Reviews for The Gem of Duragon |
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Wolf Queen 001 chapter 6 . 8/27/2007 Good chapter, yet again. A few minor grammatical errors, but no big deal. I liked it. Keep it up. |
Wolf Queen 001 chapter 5 . 4/16/2007 Good chapter, nice descriptions and everything. However, I was a little confused about the "tent renting" system. You may want to explain a little more... I'm just confused as to why there would be a mass of tents randomly placed in the wilderness, although I guess it does kind of make sense... I was thinking more along the lines that the tents would be rented from the city of origin and would be priced according to how long they were rented. Then they could be returned at the end city... But that's just me. And don't feel bad because of my opinions. The other thing I was going to point out was that fifteen miles really isn't a long walk all things considered, unless, of course, they left at noon. According to my calculations (which are probably wrong; I'm bad at math) the average person can walk between 3-5 miles an hour. So really, their trip would only take between 3-5 hours. Either way, it's a good chapter. Has a lot of emotion, makes you think. Especially where Aegis is concerned... She's acting like a real B all of a sudden. LoL. |
Wolf Queen 001 chapter 4 . 3/6/2007 Wow. This is a lot better than when I first started reading it. You have a good idea for detail - you know when to put just the right amount, not too much, not too little. You also fixed some of the grammatical things I had seen earlier. You don't have sets of quotations from two different people in the same paragraph like you tended to do earlier; that's good. Also, you write with a bit of humor that I don't think I could pull off very well. The comic relief in this thing is well placed. You should keep writing this when you have time, Lan. I look forward to it. |
Wolf Queen 001 chapter 2 . 2/17/2006 *claps* Yeay! That was wonderful. Far better than when you first wrote this. Your intro, too. You put a lot more detail into both of them, even if it does seem like your prologue trails off suddenly. I'm sure you meant to tod that, though. This was great, truly great. I told you if you rewrote this, it'd be better, and I was right. Congratulations, Lancun; I think you've outdone yourself this time. This thing has so much potential... Let's just hope you can make the most of it. ;) |
Wolf Queen 001 chapter 1 . 1/25/2006 Alright, Lan. Glad I found this. You do have a nice introduction, going; though it could use a little more description. I don't know, though. I mean, it's your story; I don't really have any right to criticize it in any way. It's a good chapter, regardless, at any rate. I did glance at your second chapter. And I could tell that just from looking at it, you made a lot of improvements. I can't wait to read that one. |