|Reviews for One Day|
| ineffablelarue chapter 1 . 3/15/2006
Only a dream? UGH! Well-written, though!
| Drops of Jewpiter chapter 1 . 3/10/2006
great story- i aboslutly love your writing style- it's so completly original. what tense is this in? it's like first person present- but diff. it's strange, but i love it. good job :) tell me when you write something new.~dropsofjewpiter~
| kissxinxthexrain chapter 1 . 2/28/2006
Nice! Very nice! You had me going there! Wow. Wow. I LIKE IT!
| ShadowYellowEyes chapter 1 . 2/17/2006
Do you know you don't accept anonymous reviews? Just in case you didn't know, 'cause the people who read might be willing to make good contributions.
And about your summary, that happened to me. My best guy friend wrote me a note telling me that he had broken up with his girlfriend because he loved me, and he actually told me to watch out for his girlfriend, like she would attack me or something...
Enough about me, hold on a moment, going to go read it now...
And my first thought at the end is, "What? No way. Not cool. That's too sad!"
I love the way this story is written. Using an atypical point of view really sets it out, making it much more personal. It's not an I/he, it's an I/you, making this a conversation between two people, and it's almost like the reader is intruding, which we are, and I really like the way that you did that. Another thing that is very positive is the consistent lack of dialogue. This is a story about how the actions speak louder than words, and you make it very clear by making sure there are no real words spoken. Well, except for the end, which I think you might want to cut that somehow, it really destroys the flow of the exposition.
But it also makes the words all the more important, because it disturbs the flow. I guess it's okay, but it has to be completely intentional for it to work well. Nice job.
~Shadow YellowEyes (ps thanks for the review)
| Out-Spoken-Runaway chapter 1 . 2/12/2006
WHAT? You're making it a DREAM?
_ NUU! You can't do that!
Wow, I over-react. But, that's an awesome story. Why'd it have to be dream? Or did I interpret it wrongly? Anyways, keep writing!
| Kaede Kitsurani chapter 1 . 2/7/2006
Aww...only a dream? Nice twist. You could add more twist to it and before you put in the last line put 'ring' in big, bold letters.
| Fae Caspian chapter 1 . 1/17/2006
at first i didn't get the who, actually talking to the person, but it works so well, really! I loved how it was a dream, it was so real, as dreams usually are, and it was just so well written. I like that they watch Evita, and i LOVE LOVE LOVE how she waits all day to say i love you too. Nicely done, very well captured.
p.s. thanks for reviewing "Not So" I appreciate it.
| Nimain chapter 1 . 1/13/2006
*sob*...so touching i almost cried (sorry Im a big romantic)its a poem right?...i never could right a poem like this...but i loved it...it was really great!
| FlamingDoritos chapter 1 . 1/6/2006
Holy crap. This is amazing. I love how you've written this; it's strangely like a dream I had once...only he was my worst enemy...and wearing neon pink. Hehehe...you oughta do another one of these; I loved this and I'd be eager to read more. You're on my favs. list!
| squiggle-line chapter 1 . 1/6/2006
Totally did not expect it to be a dream...nice twist! Gives the poem that the guy reads and the idea of "the hope that one day that best friend will know how you feel" a completely new meaning.
Erik seems too affectionate for a classroom setting, but since it's a dream, I suppose it's just a reflection of how Ruth wishes things to be? Also, even though she does not declare her feelings for him until later on, she let's him "get away" with quite a few things...is this also a reflection on Ruth's feelings?
Nice use of parallelism (I think about your hugs...I think about your caresses...I think about your hair...I think about your eyes). Those lines give not only a description of the guy, but also a glimpse of their relationship and drives the point that Ruth spends the entire class period thinking about Erik very well.
In the beginning, Ruth seems to be a bit of a loner (sitting by herself at the "geek/loser table"), but by the end of the story, it seems as if she is very wrapped up with Erik. Is this also to emphasize her focus on him?
The note was a cute touch (especially the mention of being stuck in the janitor's closet!) but I can't imagine a teenage guy writing some of those things in a casual note. But again, it's just a dream so I suppose he would write exactly what she wants to hear? (Wow, I'm letting you get away with so many things because of that! :D)
Also (last thing, I promise!), I really like that the piece is directed to Erik. You handle the shifts between the narrator and her subject very well.
Nice piece. :D
| Aella88 chapter 1 . 1/5/2006
Beautiful work! Isn't that every girl's dream? I have to admit there have been times I've had dreams like that. I love the way you set the whole story up to end with the final line about the alarm clock. It's one of those things that happen...nothing like making a wonderful story of the truth!
| Panda-Bear-42 chapter 1 . 1/5/2006
What? The ending threw me for a loop! It was so romantic, and then it's just a dream! Very well written, I loved it! Good Job,