Reviews for How to Write a Review
friend 49 chapter 5 . 11/12/2007
DEAREST FROZEN BREAD (I'M SUCH A REBEL!)-

I have just finished reading chapter two. In fact, that is a lie! I review as I read. Am I a regular rebel or what?

(yes, you with the monobrow)

I cracked up right there and my sister looked at me like 'what is she doing?' Kodak moment, right? I think you should be a comedian. Really.

You’re from the CIA. In which case, I had nothing to do with that thing Buenos Aires. You know, the thing with the thing on the thing-ding.

I'll ask Agent O'reilly about my involvement with that case. You might want to move.

Although most of this was lovely, I. Um. Well. EITHER YOU ARE AN AMAZING WRITER OR I AM AN IDOLIZING LACKEY. AND I HAVE NO INTELLIGENCE. iamsosorry. :(

I will try harder!

Well you might want to consider keeping the exclamation marks out of your sentences. (Exclamation marks are straight from Satan. Reallytrulyreally.)

"email please me hepl you cuz work i love. Cuz I'm xpert at ryting.

USPrisedint"

It took me four tries to understand that. GOOD JOB.

IN CASE THE MESSAGE WAS NOT CLEAR:

I REALLY CARE ABOUT YOU, AND I WANT TO LIVE ON IN YOUR HEARTS.

p.s. i'm pregnant
Ashlee Pond chapter 8 . 9/30/2007
Dear Bread,

This is a fantastic idea. Reviewing is something that is not often discussed, and because of this there are plenty of people out there that seem incapable of submitting a decent review. [I fear myself to be one of them.]

You are a highly skilled writer, and the light-hearted approach to a no doubt serious topic is extremely appealing. The humour sprinkled throughout keeps the reader's interest peaked while the piece itself is very informative and helpful.

Brilliant job!

xx
felicia13 chapter 8 . 8/25/2007
I would be very interested to hear a song called 'Stab Me Rip Stab Stab,' for obvious reasons. Or, at least, they're obvious to me.

Reason 2 will make people die of no apparent cause, I think. They'll just drop dead walking down the street and their last thought will be, "I wish I hadn't read chapter 8 of BurntBread's 'How to Write a Review!'" How does that make you feel?

6: I think you're just hung up on becoming a Jedi.

"Some people tend to think that the reading is optional. READING IS NOT OPTIONAL." Sad but true. Thanks for pointing it out.

"Email: litteboysturnmeon at tastythings dot com (I do not like young boys. They don’t taste good. Ok, that sounded wrong. I’ll just stop digging this hole. Arg, that also sounded perverted too. I’ll just stop writing this now and move on. I am not a paedophile.)" Bread, you make me laugh. *dies a little bit from lack of oxygen from laughing too much*

Thanks, Bread, for this completely informative and not-at-all useless guide. I now know how to be a better person and live my life without adding to the Greenhouse Gases already causing so-called "Global Warming" the earth over.

Felicia.
felicia13 chapter 7 . 8/25/2007
Anonymous reviews are my worst enemy. Usually Anon. and Flames go together because, for whatever reason, the people who try to make you kill yourself don't want it to be traced back to them. Wimps.

Anywho, I'm glad you didn't crack the pregnant jokes out again. It might make me spontaneously combust. No lie.

Spamviews are equally as annoying as the Anon./Flames. Rawr. And I hate Happy Reviews because... well, they tell you nothing. It's ok to gush, just gush with purpose.

Why can't we cover the delightful reviews that tell you about spelling errors and have genuine feedback for the story/poem?

Felicia.
Herineca chapter 8 . 8/23/2007
well, i was just going to put this on alert because I'm in kind of a rush, but it just seems weird not to review a story about how to review, dont ya think?

any-who, this is really good! obviously, i have not taken many pointers, but it might be due to the fact that i am unusually cold right now and the sound of the printer is driving me insane...

