Reviews for Sonnet II
With Rhyme and Reason chapter 1 . 6/29/2006
"YAY! YAY! YAY!"-that's me expressing my complete and ecstatic joy that someone else in the world can actually write in iambic pentameter. I've reviewed too many people who say "This is a poem in iambic pentameter" and the only thing "iambic pentameter" about it is that there are ten beats to the line. These people have no idea what the difference is between the trochee, iamb, dactyl, etc..

Back to your actual poem, though, which was really great. You definitely have some John Donne moments here. You know, "The Sun Rising" poem: " BUSY old fool, unruly Sun, /Why dost thou thus, / Through windows, and through curtains, call on us?" etc. I know, you're not going for the exact same meaning, but your poem reminds me of Donne. That's a compliment. Yay.

I might even consider this an opposing response to Donne's piece. You've probably read it, but if you haven't, do. He doesn't want the sun to come, as it interferes with the night and his lover, etc. (only it's not really his lover because Donne had a religious meaning behind everything). But you, you're MOURNING for the sun (interesting: morning/mourning). Anyway. I think I get it.

Great rhyming here-none of it is forced at all. None of it is stupid, either (stupid would be rhyming "hat" with "cat"). I also love your last couplet, where you rhyme "right" and "night". It's like throughout the sonnet, you're bewailing the light, but in the end you almost subconsciously accept it.

Your second quatrain is really amazing-especially the line: "Why should I mourn? The night is mortal too..." Lovely!

The only suggestion I would have (this is where you can stop reading, as you really have no reason to listen to me) is that you take advantage of the wordplay. I mentioned "mourning" and "morning" above, but it just ocurred to me that you could play on "right" and "rite" or "sets" (the sun sets) and "sets" (she sets the bowl on the table). This is just a suggestion. Your sonnet is beautiful and flawless as it is, but if we're going to imitate Shakespeare, we might as well dive head-first into punning. I need to start doing it, too.

WONDERFUL job.

J
Dawn's-End chapter 1 . 1/14/2006
The whole idea behind this is beautiful, the rhyme and rhythm are perfect and completely unforced. You also have a definite proclivity for memorable lines. However, if I were to try to name those I liked the best, I would get a sum of 14. Like most sonnets, though, the poem is summarized by the ending couplet, which, in this case, is simply dazzling.
thursdays and rain chapter 1 . 1/4/2006
the night is mortal too - love that line & i adore this poem. keep writing!
GC Age chapter 1 . 1/4/2006
Amazing! Nice work! I really liked it. Now there are some problem...nope I lied no problems at all! THat is quite some thing. the biggest thing is the title I dont know why you did not title it, perhaps it is best left without a name...That is all I have to say.

"Keep on writing those words long and true"- G.C. Ice