|Reviews for What was more real then that|
| noodlegirl 28 chapter 1 . 5/6/2006
a very beautiful poem -sammy-
| Gilee7 chapter 1 . 1/23/2006
I love the first several lines and how they paint this paint this sweet nostalgic image of your memory.
-and tied my hair into knots / at the back of my head / (it was fifteen inches long and so curly / that it looked like flames / kissing my scalp.)- Great figurative language. And for some reason I never imagined you with red hair (which I'm guessing the "flames" signify). I always pictured you as a brunette.
And I love the several lines that follow about the "cold flesh of my dead grandmother as memory." Those lines were very sad. And then the line about you hating flowers has such a personal feel that it's even sadder. And then, wow, the image of the dead grandmother with the white rose in her hands is just tragic.
-I said that she looked good: / too skinny, / bones / jutting / and strutting / their stuff like whores on the roadway.- I like that. You always seem to put at least a small drop of sexuality into your poems. I can tell that you're probably a very, very sexual person. Which means I would be afraid of you in real life. Sexual people scare me.
And I love the several lines that follow and how they're super short; one word per line. It really adds to the effect.
I'm not a big fan of the breast lines and memory that comes along with it. I felt it unnecessary and a bit awkward.
-Put you’re fist in the air / and shout / for what you believe in! / I believe / that death isn’t the end!- The voice of the poem suddenly takes on a motivational speech like tone.
I love the closing lines and that image. The poem ends perfectly.
However, I wasn't a fan of this poem quite as much as some of your others. It was good, but not great. It starts out like a sweet, nostalgic poem, then it gets terribly sad, and then it takes a speech like tone, then it creeps back into a less intense sadness (almost like acceptance) and quietly fades. It was a very emotional poem; a powerful poem; personal, too. I felt it was a bit too long, though. For me, it kinda started to drag at times. Which is rare for your poems. Many of them are 400 words or more, but they never feel like it. I'm usually wishing they were even longer; but not this one.
But nevertheless, this was still a very good poem.
| Fabian Cortez chapter 1 . 1/19/2006
At the funeral
they showed a picture
of her holding a cup of water
while wearing an old Beatles T-shirt
and I guess
in the end
what was more real then that..
So moving, and what a perfect image to close on. The truth is so clear here, and so simple, for all who bother to see.
Very Well Done
| SarahJaneDrkAngl05 chapter 1 . 1/14/2006
wow this is amazing! i loved it!SarahJane
| wildchild33 chapter 1 . 1/10/2006
after having read a number of your poems i have noticed that you have created a new-diferent-original style of poetry (shaped like a column of diamonds and triangles) it not only amuses me and makes me think, but it also makes me relize what a great poet you are... i know when i see a good poem...and im looking right at one
... your writing makes my life seem less chaotic; for this i am grateful... so; thank you
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 1/7/2006
its...it'sthey’re little house...theirwhen the tumors inside of her fried..friendPut you’re fist in the air...yourwhat was more real then that...than
I like this.. it was very sad, but awesome... i love how it flowed from past to present... well done
| Jag without missing counterpart Rashelle chapter 1 . 1/4/2006
This is a lovely poem. Rather than seeming depressing based on the subject matter alone it made me think rather of imortality. Beautiful imagery used. Good job.
| inferno tempest chapter 1 . 1/1/2006
this is really good. brilliant is the only way to describe it!
| Tr APeze-sWiNGer chapter 1 . 12/30/2005
this is really perfect. i can't say what it is about this poem, but when it ended, i was wishing for more (not because the poem is incomplete, but because of how perfectly it hit home to me.) i'll admit i was a little confused at some points, BUT i don't think that it made a difference. i may be wrong in my interpretation of this poem...but my own interpretation is what was enjoyable. i may not be making any sense. anyways, nicely done. this is going on my favorites list.
| Kristina Suko chapter 1 . 12/29/2005
It was a little confusing, but I kinda liked it. one typo that I noticed and the line everyone quoted was "With Steve [her gawky husband]\crying\because\they're little house\and his little salary\couldn't afford\the reclining chair\that she needed\for her last days." I love the line, but "they're" should be "their".
| writerforever chapter 1 . 12/24/2005
This poem is amazing. I loved it.
| Stiff Spines chapter 1 . 12/23/2005
Beautiful, Beautiful poem. Keep up the excellent work _;;
| Jezsh chapter 1 . 12/21/2005
'With Steve (her gawky husband)/crying/because/they’re little house/and his little salary/couldn’t afford/the reclining chair/that she needed/for her last days', brings a lump to my throat. There's something gorgeous about this, an uplifting sadness. I find it fascinating that even though (in my estimation) it is a fairly long poem, it doesn't get tiring or repetitive in the slightest - it just grows and becomes more, shifting like consciousness. And it's truly beautiful.
Thank you also for your lovely reviews.
| catseyeview chapter 1 . 12/20/2005
I feel like I read this before...and for a minute there thought this was one of your older poems you edited but its not. It has that feel to it, like you can walk into the words and feel the ground in Virginia and the ground that keeps Cindy.
| Mad Asher chapter 1 . 12/20/2005
HEY COOL YOU MENTIONED VIRGINIA. Yeah that is cool because...I...live...there. So that's really all I had to say about this poem except that the structure is cool. It looks like a really, really long sword. Did you notice that? A very cool and sleek sword. Coolness.
Ok, overall ok poem I guess. I really didn't "feel" anything out of the particular when I read this, except a bit of confusion and overall weirdness. But I guess that is to be expected?