BUT! i really hope you update this soon! it got heaps of good laughs out of it. especially all the pregnancy jokes and '(yes, you with the monobrow)' (or something along those lines...i forget things really easily)
Greenfire42 chapter 1 . 8/20/2007
I found this as spam.
Abysmal Tr3pidation chapter 6 . 4/22/2007
Hey Burnt Bread. This is an awesome idea, I jsut though I'd let you know that I hope to read all of you work and have your baby. Lolz This is so classic. You're officially my fave writer on this site, well... After Wyrdwolf anyway (Sensitive,funny,poetic guys are hot. You and Wyrdwolf seem close, maybe you could put in a good word for me?)

Keep writing.

~**~Indiana~**~
Colorful Collision chapter 4 . 4/17/2007
Hello Burnt Bread ,

I just finished reading How to Write a Review and I thought that you are an alien because I am one too.

I hope to conquer Earth with my battalion of anal probers. You have been thus recruited.

No really, I found this story hilarious. Although, I do have to ask, are you by any chance, hmm... I don't know... pregnant?

I've never encountered a story about how to write a review before. But that may just be me. It made me laugh. Like HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA kind of laughing. You're so very talented.

And as you, and everybody else reading this can tell, I am a bad reviwer.

Whoops.

Jadie Bunny.
felicia13 chapter 6 . 4/14/2007
Hello Burnt Bread,

I just finished reading 'How to Write a Review' chapter 6, "Chapter Summary" and I thought that it was wonderful, you are truly a great inspiration to mankind. I will follow your work until the day I die because your writing is fluent, your descriptive paragraphs color my dull world and your characterization makes me horny. I hope to read all of your work and have your baby.

Have a nice day.

Felicia.

p.s. Not really. I hate you, Bread, for brainwashing me to leave that review after getting me pregnant and refusing to pay child support.
felicia13 chapter 5 . 4/14/2007
"It’s all or nothing, just like being pregnant – you can either be pregnant, or you’re not. You can’t be a little bit pregnant." Bread ... are you pregnant?

"Unless you were making a really bad bread pun. If that is the case, ignore this comment." Oh, dear lord. I think I may have died a little bit on the inside reading that.

"Eating bread is bad for my health." Aww ... I'm sorry, Bread. Silly people who think it's good to eat bread, shame on you!

Pfft. Flames happen regardless of past reviewing experience. If they hate you enough, they'll make stuff up and spread horrid rumors about you to all their friends. It's a horrible, horrible thing.

Felicia.
felicia13 chapter 4 . 4/14/2007
I love how you keep throwing pregnancy out there like it's to be expected.

"Of course, according to these same statistics, you’re roughly 0.55 percent female, 0.4 percent male, and 0.05 percent... I don’t know, pregnant?" Exactly, Bread. Exactly.

Open minds are what caused the aliens to come to become reviews in the first place. Beware!

Felicia.
felicia13 chapter 3 . 4/14/2007
Wow. I'm a little bit amazed that you've actually sat down and given this thought. Then again ... maybe I'm not.

Reviews are aliens. I don't know what you're talking about with all this 'maybe' business. Pfft. Whatever.

Nice summary of what a review is. A whole chapter of nonsense. Congrats, Bread.

Felicia.
felicia13 chapter 2 . 4/14/2007
A table of contents? You are such a review whore, Bread. And people like me feed your addiction by reviewing every chapter every time. *sigh*

Felicia.
felicia13 chapter 1 . 4/14/2007
I just had to make a comment about the first paragraph. "I do not want your babies." I'm sure you don't, Bread.

Aww, it's true. I hate people who read and don't review. I review a lot. A lot.

"Two minds are better than one, unless they inhabit the same body." ... if this applies to me, does that make me a bad person?

I look forward to it all.

Felicia.
your harbor chapter 4 . 4/5/2007
Mhm. I dont know what to freakinn say.
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