|Reviews for December 27th at the ER|
| Gilee7 chapter 1 . 1/23/2006
-watching the million dollar /(taxpayer funded) / fountain / foam and spit up ninety gallons of water / (or however many gallons it takes to run a liquefied piece of art.)- Great imagery; 'foam' and 'spit up' are great words to describe the water. I also love the sarcastic humor that's added in parenthesis. It's like an invisible jab at the government and how they so (un)wisely spend our tax money. Makes me think of the high school I used to go to, and how they were way overpopulated; they have like classes in trailers outside; and somehow they had a lot of money to spend, I guess the government gave them so much or something, I don't know it works; but anyways, instead of using it SMARTLY to add more classrooms, they go and blow it on an NFL like scoreboard. So many teachers were pissed about that, and I just think it really shows what's important to the principals and school board people these days. Who cares about academics? We just wanna win the state championship!
-I feel dirty in hospitals- / lost in corridors / so shiny / that my eyes slant- I think everybody feels dirty in hospitals. I know I do. I've always hated being in one; there's nothing but death and sickness and sadness in the air; family members and friends waiting helplessly on couches until a doctor comes in and tells them "Sorry, we did all we could."
-and backpack slug over my shoulder- I think you meant "slung" instead of "slug."
-(I wait to hear what I already know- / watch a red headed boy extract my blood and poor it into vials. / Clear bottles of me / and my genetic self.)- LOL. I don't know why that last line makes me laugh, but it does. "My genetic self." I feel an attitude with that line. Makes me think of like how so many people say stuff like "Me and my bad self." I see that black girl head movement when I read the line.
-It’s easier then the silence / or the guttural lull of the fountain;- I love how the fountain keeps popping back up in the story. We never lose sight of the setting.
-I tell him why I’m hear- I'm guessing you did this on purpose, but the way it's delivered, I don't know if it was just an error or intentional. But with all the wordplay in your poems, I'm guessing you meant to do this.
-I’ve still got bruises from six months ago- The car crash? See, your poems are so personal. I feel as if I know you even though I've never met you.
-(the natural kind / that dugs / can‘t reach out across my veins to fix.)- "Dugs?" That doesn't make sense. I think you meant "drugs."
I love how you end the poem with the fountain. That was perfect. The "balding boy" lines made me suddenly think of a cancer patient, though. I was like wait, what? Was that who she was talking to? But then I remembered the very first line about the forty-something ER doctor. But still, "balding boy" seems almost ambiguous. I at first thought it was a twist to the poem.
Another amazing poem, Juliet. You crank these babies out so effortlessly. You're gonna go far with your writing in the future. I already know it.
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 1/21/2006
he’s older then I am... than
powerful poem and awesome descriptions.. i love the whole fountain thing
| Politically Incorrect Lamb chapter 1 . 1/18/2006
I really really really like this. A conversation to the beat of poetry, nice. Though, I wonder...this part " (the natural kind
Dugs? Do you mean drugs? and.."I tell him why I'm hear" are you playing with words there or...is that a mistake? I don't mean to be mean (teehee) by bringing this up, im just curious is all. You can certainly do as you wish.
| Flavor of Rain chapter 1 . 1/14/2006
I like it. especailly the ending part.
| castaways and cutouts chapter 1 . 1/11/2006
Great imagery! I really enjoyed this!
| ylem chapter 1 . 1/11/2006
i've still got pain/ (the natural kind/ that drugs/ can't reach across my veins to fix). i don't know why i like that. i like this whole poem. you have a way of drawing the reader in by writing in a truthful, conversational way without assaulting them. even though this was about very heavy stuff i didn't click away feeling totally depressed. the image you bring of the er man is so simple yet so powerful with the last few lines. (i wish i knew some doctors like that.)
ps - sorry i haven't read much of your work lately; i've been shit for a reviewer.
| whiterain4 chapter 1 . 1/8/2006
I really enjoyed this...Does the significance of December 27 just have to do with the date you posted it, or does it have something to do with the fact that it is right smack in the middle of the beginning of some holidays and the end of others? I'm just wondering. Um. Yeah. That's pretty much it. Your writing is amazing.
| Faerie Energy chapter 1 . 1/8/2006
Strangely satisfying- but so beautifully bitter.
All due respect,Faerie Energy
| Safira chapter 1 . 1/7/2006
This piece is certainly one that encourages a reader to continue from the very first line. The protagonist sounds direct and unrestrained in their manner of speaking, as if striking up a conversation to with an old friend. What is further captivating about this poem and brings an amused smile to my lips is your parody of the fountain – whether it is intentional or not. I assume the setting of this piece is at a hospital, and with offside comments of a “taxpayer funded fountain” that spits up “however many gallons it takes to run a liquefied piece of art” is quite satiric considering the issues of drought, clean water and money that could have otherwise been better spent.
As for the random conversation with “a forty-something ER Doctor”, now that was what really struck home. There are so many people in this world, some of whom our paths will coincide with if only for a few minutes. It is easy to become absorbed into our own world – own reality – that often we do not see the bigger picture or adopt a blasé attitude. So when we do connect with a stranger - someone different from our norm – the experience is often unsettling or thought-provoking. Perhaps their reality provides something that is lacking in our own – a new perspective of seeing ourselves. Or as Sartre would say: I see myself because somebody sees me.
| q is for quirks chapter 1 . 1/7/2006
sad, but comforting in a way. it's a really beautiful piece. great job.
| hoowdoideletethisaccount chapter 1 . 1/5/2006
This piece struck me as very wistful; not so bitter as it is bewildered, not so caustic as it is yearning. I was listening to Matthew Good while I read this- it's strange, I always seem to be listening to Matt while I'm surfing FicPress ;) Anyway, he's a Canadian singer, not too well-known outside my country, but he should be. He's such an incredibly smart, insightful guy. He writes alot about injustice. "Advertising on Police Cars", "In a World Called Catastrophe" Sometimes your poetry reminds me of his lyrics. And I mean that as a compliment. He's a hard-thinker. So are you.
Hospitals... yeah, they're not the easiest places to be, are they. I work in a Long-term Care Home, but hospitals are different. It's hard to walk in there. There's just an aura of "something wrong".
I loved your description of the doctor. The way he was still young, really. The way he kindly cared. This was a very touching piece, Juliet.
| Kriss-C chapter 1 . 1/5/2006
That was really deep but it was so sad... It made me want to go hide away some where... But it was still a great poem good job
| bitterpaper chapter 1 . 1/3/2006
I like this. I especially like the random commentaries-lets you know the speaker is truly talking to you from his or her heart, and not just spewing out heartfelt sob stories-and it makes me want to know what happened to the speaker, although it's a nice touch that you don't ever find you for the review on my poem, I greatly appreciated it.
| PacoTheCharm chapter 1 . 1/3/2006
I like it, and the spacing to emphasize those small details. only comment is that i think u meant pour and not poor.
| Looking For You chapter 1 . 1/3/2006
I dug this a lot. It feels real...and I love how you go off on random tangents every once in a while...keeps it realistic.