Reviews for Beating the Game
heavengurl899 chapter 17 . 2/26/2009
haha a true Machiavellian. What I always wanted to know about Machiavelli is that did he ever go crazy with his distrust of the human population. Did he ever give it a break? Oh and Patrick's a bit of a hypocrite isn't he? Hitting girls then being disgusted when only a guy gets pleasure from sex...
heavengurl899 chapter 16 . 2/25/2009
uhm fuck it I only got you 900 I have no idea why I said 10 (wishful thinking?) oh well. I really have no other critique other than the correction of my mistake. So I'll leave it at that.
heavengurl899 chapter 15 . 2/25/2009
Pesto IS the way to go haha I made some the other day when I went home and it was surprisingly good. And sisters are romantics but you can't blame us for setting the brothers up :D heehee especially when they come for help. Oh and I'm the 10 reviewer! WOOT!
heavengurl899 chapter 14 . 2/25/2009
oh very well played Marielle...that was definitely a low blow haha. Are we finally seeing some good human in these horny teenagers? I don't know if I could actually finally see Patrick and Marielle together. Wouldn't they just tire each other out? Or they could end up like Myrika's Adrian and Alex who had similar manipulative personalities. Hm. I don't know who left you the comment about your characters not having depth but from what I see I believe they're very realistic characters. But maybe I just don't understand what people mean by depth.
heavengurl899 chapter 13 . 2/25/2009
haha I've never actually read a "mature" scene by a guy and I always wondered if it would be different. I definitely don't think it's "unrealistic" sex is sex, I think Mari and Patrick realize that.
heavengurl899 chapter 12 . 2/25/2009
hmm only one problem in this chapter and it has more to do with a cultural reference. My family is Muslim, I might be more of a deist but many of my sympathies still lie with my family (especially since I'm a first generation immigrant). Now coming from a Muslim background I can tell you that none of us see Osama as a Islamic preacher. I know many atheists don't really differentiate the two because they take a more cynical look on religion (I have debated this with many atheists thus I have a bit of knowledge in the subject). So if you wanted to be culturally correct and avoid the...what's the word...antagonize some of your readers, I'd suggest you change that. Otherwise I enjoyed the chapter.
heavengurl899 chapter 10 . 2/25/2009
good chapter but there is one sentence in here that is particullarly awkward “See, Marielle there wants everyone ready to dance at her whim..." it just runs weirdly so that you have to read it a couple time to understand it. This would've been a good place to stop as an ending :D
heavengurl899 chapter 9 . 2/25/2009
haha how melodramatic. I'm so glad I avoid this stuff at all costs. But hopefully Patrick can twist this to his own game and have the upper hand. It's fun rooting for the underdog.
heavengurl899 chapter 8 . 2/25/2009
haha thanks for shooting my faith in Hikari down. I certainly hope this doesn't turn into pure romance but I do hope that there are glimpses of it.
heavengurl899 chapter 7 . 2/25/2009
hitting girls huh? that's a bit much don't you think? One of the "Male Virtues" is self control don't you think?
heavengurl899 chapter 5 . 2/25/2009
I really enjoyed Hikari haha she was one of the only intelligent characters we've seen and hopefully, like Katia, she'll have her redeemable qualities (Katia's number one is that she's an older sister :D I think your description of an older is sister is pretty much to a tee. At least my younger brother (I'm in college and he's a senior in high school) tells me).
heavengurl899 chapter 4 . 2/25/2009
haha this really is a high school version of Dangerous Liaisons isn't it? I love the game! The whole seduction, revenge and envy bit. I'm sure you'll put your own little twist to it though. All the stuff Patrick see's other girls doing and recognizes is hilarious partly because I don't think I've ever done half the shit he's pointed out and partly because I see other girls doing it. Are these your own observations or did you have a female friend tell you what she does?
heavengurl899 chapter 3 . 2/25/2009
haha a man of the 21st century making remarks about "virtues of Real Men" hm interesting. But I'm really interested to see how this "Patrick having a mysterious past" goes. Because I, like Katia (which I love the name by the way), had a friend who was with a girl who played him pretty badly and now instead of the unique funny and interesting guy he was he's become vain and an asshole so I'd like to see what happens to Patrick. My friend is actually "reforming" himself.
heavengurl899 chapter 1 . 2/25/2009
haha wow, ass-hole indeed. Although it is very refreshing to see that this guy has a character very much of his own I hope it doesn't necessarily mean that we don't see some semblance of good in his nature. By the way in the very top of the chapter you had a phrase "Nothing doing." What exactly does that mean. I have never heard it before and I thought maybe it was incorrect syntax usage but it seems it's not.
pretitiful chapter 3 . 2/15/2009
i love it how the first point of view is froma boy.

:)
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