Reviews for Beating the Game
angelblissjoy chapter 18 . 12/3/2008
hi

great job

this story is very engaging

i hope i get to read more of it

please update soon

wud like to see what the whole game is all about.

take care

update soon
hippi926840 chapter 18 . 12/2/2008
this is good.

though patrick is a bit of a douche

i gotta say im liking the hikari/pat pairing and so mari is really starting to annoy me

keep it up!
OhSweetheart chapter 18 . 11/8/2008
Don't let that girlfriend take time away from your story, it is way too good to stop. Luckily, high school is no where near this bad, but I do have a friend that is very similar to Patrick, though, also luckily, without a Mari.
Chasing Skylines chapter 13 . 10/29/2008
I don't see how asking for a reviewer's favorite chapter is cliched, I've never seen someone ask for it before.

I would have to say that my favorite chapter was the one where Patrick told everyone off.
Chasing Skylines chapter 12 . 10/29/2008
"As it turned out, my little “incident” with Marielle had no immediate ramifications. I suspected this was due to two things: one, she couldn’t really do much more to me than she already had, given my almost complete isolation from the rest of the school. And two, I doubted that she had any more idea what to make out of the whole thing than I did. At the rate we were going, we were either going to have violent sex or kill each other. Maybe both."

I was expecting that to have happened last chapter.

"All in all, I was doing an admirable job of applying the “If I’m not happy, you’re not happy” doctrine to a good portion of the school."

I can't say I wouldn't do the same when/if faced with the same situation.

The whole "recovering social structure system" is almost like anarachy in history.

"I really needed to stop underestimating Marielle."

I can't tell if this is foreshadowing or just plain paranoid.
Chasing Skylines chapter 11 . 10/28/2008
I'm starting to like Patrick's character more and more, especially considering the fact that I would likely react the same or similar ways. Like during the "Disgust welled up in me." I was feeling the same way. The layers in his character help too; at first you're introduced to a geek, supposedly, then within the first few paragraphs/sentences, you establish the arrogant air, and so on throughout the story. A sign of me liking a character is when I feel contempt for those treating him in a way I perceive as wrong, for example the lunch scene.

Tom’s mouth worked silently for another minute, clearly trying to formulate some sort of response that didn’t make him look like a complete imbecile. Failing that, he finally picked up his tray and started toward another unoccupied table. The rest took this as their cue to do the same. I did not watch them go.

I remember saying in a review 'where did Tom go?'. Now that it's answered (and I remember WHY too, how Tom didn't want to get into this), I wished he'd stayed away longer.

I smirked to myself and returned to reading old Bill Simmons columns on

Missing a period there. Obviously this is a small typo, but had to point it out.

I begin to think the human mind confuses love with hate at various times. If you think about it, the two emotions are pretty close (as in, you both put a lot of passion into it; you can hate someone extremely, with all your heart, or love someone with that fervor).

Another point I wanted to make. Your writing has definitely improved since the beginning (you notice these things better when you read something from the beginning without halts for updates.), and the chapter are a lot longer too. As in, it takes me the same amount of time to read two of your early chapters to have read this one.
Chasing Skylines chapter 10 . 10/28/2008
I would brave the cold easily for a Patriots game, but I had no desire to see a bunch of amateurs slam each other into the frozen turf while my own ass cemented itself to the bleacher.

The opposite has happened to me. I melted into the bleacher.

The week that followed was an exercise in character acting. I played the enthusiastic genius for my teachers

Enthusiastic? Quite the contrary to the first chapter, where he was barely tolerating to the teacher.

One of Mari’s so-called friends answered, some bubble-headed girl who called herself Staci “with an I”. She simpered something welcoming and batted her eyelashes at me, obviously wanting to make nice with the Queen’s current consort, but I raised an eyebrow in response and brushed past her into the living room. As much as I’d hoped that my stereotypes about cheerleaders would be shattered when I finally got around to talking to them, I’d found myself sorely disappointed. There were only a couple who I really classified as being able to think, but even they weren’t so much independent as slightly more intelligent pawns of Mari – probably her knights and bishops.

I liked the comparison to the chess board. It gives that feeling that it's all a game and she's the 'queen'. Or the player really.

Which was fine by me. I trailed along behind slowly as the crowd followed them toward what would likely prove to be its next source of drama. I smirked to myself. They had no idea.

I hope it really is dramatic and not just melodramatic.

Still, I needed one more actor to be present before my little drama could play out. My eyes cast around the room, finally coming to rest on the table on which the diminutive Asian girl I’d been searching for was sitting. Hikari, too, was watching the scene with a predatory gleam in her eyes – the gleam of a reporter who has just realized she’s got front row seats to News, with a capital N. Or, in this case, gossip.

