|Reviews for Beating the Game|
| MelodieCC chapter 9 . 1/1/2010
god, i feel bad for Patrick; been played like that... great story so far :)
| Bingo chapter 18 . 12/30/2009
... this story is ancient. So, yeah. Why have you not continued it?
Moving on xD (i really shouldnt complain, i just came across it today, anyway ...) it's a good story. It's well-written, and it's interesting to read. There's a few things i don't like about it ... i mean, you /do/ introduce Pat as a jerk and everything, but as a main character, he's not much better than Brett. Intelligent and a bit snide and WAY too cynical (an entertaining combo, i'll give you that).Apparently what Alex did "changed" him for the worse and everything ... but seriously. For a cynic that's kind of sad, though, isn't it? Changed entirely for a girl? It just feels like something is missing ... like, a part of me wants to feel sorry for him, but can't.
This could partly be also because, man, this takes everything so seriously! I'm Egyptian, so i dunno, but /seriously/, is American high school LIKE that? I watched 90210, but i swear i don;t even understand Marielle. It just seems to be so intense over something so stupid, you know? The only thing i can make of it is that, apparently ... she likes him. Okay. So what's with all the weird games and stuff? I know they're competitive and all, but nobody even mentions how stupid they're being ... except Katia, but even she goes funny with cryptic "You're in over your head"s.
Its entertaining, but like i said, a bit confusing xD Doesn't mean it's unrealistic, though. Teenage guys and their paranoid drama ... it works, i guess.
The last thing bugging me (im sorry, i know this review is weird, but let's face it, Pat's character gets to you. I really liked him at first, but now he's a bit ... much xD) is Hikari. Okay, she doesn't bug me. That's the point, she's pretty awesome. I'm honestly irritated we're sticking with Marielle. Pat keeps making references to how "smart" Marielle is, but really ... she's a little ridiculous, from a girl's point of view xD There's no romance as far as i can tell. A lot of lust. But that's it. With Hikari, we had a really cool opportunity for one ... and i'm not sure where it's going, but after this chapter (and if they DO sleep together or whatever, it'll probably kill my hopes for Hikari, so ...) i'm guessing we're still stuck with Marielle. Who is annoying.
Yeah. Sorry xD Anyway! Awesome story. Patrick's pretty cool all in all, although he is a bit ... odd. But good job ;)
| Fiery Apple chapter 18 . 12/19/2009
So I said I'd do another review when I finished reading, and now I am finished reading and thus- voila- another review. I seriously cannot believe I'm reviewing for a Boston fan... eww...
These past few chapters have been different than the rest of the story. People are generally more likable, for one, and (before this chapter) the intensity was more mild. It was an interesting change that fit the change in the characters' attitudes towards each other (specifically Mari and Pat). We've lost a bit of that initial wit and humor, but gained much character depth. I really enjoyed having the background stories told a chapter or two ago. That conversation was EXTREMELY well done, and I I believe it foreshadows what will come...
Anywho, this chapter bothered me, and it took me a long time to figure out why. Finally, I realized it was because Pat did something completely out of character- he went back for the stupid wallet when it was CLEARLY a trap. Now one of several (and probably a mixture) things could have been going on- he had too much to drink, he really is attracted, and so on. But what really bothered me is that Pat does not even consider the missing wallet to be a trick until he is led upstairs. As soon as the wallet is missing, I'd expect Pat to be suspicious or at least when the wallet is found where he was not during the party.
Besides that, I really cannot tell if Hikari is trying to get with Pat, set Mari up with Pat, or just create a huge drama (honestly, I think that one's most likely). That's making reading this story very fun at the moment.
What else I find interesting is that you're characters have generally remained static. It's not necessary a bad thing- but it gives you something to think about- what is the point of writing this? What message are you trying to get across? Actually, I take that back- the static thing- they APPEAR not to change, but Pat really has changed, from the beginning- he's almost becoming what he hated most. So maybe that is your point. If that was your point, it might have been better to start this story with Alexis, and that whole fiasco.
