORY FIRST THEN THEY MIGHT THINK THAT ALL WRITERS ON FICTION PRESS ARE LIKE THIS.

KEEP IN MIND THAT I DO NOT WANT YOU TO THINK THAT I THINK THAT YOUR 'STORY' IS BAD BECAUSE I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW HOW YOU’RE 'STORY' IS I JUST CAN SEE THAT YOUR GRAMMAR AND STYLE LEAVE MUCH TO BE DESIRED. FOR ALL I KNOW THIS COULD BE WORLD CLASS STUFF RIGHT HERE BUT I WON'T KNOW UNTIL YOU FIX IT. I'D LIKE FOR YOU TO SEND ME A NOTE IF YOU DO DECIDE TO EDIT IT AND IF YOU'D LIKE I COULD HELP. JUST SEND ME A PM OR EMAIL OR WHATEVER YOU WANT AND I CAN HELP YOU. I THINK THAT YOU’RE BEST BET WOULD BE TO TAKE IT OFF AND REPOST IT EDITED. I WOULD LOVE TO READ IT AFTER IT IS FIXED BECAUSE YOU SEEM TO HAVE A GOOD SUMMARY BUT UNTIL THEN I WILL NOT.

I HOPE THAT YOU DO DECIDE TO FIX THIS STORY I THINK THAT YOU COULD HAVE GREAT POTENTIAL IF YOU JUST FIX THE LOOK AND GRAMMAR. WELL BEST OF LUCK WITH LIFE AND STUFF AND HAVE A GREAT SUMMER.

~BELLE
Anon chapter 1 . 11/10/2007
I'll put this to you straight:

1) Try using a normal font. No bold lettering. No italics. The only reason I opened this was to see whether or not you used all caps in your story like you did on your summery. Grow up. If you want your story to be read with respect, write it with respect to the readers.

2) Did you take English class? I know you're going for the right dialect and all, but... man, oh, man! Learn when to use capital letters! They come at the begining of each sentence. I don't know how many times you messed up on this. There was a random cap in the middle, no capital at the beginning, or both.

3) Get a Beta reader and an Editor. Please. I can't stress this enough. I could only read the first few paragraphs; I had to skim the rest. If you want more people to read this story you have written, this would be the best thing for you to do.

I hope this will help you in some way. Good luck with your future works.

Anon
kiamesha chapter 9 . 1/3/2007
Then Demetruis got up with rage and then knock the fick out of Leandre, slaming him Into one of the lab tables, knocking over empty chemical glasses. They both then went at It, wrestling eachother to the ground, then the teacher called for Security gards which took them both to the main office. I had copied and paste this on here bcuz i wanted you to read it and notice that u made some mistakes.
kiamesha chapter 7 . 1/3/2007
toya is messy man why did she do that now kiki better hurry up and come up wit a lair like she been doing for the couple of weeks she been fucking up on.
kiamesha chapter 6 . 1/3/2007
oh look like kiki lie is failing apart she is going to get caught. i wonder what trevon had to tell eva. shamyla is green. let me keep reading
kiamesha chapter 5 . 1/3/2007
Francisco is crazy is just got out of rehab and now he's going to jail for killing someone. kiki is going to get caught bcuz her braclet was in the grass and she is busted she better come up with a lie bcuz thats exactly wat she's going to do. o my gosh francisco got killed i thought he was going out to killed someone. i wanna no who killed him. Shamyla is so jealous she is requesting that yanla die by someone who do vodoo just becuz she want yanyle out of alejandro life. but wat she dont probably kno lejandro is a dog he is going to leave a 2. she is so evil
KIAMESHA chapter 4 . 1/3/2007
U NO I LIKE ME SOME DRAMA THIS SHIT IS GETTING HELLA GOOD. FRANCISCO IS CRAZY MAN U JUST GOT OUT OF REHAB NOW HE IS GTTING READY TO GO TO JAIL. AND SHAMYLA BETTA KEEP HER MOUTH CLOSE BEFORE SHE GET IT BY TOYA. AND HIS DUMP ASS OUTSIDE SITTING WAITING 4 KIKI HE SAID HE WANTED 2 BREAK UP WIT HER AND SHE ROUND TOWN FUCKING WIT HIS BOI DAT SCANDULOUS. HOW DIRTY. DUMP ASS WAITING THERE 4 2 HOURS NOT ME 15 MINUTES TE BITCH WASNT THEIR SHE WOULD OF BEEN ASSED OUT NOT ME. AND OUT AOF ALL PLACES A PARK HOW FRAKY. GETTING GOOD JOEY
KIAMESHA chapter 3 . 1/3/2007
DAT IS NOT ALEJANDRO BABY SHE IS A HOE AND WHO DID BRANDI CALL DATS WAT I WNNA NO SO WHO EVA DAT WAS SHE CALLED DEY WAS AT HOUSE IN HA ROOM IN CH 1. ON SNAP ITS GETTIN GOOD. KEEP UP DA GOOD WORK JOEY
kiamesha chapter 1 . 1/3/2007
i enjoyed da 1 st chapter now u no i got 2 read da second one bcuz i wanna no who was in da room wit dem. keep doin yo dang j. ashley
PYRO chapter 21 . 5/28/2006
holy shit! jarvis did ebony dirty but the shit was funny! lmao! yo! nice comeback from joy! lmao! quetin is a mother fucking bitch! what the fuck is wrong w/ him? i'm going to laugh my ass off is charmel dump his ass! no. antwuan is paralyzed! ! that goody for that bitch kiki! she got what she deserved and that dumbass dominic just realized it. holy shit! she actually jumped! hahahaha. what a dumbass. damn you, why didn't you finish it! this shit is so good! so many death's and heart ac's in one day! this is my kind of story! best episode so far!
Curious chapter 1 . 4/23/2006
WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT US?
jay chapter 12 . 3/31/2006
this was really good to read, it's so fresh and exciting, like the storylines, update soon !

-jay
Lala531 chapter 3 . 2/28/2006
i love your series. update
JOEY J-IDENTITY JR chapter 1 . 2/19/2006
GREAT SERIES