|Reviews for The Eternal Flame|
| Disturbly chapter 1 . 11/15/2007
I checked this out after I read "Kara's Key". I found that the tone and subject matter is way different between the two; both are good, and it really displays your range. I also found that it was really, really long. It didn't present a problem as I read, but there's no way I'm going to be able to crank out a line-by critique of it. Instead, I'll have to break it down.
Characters: I like them. You have a diverse cast, with a great range of social roles, motivations, and fighting styles. I really look forward to seeing how encounters will play out between them. Giving their backstories at the head of the chapter added to the length, but I found it helpful. A lot of times when I read a story that introduces multiple protagonists at the onset, I have trouble distinguishing them in my mind; here, it wasn't a problem. You went the right way in starting out with the "manual of fighting game" style bios.
Speaking of videogames, I kept getting flashbacks of Soul Calibur 2 as I read, with occasional overtones of Samurai Showdown. Not saying that that's a bad thing; I love those games, and I would glady murder a member of the clergy for a Neo Geo AES. I may be wrong, but it seems to me as if you drew upon them when you wrote the fight scenes. You do a good job with those; they're well-detailed, but driving and intense nonetheless.
Narration: Like that too. All of the exposition and dialogue are solid, and you do great with the 3rd person omniscient tense. I don't care what anyone else says; I find that 3rd omniscient is the hardest tense to write in, and keep a story concise. I'd write a hundred stories in first person rather than one in 3rd person omniscient; you use it well.
World-building: Haven't read enough to really comment yet. It's clear that you've got a good vision for the locales and societies where this story takes place, but you haven't really delved into too much of that in the first chapter. You really couldn't, of course; it would have only resulted in info-dumping. I'll read on, and see where you take this in the later chapters.
Miscellaneous: Noticed one mistake in Noca's part.
" “Ready tolose?"She called out mockingly, smiling as her voice floated over to her best friend."
Spacing error; should be a space after "to", and before the quotation mark.
Other than that, everything was basically good. I like what you've got going here; I'll check out the rest further down the line.
P.S.- Should I be reading this? Or should I have went straight to Eternal Flame RW?
| Spirit Tigress chapter 14 . 2/4/2007
Whoa! That was beyond good! The trio survived and became the new guardians of the Eternal Flame. Most shocking though was the fact that Heloth was good!
| Spirit Tigress chapter 12 . 2/4/2007
Heloth has to be tough! Morta and Nerid being lovers was quite a twist! Reading on!
| Spirit Tigress chapter 11 . 2/4/2007
i've a feeling that it'll be a miracle if they all survive. I plan to finish this story today!
| Spirit Tigress chapter 10 . 2/4/2007
I hate the fact that I haven't had time to read anything lately. It's good to read again, cause I've got mountains to read! I was getting a gut feeling that someone else was gonna die during this battle; guess I was wrong. Still rocks BTW!
| Spirit Tigress chapter 9 . 10/29/2006
Alright! Now this is gonna start kickin' some ass! Yeah! I like saya's attack!
| Spirit Tigress chapter 8 . 10/29/2006
Well sacrifices need to be made, I guess. Nice chapter! Reading more asap!
| Spirit Tigress chapter 7 . 10/2/2006
I knew something was gonna happen! Nice chapter BTW! Hope they all make it out!
Meh, School sucks, I know! I just finished my MTs and I'm on break! AMEN!
I also don't mind reading this story; it's good!
aka Dark Revival
| Spirit Tigress chapter 6 . 10/1/2006
This wasn't short! Look at my chapters; they're short compared to this! Feel bad that Chiren had to die. Who's next?
| Spirit Tigress chapter 5 . 10/1/2006
This was very entertaining for me. My mind has changed about Noca's motives, but I still think Chiren's motives are better.
| Spirit Tigress chapter 4 . 9/16/2006
As for the grammer questions:
3)“No, I don’t think so,” said Mike
2) towards is for a singular subject like "he ran towards her" and toward is for plural subect "they ran toward her." I have some errors like that in my story, I'm sure.
1) I have no clue
| Spirit Tigress chapter 3 . 9/16/2006
No errors at all. Super sorry for no reading sooner! As I said, I'm going to read all of your works-including this. I liked the constant fight scenes in here!
| Tomoyuki Tanaka chapter 14 . 8/31/2006
Awesome story. Really awesome. Can't wait to read the sequel.
| Spirit Tigress chapter 2 . 8/19/2006
Cool chapter! I must say out of everyone, Chiren has the best reason to be after the Eternal Flame. What's up with this Siro Nawayga guy?
| Spirit Tigress chapter 1 . 8/18/2006
I really like how all of the characters are from different walks of life as it only makes the story that more interesting.