Reviews for Dog Walker
Lightning Storm chapter 16 . 1/12/2007
I hate going to parties like that. I'd rather just a smallish group of friends... But anyways. Nice chapter, not much really happened. Update soon
PanicAttack757 chapter 16 . 1/12/2007
this is a really good story!

i can't wait to see what happens next!

also i LOVE green day!

Update soon!
Monica Ronovitch chapter 16 . 1/12/2007
Oh, I can't wait to find out how this ends! It's a very catching plot that just draws the reader in.

Okay, some constructive criticism:

*I've noticed several instances where you write "me and *insert

name here*" when you should write "*insert name here* and I". Try to watch for it and when you need to, do the "and I" thing instead of the "me and" thing. Sometimes you don't want to change it, like if it's just a casual conversation, but when you're narrating you want to say "and I" so that you sound more professional.

*You have some instances where you should either split the sentence in two or change it so that you aren't saying (this is an example that I'm making up off the top of my head) "I ran and then she did this and I said blah and we decided... etc." Using too many "and"s in a sentence detracts from your writing and makes you sound less educated than you may be.

*Punctuation- you sometimes use "." instead of ",", and in some places where you need a "," you just have " ". Try to catch this and fix it- the " " causes the reader to just keep on going when they actually should pause slightly. It makes it seem like you're writing run-on sentences even though you aren't.

*You NEED to work on compound and complex sentences. They are key to making your narration sound sophisticated and educated even if you really aren't, and it makes your writing style more interesting and easier to follow. You seem as if you're almost at the point of writing in them, but you just aren't at that writing level yet. Hate me for it, but I advise you to research them online or look in a grammar book for high school and do some practice work (I hate grammar, so it really means something when I'm telling you look up how to write complex and compound sentences. I had to learn how to write them, and now my writing is definitely at least a notch above how it was before I did so.).

(end of constructive criticism for now- I can't think of anything else to point out at the moment)

So your story: I can't wait to see how it ends! I hope Lee and Hailey end up together, but it's the author's perogative and I'll take a happy or sad ending if you choose to write either.

Keep writing! (and I hope I didn't sound really mean in the criticism...) :D
Kaede Kitsurani chapter 16 . 1/12/2007
-ahem- I will not make you cry. Just a few pointers .

1. Like you already said, your plt is a bit chakey, but definitely not sucky.

2. You don't have too many choppy sentences, that is, if you have any.

3. Try to incorporate more detail. Describe the house, the party, the five guys drinking the spiked punch in the corner and totally getting course, there is such a thing as TOO much description...I haven't come across it yet though. D)

Comments:

1. I totally love this story.

2. Your plot is not sucky(as stated before).

3. I can't wait til the next chapter. .
an emo goth chapter 16 . 1/12/2007
hey 3 more chapters left? aw... i want her to end up with lee...they look i mean sound cute together P ok uhm Update! :D oh ya still love your story P hehehe...
ani18 chapter 16 . 1/12/2007
I would like to help you out in the constructive criticism department, but I still need to work on my own wtiting.

I find it more than a little creepy that her friends thought to enter her house through the window. Why did Conrad mention Lee? I can't wait for the next chapter.
anewfoundsenseofwriting chapter 1 . 1/9/2007
i love this story, i have to keep this short other wise i would go on and on and just so you know this story is offically in my favorties :D

keep it up :)

love

MCR13
kalilamae chapter 15 . 1/8/2007
HAPPY ENDING! MAKE IT JOYFUL! Fwee.
pleasebequiet chapter 15 . 1/8/2007
thank god lee pushed him off her! i was about to go into the fictional realm to slap jack! aargh! UPDATE!
ani18 chapter 15 . 1/8/2007
I can't believe that you are debating whether the ending should be happy or dad. I have had enough sad endings lately. I need a happy ending.

Lee is not a freak, Jack is. I do think that Hailey is a bit cruel. I can't wait for the next update.
PaintSunshine chapter 15 . 1/8/2007
i meant as in we writers have lives...if you know what i mean. yeah icic. i didnt really read this chap. jk jk. still reading...

omg poor hailey. aw. so i guess jack and hailey are quits eh? i was actually starting to go for hailey and jack but i take that back. i still dont have tht feeling of persuasion[is tht even a word?] for hailey and lee. im rambling i know.

but anyway i love it! and i love you! [ahem *cough* you know what i mean. lmao]

x]

the ghost of xmas goth.
Deadman Walks chapter 15 . 1/7/2007
That was interesting. I wanted Lee to whack him a few times but that's okay! At least he did something. Waiting..
Lightning Storm chapter 15 . 1/7/2007
Cliches are the best, gives ya hope that theres something good out there.

Anyways, I'm glad Jack is out of the picture. He's an ass. Now if Only Hailiey would give Lee a chance again.

Update soon
Holly Young chapter 15 . 1/7/2007
i love the chapter!

so dramatic D

now i wish i had a dog to walk ;)
EndlessDark66 chapter 15 . 1/6/2007
Grr I hate FP. I just got done typing a review for you and then it erased on me by saying something like "Sorry, we could not find the page you were looking for." Or something like that. But anyway, I don't really like Jack. I mean, I feel bad for him in a way, but at the same time I don't really like him cuz I like Lee more. I guess that's not very nice of me to say but... yeah haha. Aww, can't she just forgive him now? Or at least soon? Or... um... (I was about to say never lol. My mind isn't thinking straight right now). I have an idea though, if she doesn't want Lee can I have him? Only problem is I don't have a dog so therefore we can't walk dogs together. I mean I used to have a dog but then she got old and... yeah. I miss her. But I'm rambling so I'll shut up on that.

I agree though you do appologize too much haha. I do it too at times though in my A/N. Instead of appologizing you should just be like "Fuck it. This is what I had planned" lol. Or something funny like that.

If this review is confusing or doesn't make much sense, it's cuz I'm tired and I tend to ramble when I'm tired... so... um... yeah.

Awesome chapter by the way. Update soon :)

This review better submit this time or else I'm gonna kill FP haha.
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