Reviews for The Dark Magi
Guest chapter 14 . 10/20/2014
It is good-needs a LOT OF PROOFing though-with grammar and punctuation and spelling. but an ok book-needs meted out in more chapters also. Wish I could be a proofreader of books.
Guest chapter 1 . 7/26/2012
it is okay but after reaching the middle page i just scrolled down to read the last paragraph and this shows that i kind of skip. but i like the storyline.
Lyssa chapter 14 . 1/2/2011
Thank you for something so imaginative. I have not read many such books that managed to combine romance, political intrigue, war, and religion into a flowing ride that captivates the audience.

I enjoyed how you painted the worlds these people live in. You made it a very believable experience. I look forward to finishing this series.
Linda chapter 14 . 11/26/2010
Sorry i did not respond to the other chapters-review-I was anxious to know what happened. It was great! I really enjoyed it.
Linda chapter 3 . 11/25/2010
Father Adrien and the Leaders over Tli have a lot in common. Even though they have been appointed to positions of authority it is their own causes they seek to advance-They don't see in themselves any error and blame the people they hurt as the antagonists.-Its very much like today-criminals get hurt on the property of someone they are stealing from and they can sue the people they intended to harm-still getting their way.

There does always seem to be at least one black sheep in the family that we spend most of our lives trying to undo or fix the harm they have done to others and distance ourselves from them.

Even the county Tli from fascinates me-where I grew up women and men worked very hard. Women who shopped a lot, did their nails and hair, and couldn't cook (fru, fru)-would have been not been considered mate material- in icy cold country where strength from all members of the family would be needed. It was no place for people without strength or skills-You would not get by on good looks alone.

Still very interesting with all the action and the complexities occuring are ones I can relate to.
Linda chapter 2 . 11/25/2010
I like surprizes or twists-I hadn't expected him to propose. Its rare for a story these days to have more than 2 children-Also a nice surprize. I'm still very interested and I'm also hoping to learn more about the little ships. And how will the monastics play in the future of this family?-waiting in happy anticipation to get an answer.
Linda chapter 1 . 11/25/2010
I was fascinated! I was on the edge of my seat learning about their cultures. It caught my attention right away and I was drawn in. Really enjoyed this.
gsmonks chapter 1 . 1/3/2006
I don't know why that happens. Some things upload perfectly, others get scrambled. There's nothing I can do about it at this end, I'm afraid. I've tried everything.
letylyf chapter 14 . 1/3/2006
M, that was good. It's still a very exciting story and I love your writing.

You might want to check on and fix some of the formatting, the stupid upload thing doesn't always retain the same line breaks as your original document.
gsmonks chapter 10 . 12/26/2005
H'm. A map. Okay . . .

Imagine an 8.5 x 11 piece of paper:

The top two inches represent the polar ice-cap.

The right-hand three inches represents the coast. The coast is very steep and mountainous, and is broken by many fjords that increase in number as you go north.

Out in the water, about 3/4 of the way down and in the middle, is the Island of Brannigwaith. It's about 2 inches long and an inch wide.

To its inhabitants, it's much bigger.

The coast is divided roughly into three:

At the top 3 inches is Udin, the next 3 inches is Otar, the next three inches is Talimar (each of these are within these sections- they're more territories than wholly civilised areas), then there is a river mouth, and the inch below that is uncharted wilderness for the people living up north.

Now, stick another piece of 8.5 x ll on the bottom and make the coast longer. About midway is a semitropical group of small Islands called the Doloman Islands. This is where Gaia and the mer-women are from. At the very bottom is tropical desert and the port city of Menaelodeon, where Ali and his crew started out.

Now, go back to map #1 and find the mouth of the river below Talimar. Take your fresh piece of 8.5 x 11, turn it sideways, draw a squiggly line down the centre, line it with mountains on either side, and link up the squiggly line to the river mouth. This squiggly line will be the river, and the river runs through the deep mountainous valley.

About 3/4 of the way to the right, draw an X spanning the river. That is the City of Treasures, demesne of the dark magi.

Ali & co. made their way to the City of Treasures by crossing the desert from just south of the Doloman islands, then up through the mountains.

Thank you for travelling Greyhound. We hope you've enjoyed your trip . . .
gsmonks chapter 9 . 12/26/2005
Thanks so much for your kind words, but the truth be told, if I had any genuine talent, I'd be a published author. No one has ever considered any of my writing for publication.

Yes, I know that "magi" is plural, and it is plural in this story. The explanation is 'way down the pipe in the outline but will come eventually.

About the "Gaia" character- I can't use it as a viewpoint character until all of the elements that make up the character have been laid out for the reader. It is very difficult to use a character that's supposed to be shrouded in mystery or secrecy as a viewpoint character. It can be done, of course (just as you can write from the viewpoint of a tree or a monster), but you're limited by how much information you can give the reader, and by the type of information. In the case of the Gaia character, I don't want the reader knowing what it's thinking or is about, because the not knowing is part of what that character is about- for now.

Humanising Father Adrian is an ongoing process. In the first outline he was the villain, and was just a nasty, evil bad-guy.

As I learn to write in the various novel forms, however, I'm taking those short outlines and expanding them to novel proportions, and in the process I found that evil, nasty characters are too simplistic and cliched for long stories. They work well in faerie tales and short stories, but they don't have the sort of depth or believe-ability needed when put under the microscope, which is what novel-writing forces you to do.

About feeling alienated towards the Gaia character- thanks, that's exactly what I was after; I wasn't sure if that was coming across as intended. You're supposed to feel alienated towards her at the beginning, because- hint, hint- this is how SHE feels.

It took a lot of work to work that character into the story in order to achieve that effect. When working on the outline, for some time I was stumped, wondering how to make the reader empathise with the character's sense of alienation. And one day, in a forehead-slapping moment, I realised that the way to get that feeling across was to make the reader feel that way TOWARDS the character, not WITH the character. Yes, the empathy approach works, but it is such a trite device that in the end I decided to at least try to avoid it.

Yes, religious fanaticism . . . it's a core topic of today's life and times.
letylyf chapter 10 . 12/26/2005
Eek. That was unceremonious and unexpected. Poor Eric!

Hmm, the scene with the Savior makes me think there are perhaps more cracks in the Dark Magi than it would seem.. although it's looking more and more like Ali and Gaia and the rest are on a quest that gives new meaning to the term 'mission impossible'...

Oh, one more thing, I'm really not clear on what continents are where and which countries are on them. Any chance of a map being put up somewhere?
letylyf chapter 9 . 12/25/2005
Oh my god. This story is a masterpiece. Your gift for writing is overwhelming.. if I could write like this.. wow. This story is so intense, I hardly know what to say. I love it! I can't wait to read more. Everything is so brilliantly written, and exciting, and amazing.

One thing that bugged me, the word 'magi' is plural and it's not entirely correct to use it for just one of them. I know, poetic lisence and all that, but the Latin student in me is just screaming.

I hope this doesn't sound like a backhanded compliment.. I love all of your characters, butGaia seems to have MPD, or something! What abrupt transformations of personality... it's worse even than Albert in Pamela's story, from drunken lout to dangerous demon-killer. I think when you first introduce her you should concentrate more on her character and point of view. I was left feeling rather alienated from her, as she is such a complex character and there's not much time spent on her in the beginning. Speaking of characters, Father Adrian doesn't seem wholly bad, plagued by doubts as he is, shall I pin my hopes on a betrayal from within?

Above all, I love the portrayal of the evil that religious fanatacism can wreak.. please post more soon.