Again, I would like to remind you that you owe these characters an end. Get to it!
| Fiery Apple chapter 4 . 12/19/2009
Alright, I've gotta get this out now. Usually I'll wait until I finish a story, or catch up to the author, but I already have way too much to say.
First off, I'd like to scold you for not updating this story in over a year. I'm only on chapter four, but unless your writing skills randomly diminish in later chapters (a highly unlikely situation), this is a story that deserves an end. You've already developed highly intriguing characters and the beginnings of what could be a gut-twisting, drama-filled plot. Keep it going! At the very least, you owe it to your characters to continue their story.
Second of all, I HATE the Celtics. Sorry, that has nothing to do with the story, but I had to get it out there.
And now to the actual review. This is honestly the most unique piece of writing I have read on fictionpress so far. A major part of this is, I believe, point of view. You tell the story from a point of view I have never seen anyone successfully pull off- an arrogant, intelligent male.
I've seen the type used in stories. Typically, the point of view is female, she thinks some guy's an ass... yada, yada... she discovers he's really deeper and falls in love with him. Some more drama. Someone probably dies. Happy epilogue or depressing beakup. The end. Even the well written, deep stories typically end up falling into this general pattern, probably because- and I do not mean to be sexist here- the stories are typically written by females. It is extremely hard for a girl to write from such blatantly... male (I really can't think of a different word to describe it) character. Most women (myself included) try to avoid the male point of view completely, and those who do write from a male perspective usually write from a nice guy's point of view (or, the I may act arrogant and self-absorbed on the outside, but I'm really lonely and deep guy pov). To be honest, we just cannot relate because, well, we are not guys!
So this point of view completely blew my mind. I love it! I also give you props for writing a romance. Atypical for a guy. Atypical awesome. This point of view makes it extremely hard for me to predict what will happen next, a trait I absolutely love in a story. I cannot stand it when I know exactly what will happen in the following scenes and how the story will end. Patrick's character and this point of view make the story unpredictable!
Ahh, and now to Patrick's character. I love how I'm in a love/hate situation with the character. He is such an asshole. But he sees past the bullshit- or the ulterior bullshit. And I love how you skillfully and purposefully devised Patrick's character in this way (I certainly hope, at least) to open up room for mistakes and growth. He is so not perfect, in the perfect way. And the way Patrick sees the world- it makes Patrick seem all the more real.
Oh, and another amazing thing you do- you keep up with Patrick. You say Patrick is smart, clever, arrogant- and then you prove it. Over and over and over. You don't let Patrick randomly have a lapse of character and turn oblivious to the world around him- so many authors let this happen for the sake of their plot- and you have the story set up so Patrick will most likely bring about his own downfall (maybe not, I mean, you have been thus far unpredictable...).
Alright, I'm becoming incoherent, my sentence structures and spelling have gone to hell, and I'm starting to think in circles. I think I used the word "thing" more than once. That's my cue that it is currently three in the morning and time to go to bed. I will definitely be reviewing again, at the very least when I get to where you have left this story hanging.
P.S. YAY for engineer writers!
| update please chapter 17 . 12/18/2009
I adore your style, it is absolutely awesome. It is so hard to find a subtle piece of well thoughtout fiction about 'delicate' social interaction. Your characters are well written and beautifully expressed; I could go on and on, but in short, magnificant and original. I really hope you carry on, and write more with this style, it truely has a lot of protential to develope into something even more stunning.
| ghurl00 chapter 18 . 12/10/2009
You're A Legend! I love your story! I hope you update soon. Patrick's inner monolouges are so entertaining. He thinks too much. Hehe. Anyhoo, the storyline is very interesting, I wonder who will be Patrick's girl at the end.
| Desy.Rae chapter 6 . 11/30/2009
You do realize if you haven't updated by the time I'm finished with the rest of the chapters I'm ganna go psycho bitch on your ass :) Just a warning.
| katicus chapter 18 . 11/25/2009
this story is awesome! its good to have something totally from a guy's POV that isnt sappy, but just the truth.
update soon :)
| thickfolders chapter 18 . 11/25/2009
I'll be the thousandth review for you.
Really enjoyed the story and liking it from a male POV. Nice refreshing change from the usual.
