Yea, I liked this chapter..but I don't know why I like Roth even though he's being such a jerk. poor Janey

Ahah! The twist! That looks like your hook for this story - I'd suggest combining the two chapters so your first-time readers can see the kinks (Robbie's hitherto unknown sex life, for instance). You might get a higher reader return - I sometimes read one chapter then X out based on that, which sometimes isn't a good preview of the story, but you never know.

I like the new tie with Mr. A. Well done: Jane's comments establish both her voice and her relationships with Mr. A and her aunt. Remember that one.

The only thorn: Jane's line "Okay, then, now pretend that you're an African-American girl watching his every movement and ridiculing yourself about it." Again, good characterization (as far as voice and personality) but that particular description of herself is...very strange. Mr. A obviously knows she's African-American, for one, and I know there has to be more to Tameka, like what she wears, for instance. This is one of the biggest problems with first-person narration - how do you describe yourself? If I were to rework this I'd probably continue the third-person description of Robbie by switching to one of the African-American girl sitting across from him (wearing whatever) who is obviously trying not to check him out. This, though, may just be my particular style.

I did think Roth was kinda a nice guy at first, with a cool name, until he was mean (and then you told us he wasn't nice). Oops.

Aw, I really like Jane. (Tameka Janelle...why does she use her middle name? "Tameka" is really individual...hm, I find I have a theory about this) She's so...funny. Unintentionally sometimes. You have a great voice here, and I look forward to reading more of it.

Nice start - it really helps when you recap at the beginning of the chapter when it's a new story. I'm reading about 20, and they get a little confusing at times! i remembered yours though.

Aah, I like the twist with the aunt (If you can call it a twist. Whatever)

Ooh, Aladdin is so hot. Me and my friends all agree. Don't worry. I know.

It was really interesting to see a negative description of a character who isn't evil. I really liked that. Go you!

I like how you introduced the 'what he was wearing' bit. If I'm honest, if you'd just said 'he was wearing...' I probably would have switched off, even though it was a nice description. because the way you introduced it made me smile, I actually took it in. -

I don't like Robbie so much any more. He sounds like a bit of a fool. I like how she tried to convince herself at the end that she still loved him, I do that. You kind try and get rid of the thought and cover it up. So true.

Nice ending.

Nice all over chapter! Quite a few typos and a couple of inconsistencies (You said Robbie was seventeen and then said that him and Tameka had been friends for eighteen years. I think) but I can live with that.

Nice introduction to Roth's character. Although it was quite a long chapter, it didn't seem to drag.

I'm intrigued! You must write more soon! -

YAy!i like

I like the sound of Roth much better than Robbie. They both seem to have their faults...but personally, I'm kinda attracted to assholes. And careless, like Robbie was, is a definite flaw I couldn't be able to look past.

Loved it. update soon!

I like this. It's pretty funny about how its for a journal for her teachers who's dating her aunt. haha this could get very interesting... ~*Mystix*~

WOW! I'm really liking this so far. It seems like Roth is a real jerk, but I can also see how the two will eventually get together. But it looks like a bumpy road ahead, which is kind of nice :] Means you have lots more material to write with. Anyhow, great job with this! Keep at it

lol me like!he turned out hot huh...and his brother sounds like an ass...sleeping with all those girls...i hope she ends up with roth .

Haha love the author's note. But no of course I love your story even more. It's interesting how she's retelling all these personal events to her teacher who's a MALE. I'd only feel comfortable if it was a woman. Meh, she'll live. Good start.

I would love to see you continue this story. I want to see what you do with the idea. Great start.

Hm...I'm curious, at least.

This guy sounds really nice. Really good. Too good? Well, if you ahven't already planned to, please do plan to share bad moments and traits of this guy with us. If Jane's his best friend she should know those facets of his personality that aren't as good as his outward appearance to the community and the rest of the school. They have to have had arguments. I know this story - I'm a Jane and I'm just as angry as infatuated.

Your story does start like lots of others - crush on the best friend (since middle school...eek. That's a little unlikely, but it may just be the people I know), being forced to keep a diary by school/parents/psychoanalyst.

But if your Author's Note holds true for this story then ignore my suggestions until they're useful (if they ever will be), because I'm still interested in this story and, if it's already written, I don't want to get in the way of your posting it and receiving constructive crit based on the story as a whole.

By the way, I'd love to see I Hate Every Beautiful Day up again. I see the new title and wonder if it's connected to this story?

I like the voice of your character. Now, I *think* I see a (maybe old?) friendship and trust between Jane and Mr. A - is that right? Something more than just teacher/student (obviously platonic) but definitely enough to justify her spilling her biggest secret. She doesn't strike me as the type to spill a secret for the heck of it (aka, any of the cliched characters I've read in more or less the same position). If that's right, it's a great idea and important to believability of the story.

Please post more.

Like you, I have nothing really to say...It was quite good, except, why does everyone do stories about people being in love with their best friend. There aren't that many girls out there with hot guys being their best friends...There aren't even that many hot guys out there! Well, anyway, I know you didn't mention him being hot, but everyone else does...It pisses me off! Anyway, despite how I feel about stories like this, it was good and you should continue...

Nice start. I love the sound of her best friend.

I'm a vegetarian! Yay! ; )

I like the starting, and the main character so far