Reviews for Domestic Spying
lastwrites chapter 1 . 5/12/2006
Your poems are hilarious; this is good and bad. Sometimes, their just random enough to give it a touch of mystery. Sometimes, there so random you get lost in all the "mystery words." Can't quite relate to this, though it definetly is anti-American. Better remove it or they'll kill you! (They being the government lol)
DaggerPen chapter 1 . 3/1/2006
I love this poem, I really do, great writing, great message, but you NEED to fix your grammar. "Hole", not "Whole", and "Come on", not "Common".
eugenio chapter 1 . 2/24/2006
Man I love this - so many thoughts and concepts ran through my head as I read this. Your allusions to the Nazi's, the Gestapo...Iraq - maybe they weren't allusions? i'll read it again.
Theatre des Vampires chapter 1 . 2/23/2006
awesome, so true

you capture the essence of american bullshit so well

got to love our country

Theatre des Vampires, formerly Persistent Friend
Around.about chapter 1 . 2/14/2006
Very nice one of the best i've read on this site
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 2/4/2006
I’m just one of those citizens that your bitching at...you're

we‘re just American‘s...Americans

I like this a lot... it's so true and well done i dont really like the whole Nazi comparison though it's a great idea, but i think it's a little too much for my taste, but that's just me
Gilee7 chapter 1 . 1/23/2006
I didn't pay attention to it when I first read this, but as I read back over it to review, I suddenly "saw" the title for like the first time. I'm wondering now if you got the inspiration to write this poem after the News started reporting that Bush had been spying on Americans for like the last 2 years or more; listening in to our phone conversations. "Domestic Spying" ... fits perfectly.

-He’s got a tattoo of a keyhole under his left eye;- Another keyhole reference. Just like that menagie a trios poem with the cancerous keyholes.

-(tell me more about my brochured rights - "brochured rights" I like that.

-burn her to the ground like a modern day saint for her country / murder her and her Arab boyfriend / teach them what it’s like to be American.- I love the hard biting bitterness of these lines (and the whole poem really). And I also really felt the airport-dial-911-if-you-see-anything-suspicious lines that follow. Very powerful. And very true.

-that my Wal-Mart $12.99 bra / doesn’t push my tits up like the movie stars;- This line made me smile. I like the humor within the really serious and cynical poem. And even this line, though it's humorous, it isn't delivered like a joke. It reads very seriously still, keeping with the tone of the entire piece.

-He doesn’t need a key whole to learn all of our dirty little secrets - I like the word play with "keyhole" and "key whole." Clever.

-he can type my name in, / last, / first, / and middle initial / and hunt me down electronically. / How do you run over the computer wires?- I really like these lines, too. Hell, I like the whole poem, but just a few lines jump out at me even more than others. This is so true for today. Our privacy is getting smaller and smaller with all the gains in technology. This kinda reminds me of the whole myspace craze and how like anytime somebody wants to talk to somebody that they've seen at school, they can usually just search for them on myspace and find them. Sadly, I've actually done that.

-Please darling, show us what the Nazi’s were really like!- I'm loving the repitition of this line. It comes across with more strength each time.

-put our American middle fingers in the direction of the worlds deserts / while we search out the black water / that makes our SUV’s run faster / (we are a nation with speed in mind.)- Very powerful lines. I especially like the added bit in parenthesis. It really makes the U.S. sound like greedy pigs; the schoolyard bullies of the (so called) free world.

-level your keyhole eye / to mine- I totally saw this!

Juliet, another excellent poem. This one was very intense. It never did let up in emotion all the way from line one to the very last line. I could hear the voice from this poem; it seemed to yell at me from the computer screen. The frustration, the anger, the cynicsm, the bitter sarcasm; I felt it all as if the person was standing before me, spitting the words into my face.

It's so sad how true this poem is. Makes me almost feel ashamed to call myself an American.

Write on, Juliet. And Write On HARD!
TheTrumpet chapter 1 . 1/20/2006
The biting cynicism is perfect for the political nature of the poem; it undermines the opposition completely, asking exactly what criteria you have to fill to be 'American.' (I especially loved the "12.99 bra line" - I had this mental image of spies peeking up someone's skirt to see if they were patriotic enough.)

The parallels drawn between facist Germany and 'democratic' America were fantastic, too. I'm Australian, but the issues resound for every country involved in the War. :)
SarahJaneDrkAngl05 chapter 1 . 1/14/2006
wow that was amazing! you write very well when your mad! very well written! keep writingSarahJane
Valentine's Disease chapter 1 . 1/12/2006
this is so powerful.i am speechless.
The Watched chapter 1 . 1/10/2006
Interesting and cynical. I liked the formatting.

A few spelling and grammatical errors though. "American's" should be "Americans", "your" should be "you're" and "common" should be "come on"..."key whole" should be "keyhole", "worlds" should be "world's" and "Nazi's" should be "Nazis"...I think "x-boyfriend" should be "ex-boyfriend", too.

I'm sorry, but I really can't be bothered giving you line references...they're not difficult to find, particularly not when you know what you're looking for. I would suggest running stuff through a grammar check before you post it, to be honest.
account not in use chapter 1 . 1/10/2006
i. love. this. this is what i think, in fragments, scared that i do (my mother is a red, white, and blue supporter to the fullest. bush does no wrong. the war is absolutely nessacary to put the fuckers back in their places. you don't mess with america.) and wondering if i'm alone in it. amazing job.
Jodie Sinclair chapter 1 . 1/8/2006
wow this is so filled with emotion i love it thanks for the review by the way.
notACTUALLYwriting chapter 1 . 1/7/2006
... yeah. I so get this, and it made me mad. Really mad. A lot of things get me mad, but nothing like our standards today, and how I've actually come to hold myself to these standards.
Tr APeze-sWiNGer chapter 1 . 1/6/2006
WOW! This is going on my favorites list. The repetition, the voice, everything...I love it!
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