Those betting polls were mysteriously never mentioned again, or I just didn't read carefully enough.

Hikari made a show of checking some figures. “Around $700.”

I knew money was involved. It always is.

Bad move on her part. I don’t know what she was going to say next, and I don’t really care. I rounded on her. “Shut the fuck up, bitch.”

Well spoken, though apparently this family is also verbally violent.

This chapter could very well have been the climax of this story, and if the first few chapters hadn't been a bit rushed (to me) it would've worked out well. But then there's the whole it 'it isn't over yet' thing in this part. I'm expecting something said in an author's note before, where it was said that there was a one-sided fascination. Ultimately they'll somehow still end up playing the game, and falling in love... maybe in need of a sequel... unless of course more drama comes in. Which leads to that love... Hopefully it won't be so trite. Now that I think about it, this could've been somewhat of an ending chapter, and a sequel could've been started from here. Of course, due to that line about how 'Marielle was different, she was something smarter', this is going to go on.

Now that I've finished this chapter, there are obviously consequences to be wrapped up, and maybe a new plot line...
Chasing Skylines chapter 9 . 10/27/2008
The expressions on the faces of both my parents softened, and I knew I’d won. They were aware that I was a bit of a loner at Freemont, even if I’d never shown any signs whatsoever of being bothered by it, and were always subtly hinting at me (when something I said reminded them of it) to make more friends. The news that I’d moved outside my social circle – which mostly consisted of hanging out with some of the smarter geeks now and then (like Tom Neddry) – was bound to be encouraging to them.

whatever happened to Tom?

What I needed was something I didn’t know, some hook into her psyche that I could use to gain back some of the leverage I’d lost. I could have asked Hikari – who certainly had no allegiance to Marielle – but she didn’t have any allegiance to me either, and the more I realized how ruthless she could be in getting whatever story she wanted, the less I trusted her to tell me anything without a serious ulterior motive.

I still like Hikari's personality; and the whole 'will do anything to get what I want' really ties into the whole reporter thing. Maybe because of it.

It had all been a setup from the start. All of it. Hell, I wouldn’t even have been surprised if Marielle had set Melanie up to sleep with Brett at the party, just so she could get him out of the way. I was her optimal pawn in every conceivable fashion – the man who could fragment the jocks enough that true control over the school fell into her hands, the one thing from Alexis’ past that could fluster her enough to give Marielle social control over the entire town.

Wow, Marielle's got ambition. And Hikari's just...

“What do I think? What do I think?” I laughed again. “I think you’re welcome to her. I think you’re welcome to both of them. Yeah, I definitely think you can have Marielle back too. You can have the whole fucking thing, Brett.” I clapped him on the shoulder. “You’ve earned it.” Giving up already?
Chasing Skylines chapter 8 . 10/27/2008
“We’re such a violent family.”

I'd say so, when your first impulse to being humiliated is to punch someone in the noise. Not to mention hurting someone with a pompom...

There, staring back at me, was a slightly blurry rear shot of my dramatic “V” pose as I exited the party with Marielle. With a sinking feeling, I perused the text of the accompanying article, noting the slight embellishment of the events of Saturday night with a frown. The worst part of it all was that Marielle had probably had nothing to do with it – and she was still the biggest beneficiary, as the article sped up exactly the kind of school wide reaction she’d planned on. I had enough disadvantages in our little battle already; I didn’t need Hikari giving her a leg up for free, even an unintentional one.

Ah, disappeared last chapter to get a camera?

Hikari laughed again. “There isn’t. But so what? You two get me circulation. I’m sorry, but I really don’t care which one of you wins. What I do care about is being able to write ‘consistently had to run off multiple printings of my school newspaper’ on my college applications.”

I like her reasoning.

I started to say something, but he raised a hand to cut me off. “Let me finish. Basically, you seem like a pretty cool guy; for one, it’s nice to have someone to discuss Boston sports with who doesn’t keep interrupting the conversation to bring it back to his own highlight reel. And I’d like to establish that we’re not all brain-dead muscle-bound morons, so you don’t need to be quite as defensive as you have been.”

Hey, people have personality in this school. Told you, character development.

Marielle laughed easily and sat herself down on my lap. “Why so hostile? You’re king of the school today. I hear you even had a sit-down with Derek. Brett’s support base is crumbling already.”

Wow, it's like she has control of the school camera. I could definitely see her in some type of control base.

Next chapter ...
Chasing Skylines chapter 7 . 10/27/2008
She nearly spat her response at me. “Like I’d spend time thinking about a toy I dropped two years ago.”