And the last part, was so true to horny teenage boys :D
| jessie0754 chapter 18 . 11/25/2009
Nyargh! I really like Derek (as a character-he's so nice) but the terrible part in me is rejoicing at this turn of events (and who can blame me? The prospect of another steamy sex scene ;P). I'm still waiting for Derek to show up though-and cutting the steaminess short-because clearly Mari is playing a game.
You are extremely talented in creating characters with in-your-face attitudes, that forces the reader to be disgusted by them, and yet love them at the same time (I THINK that sentence made sense..). Freaking amazing character development! And the sexual tension! Wow :)
While I'm irritated with Patrick's hypocritical decision at the end of this chapter, I have to concede that it's an extremely realistic decision for a hormonal guy to make... le sigh. If he had selflessly turned away from braless Mari, I probs would have had less respect for you.
Which reminds me. You are FREAKING AWESOME and I just LOVE it how you're writing it in a guy's perspective (I actually try and look for male POV romance stories, because they are so incredibly interesting). While the female side (or *twitch* worse... the switching POVS!) can be fun, you can only get so far through that route (because it's been done so many times). WAY more interesting doing it in his POV. I commend you! Of course, it helps that he's intelligent with an AWESOME personality. So yes.
Now, I see that you have not updated since either 1 October 2008, or 8 January 2008. Regardless of which one, THAT'S TOO LONG! PLEASE PLEASE UPDATE SOON! It's so hard to find an incredibly interesting story with a good and somewhat unpredictable plotline, well-rounded characters as well as a good writing style, SO PLEASE PUT US OUT OF OUR MISERY FOR A LITTLE WHILE WITH AN UPDATE :P
Oh, and points for creating a sexy nerd that does not (or tries not to... he IS a male teenager, after all) conform to stereotypes (heh heh, I think I just described myself ;P. Minus male) And I really hope Hikari doesn't ACTUALLY like him, because I don't want her hurt (nice name btw: "Light" in jap... very cute). If she DOES like him, then she's an amazing actor :D
Okay, I swear I'm done.
| SlugHunter chapter 18 . 11/24/2009
Seriously awesome story! Its unique, original and has given a new perspective on cliches.
the character development has also been really good
OH! and the fact that the characters arn't perfect! makes it so much more fun, interesting and believable :D
hope you update soon!
| esther.hia chapter 18 . 11/19/2009
smooth flow and correct use of grammar?
complicated romance that fully takes advantage of the nerd-cheerleader cliche without overdoing it?
diverse characters? (ahaha, i'm asian)
fictionpress obviously has legends-you know the ones i'm talking about. the don't-disturb-me-until-i'm-done stories that hardly make you feel guilty about pushing off your thesis or finals logs. this little treasure, i can say with certain absoluteness, is one of them.
the problems that ensue with my finding of these rare gems, is that i am turned off by any other fiction piece that lacks the sarcastic (yet subtly so), funny, and rounded characters with the refreshing punch of amazing lines that stories such as yours provide. (this is me telling you in a roundabout, complaining sort of manner that i really, really want to chain you to a typewriter so that you can write 24/7.)
hey, despite the frank personality, manipulative mind, and paranoia patrick possesses, i'm starting to wish that there are more sexy nerds like him in my academic setting.
your writing had my eyes glued to the screen. keep up the updates-i'm hoping my "tiny" review speeds up the process a bit-and don't leave too much of a cliffhanger on the next one:)
| Jinxed Rogue chapter 3 . 11/17/2009
I've been around a ton of guy programmers all of my life and this is probably the only story on this site that accurately portrays them!
I never understood that weird geek cliche people have going. I've never seen it in real life. Some of the best programmers I know are party boys.
| Hallowheart chapter 1 . 11/16/2009
D: You haven't posted in over a year T_T
| pattEcake chapter 18 . 11/14/2009
A year and two months. A YEAR AND TWO FREAKING MONTHS! UPDATE OR I SWEAR I WILL FIND YOU AND CASTRATE YOU! (doesn't matter if you have iron balls- I have a pretty heavy duty chain saw [:)