Reviews for Elena
Tsukage chapter 1 . 1/22/2006
this one is way awesome! ur really good at this...i got scared when she ate her children...that freaked me out...keep it up!
acrobia chapter 1 . 1/14/2006
Wow...Marioh I thinkt hat you have exeeded yourself! This piece is fresh and raw, the description is flawless, the details, the way that Elena feels and the way that the reader can quickly relate to her character is simply amazing. The quirky lines are also a very clever touch - I feel like they lighten the mood but they are also powerful and shocking, one of my favourite is " Her intentions were clear, but they were no longer romantic", and hte ending too presents one of this saracastic, yet powerful and deep lines "So beware, because if you pout, cry or shout, the least of your problems is that Santa won’t come to visit you". Initially I saw the transformation almost like a childish description, but what kept me reading is that it was meant to accentuate her biggest flaws - although that is not followed up in the story, or perhaps is followed in a deeper level, it gave the piece a more mature feeling, rather than just presenting a reckless woman who had transformed and the typical vampire story following. I also liked the way the ending distances from the reader, very Quiroga like, presenting the story like a fact, almost as if this were a documentary - very ingenious.

If anything, I felt that the transformation was what could lead readers astray, and perhaps even drive them to stop reading, when in reality the transformation is put cleverly into words and is quite purposeful. The follow-up to the transformation is also clever, the way she focuses on her prey and her intentions, and the description you use is admirable, and I would hate for people to stop reading simply because it does not deal with a woman, but rather some sort of vampire monster, it does not make the story any less serious, rather, more interesting.

I cant wait to see more of your stories! as always, keep writing!xo - Acrobia
PacoTheCharm chapter 1 . 1/13/2006
I like it alot but i have some coments.

"At that moment, he was certain of what his tragic destiny would be." thats akward

"a mock" is one word and its amok, trust me i took the freedom to look it up.

residence, aliments among other words just make the reading very stoppy and awkward, it breakes the fluidity of the writing... pfeiffer mentioned it.. dont over use the facy wording...

and well, knowing you, i htink the ending ccould be much better... ask me later for more... gotta keep unpacking.

love, wlad.
Anthem Aeneid chapter 1 . 1/8/2006
Brilliant! Great writing and a superior storyline to accompany it! I loved it! I like the macabre humor.