Ouch, cold.

“You’re still here? You can go now, you know.” The light tone in which she said it made the dismissal all the harsher.

I was wondering if she was still there. It was typical, and warranted giving Marielle a chance to act cool.

I started to say something, only to be cut off by a hearty yell of “Way to go, Morrison!” Turning back in surprise, I saw the collection of drunken partygoers I had been entertaining engaged in an uncoordinated combination of applause, wolf-whistling and congratulatory shouting. As I took it all in, I caught a glimpse of Hikari’s black hair disappearing into the crowd.

What, does Hikari like him?

A couple audience members crossed over to my couch to high-five me. I laughed and obliged, freely admitting that I’d never been called a “pimp” by so many people before in my life. This remark naturally led to a beer-spilling argument over whether Snoop Dogg or Rick James had more “pimp mojo”. Sometimes, drunken people can be very amusing.

Without a doubt, to the last line.

I was silent for a moment. I wanted to shout out that she was wrong, or come back with some sort of devastating sarcastic rejoinder. But it would ring false, because she was right, and she knew that I knew it. It had felt good, sitting there, knowing that I was kicking their asses in their own world, and drinking in the adulation that came with it. Of course, it was more Marielle pulling the strings than my own accomplishment... but then, wasn’t that how Brett had risen to the top of the pyramid in the first place? At least, I resolved as Marielle’s triumphant smirk widened on the other side of the car, I wouldn’t end up like him.

I guess you can't go against human nature.

“I, uh, punched her. In the face. Broke her nose, in fact. That’s why it’s a bit crooked.”

Should I laugh?
Chasing Skylines chapter 6 . 10/27/2008
This seemed a bit filler till the end. Cliff hangers mean nothing when the story is well into the ways anyway. If this was complete, it'd be even better.

I'm guessing whoever made him this way is coming back? Wooh, another player into the game. This story really reminds me of a quote from A Game of Thrones, "When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die. There is no middle ground." Remove of thrones and we've got a decent summary so far.
Chasing Skylines chapter 5 . 10/27/2008
Returning to the issue at hand, I pulled her keyboard toward me and tilted the monitor so I could see it better. I tapped a few keys. “Alright, I suppose I can try to do this without being my usual jackass self. Hmm... seems it’s just Word that’s frozen up.”

Is Hikari supposed to be the other important character? Considering it took up half the page. And yup, I've agreed with my suspicions of having read this before.

I have my predictions of the whole betting thing, but it's harder to put your predictions down in concrete substance...

“Eh, it’s a habit of hers.”

The reason why I'm guessing is part of the Mysterious Past.

Yes, Hikari is going to play a very large role in this story. What role, exactly, remains to be seen, but it will be quite important. Also, I didn't get to it this chapter, but next chapter will see the introduction of the last of the really important characters. You're probably not going to like her.

I don't know what your high school was like, but this one seems a bit stereotypical. You've got the smart cheerleaders, you've got the muscled-gorilla's, and all other sorts (really, I can't think of anymore at the moment). Then again, that's what makes character development play out so much nicer later.
Chasing Skylines chapter 4 . 10/27/2008
I can vaguely remember starting on this story a while ago, but not getting past it. Either way, I'm reading and reviewing now (I like to support the idea of when you read a chapter, review it, don't just read it all and review the ending chapter, which goes to show my hypocrisy since I'm reviewing at the fourth chapter).

Patrick sure is a character. Having recently finished Artemis Fowl: The Time Paradox, it's kind of funny how much I can relate and parallel Patrick to Artemis (especially considering the book portrays the character development of Artemis, going so far as going to the past). If you've read A Song of Ice and Fire, then I would go to say that he's a bit like Theon, though less promiscuous. If you've read neither of them, I'll go with my description.

Cocky, sarcastic, rude, overly-calculating and a general jackass.

I feel no sympathy, though I can guess I have to read through to understand why he is such as he is now. I'm going for the girl used and tricked him, somehow involving social games? I've found the word I'm looking for, (you said it yourself) he's a sarcastic, calculating bastard.

I don't think it would be wise to say anything about the prose and writing style, considering it's 2 years ago (and mine is far worse). I will say it's hard to get through the prose, not because of anything grammatical, but because Patrick's character even oozes into the description (it is first-person after all, I guess).

I hope you are the writer that appreciates somewhat long reviews. Not to mention belated ones, but a new reader is always something good. No matter how late they may crash the party.
Kimera77 chapter 18 . 10/23/2008
I love this story! The character development, the sarcasm, and the plots! UPDATE ASAP
x3life chapter 18 . 10/12/2008
i love this story! )
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