Reviews for How to Write a Review
The Lark Ascending chapter 2 . 1/4/2006
oh this is great so far. I'm so glad someone's made an effort to write something along these lines, and I appreciate the balance you've struck between humour and insightful advice. For the heck of it, I thought I'd attach two contrasting reviews that were left on my board; they're pretty self-explanatory:

"These sentences make my brain hurt:

"The two were seated out on the ledge; farther back quite a few yards...[etc]"

"Jais would never give him a second chance if he failed this one...[etc]""

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"I just wanted to say thanks for the review! :D"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Hey there, it's been a while - already four parts into book two! Congrats) Well, what I've noticed in your more recent chapters is really solid dialogue (especially in ch. 14 - i.e.

"besides, he starts Lobsterin’ with Kit Sinclaire...[etc]"

that stuff is direct and catchy, and I love getting a taste of the Island vernacular) and also something of a dangerous blend of objective narration and subjective (again in ch.14, I didn't quite catch up with the "reputable obstetrician" thing until I figured it must be Debbie's own thought processes, which probably shouldn't be inserted into the narrative...[etc])"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Anyway, I'll keep reading now. . .
that reviewer without an account chapter 3 . 1/4/2006
Damn...I can't help but wish you had a chapter which I DIDN'T like so I wouldn't have to keep attempting to think of compliments. So yeah...*thinks*...that's...that's a nice font. *awkward silence*
that reviewer without an account chapter 2 . 1/4/2006
A chapter that inspired the joy that one gets when one realises that one has found one of those rare stories that actually makes you laugh out well as inspiring a person to use the word 'one' a lot more times than is healthy.
that reviewer without an account chapter 1 . 1/4/2006
An amusing story but perhaps you should consider reading over chapters twice: there a a few words (eg, "notourious" - notorious "specificly" - specifically)which appear to be accidentally spelt incorrectly, or perhaps you could try getting a friend to edit/spellcheck all of your work. I don't have a fictionpress account, but I've been often told that I should "get off my ass and start posting". Even so, I'd be happy to help you with editing and can be contacted at my e-mail address,
Leylique Morrow chapter 3 . 1/4/2006
I see that others have answered your three questions, so I think I'll follow the rest of the lemmings off the cliff and answer them as well.

1. I do not give flames intentionally, but on occasion I will make the rash assumption that the other writers on this site want feedback, so I give it (though I NEVER put in constructive criticism without praising something about their work), and one in ten decides what I've said is unfair, so he goes and cries to mommy and sends me e-mails chock full of spelling and grammatical errors defending his work and usually stating his age. (As if all 15-year-olds are incompetent these days?) I don't receive flames either, which surprises me, given the responses I get as e-mails.

2. I don't take anonymous reviews seriously because they rarely display any hint of intelligence on the part of the reviewer. Not to label all of them; it's just been my experience that the "anonymous" option is something writers hide behind when they want to send flames to others without allowing the flamed ones to return the favor.

3. Reviews do not affect what I write, but they certainly affect how I revise. I post things here to be criticized, not praised. When a reviewer shows that he/she has read my poem or story and makes a suggestion, I respect that and keep those suggestions in mind when I revise.

Hopefully I haven't offended anyone. Good luck to all in your writing ventures!

Leylique Morrow chapter 2 . 1/4/2006
I haven't laughed this hard in ages! You're quite the observer; so far you've touched on almost everything that's annoyed me about reviews and reviewers on FictionPress.

You did ask your reviewers to correct spelling, so I'm going to do so. All of the following are in your second chapter: second paragraph, "benefit"; right before "Dear Burnt Bread", "refers"; "good fiction will keep coming" (one M); "Grammar" with two a's; again, "benefit" with two e's, and at the very very bottom, "definitely". If you were joking about wanting spelling corrections, I obviously didn't pick up on it... you might want to make it a little more obvious to your readers.

I'm going to read the next two chapters of this. Finally, a humor piece that's actually humorous!

mgs chapter 2 . 1/4/2006
Ha ha! This is really funny and unusual :D Good job
Olusenka chapter 3 . 1/4/2006
The legendary moi is reviewing in response to this interesting column. I believe your writing talent really shines through upon commencing these advisory yet satirical pieces. Watch the aforementioned speeling however so as not to piss off anal spellers and to sound more intelligent. In response to your questions:

1. I have never given flames because I am too lazy but I have received a few, never on originals however. Fandom is the main culprit of flame wars.2. I value the opinions of all who took their time to read and review my writing. Anon reviewers have been very helpful to me in the past and I hope they will continue to be so in the future. 3. When I get a different POV on a long story etc, feedback and etc. it does sometimes affect the story itself. The main culprit of this has been Marie. A variety of aspects have been altered as a result of reviews and comments and the novel would have been very different if not for the people who chose to chip in.

I am following this column...
archived chapter 3 . 12/31/2005
Hello Burnt Bread!

I just finished reading "How to Write a Review", and it was wonderful, you are truely a great inspiration to mankind. I will follow your work until the day I die, because your writing is fluent, your descriptive paragraphs color my dull world and your characterization makes me horny. I hope to read all of your work and have your baby. In fact, I'm going to your page right now to see what else you have a nice day,


brilliant! now writing great reviews is a snap!

a great piece of work. Now, to answer your questions as an honest author and reviewer: 1. I would never give a flame, and I have never received one. Though I do think it livens up reviews a bit. ;)

2. I don't mind anon reviewers, except if they bring up some interesting points and I want to email them to respond...then it's just plain frustrating. ah they have no name!

3. yes, they do affect me, though probably subconciously, because it's hard to remember what people have said on my various works.

Anyway, long review, I know, but that's good, right? I can't wait for the next chappy on flames and whatnot. Good work!

Lady of Fire and Ice chapter 3 . 12/30/2005
Neat! Bread is good, even though I'm an English Muffin kind of person myself. I look forward to the chapter on writing flames.
TwystedFate chapter 3 . 12/30/2005
"SugaFrostPants88" .. sadly, I see that reviewer name way too easily gracing my inbox. o_o;
mizu no kokoro chapter 3 . 12/29/2005
haha~ might as well answer your questions while i'm here eh?

Answer:1) Rarely to none, and i'm not sure why, maybe because i myself do not flame? some plp out there are just plain paranoid, i got blocked by someone just because my review was not 'complimenting' enough XD~

2) i tend not to allow anon reviewers, all because no one ever review anon for me anyway, but the occasional flamer would be cowardly and use anon to wreck my rep;(lolz, jkjk)

3) of course~
mizu no kokoro chapter 2 . 12/29/2005
huhuhu~ very funny lolz~ hey, point two, is 'coming' spelt with two m's? _~
Pink Sparrow chapter 3 . 12/27/2005
hehe, nice update. Very funny!um.. ok. I write only poetry, but I get reviews so I'll answer your questions.

1. I never give flames, only cc. I haven't really ever gotten a flame. I guess ppl write them when they really don't like the peice or have something personal against the author or well they're just plain mean and don't care about what ppl feel.

2. I really haven't thought about that before. No, I value the opinion of annoymous reviewers just as much as signed ones. It doesn't matter at all to me.

3. Sometimes, if they give suggestions or things I can work on then it helps and hopefully makes me write better. but yeah...

Yeah. I thought the speeling thing might be by purpose but I wasn't sure so I just pointed it out anyway. So, I'd like to see more soon! Cya.
Southernprincess chapter 3 . 12/27/2005
Dear Burnt Bread, sorry about reviewing see I acciedently click the 'submit review' button twice. Thanks for writing this it's VERY helpful you've done your online finction community great favor-God bless
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