Hm. Not bad... but you shouldn't have had to explain what it was about at the end.. it should have been incorporated with the story.

I LIKE IT! Alright, so yeah, I didn't really know what was happening. Still, 'twas pretty cool. Personally, I think you should continue and add more to her story so that we have a better idea of what is happening. Not necessarily a big multi-chaptered thing, but just adding more. To develop her character and stuff. Anyway, talk to you later.