|Reviews for The Séance|
| Michael Brasted chapter 3 . 11/17/2012
Brilliant - be warned!
| Esther Jade chapter 3 . 3/31/2008
I got chills when the angel arrived - awesome!
Overall, I enjoyed it a lot. There were a few bits that I found a little bit corny. And I thought the writing style was probably a bit too close to Frank Peretti (not that that's a problem).
Eyes that had no more tears to cry gazed into his, pleading for escape. - This description feels a little corny.
In desperation Talos began to edge towards the kneeling figure of Scarlett. - I think there should be a comma after "desperation".
Abruptly he disappeared. - I think there should be a comma before "he".
Upon his return he saw that Alicia had helped Scarlett into a sitting position. - I think there should be a comma before "he".
| Esther Jade chapter 2 . 3/31/2008
Very suspenseful - totally drew me in. Right up until a few things at the end of the chapter that struck me as a little bit corny. I've pointed them out below.
I thought you conveyed Robert's train-of-thought really well. It felt pretty much authentic to me.
hewondered - Those two words managed to converge.
He flitted from one idea to another, a bee looking for nectar. - The image after the comma seems really out of place. It sort of snapped me straight out of the action.
At that moment Talos reappeared - There should be a comma after "moment", I think.
For a long moment Robert dared to believe he had succeeded. - Again, I think there should be a comma after "moment".
I felt so safe with you and Jake. Your presence was always reassuring, whatever I was going through. - This feels a little bit corny to me. I think I know what you mean but it still comes across as corny in my opinion.
The Lord has suddenly burdened her very heavily, but she doesn't know exactly why. - Again, it feels a bit corny. I think you could cut it and the paragraph would convey the same idea.
| Esther Jade chapter 1 . 3/31/2008
Hey - thanks for PMing me about this. It's very Frank Peretti-esque (He's actually a favourite of mine!). Even the writing style and characters reminded me of him. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing; it just means it didn't feel distinctly "you".
I did find it a bit of a telly introduction (which Frank Peretti does a lot as well, I think). You told us a lot of the information rather than letting us find it out. It does help set the scene but it's a little bit annoying.
The tellyness contrasted strongly with the comment about the long, black dress. I did not understand what was going on there and, considering so much else was explained, it caught me a bit off-guard.
Upon entering the room she had not missed the direction of her friend's intent gaze. - I think there should be a comma between "room" and "she".
Hesitantly he joined her. - I think there should be a comma in front of "he".
| jargonist chapter 6 . 6/6/2007
I've heard Matt rave about this short before,
and I wanted to commend this work of yours!
"Her eyes, normally so full of life, were sad and her slim frame drooped as if she was bearing the whole world on her shoulders"-
this line stood out to me through the whole story,
and the 'burden' was just emphasized greater and greater
each time it was mentioned.
I enjoyed that facet of the story:)
Sorry I couldn't be more critical, I'll have to read more!
| uponthisstone chapter 6 . 5/19/2007
Wow! You wrote an awesome story. Once I got into it, I was sucked in. Great work here Dom. You really captured the reader's attention and everything worked together perfect. The dynamics were good and nothing was belabored it was great. As for the cons, I would have to agree with some that it does seem unfinished. So you better be writing sequel to resolve all of this...it is much needed. You don't really know what happens as it leaves you hanging...which is good for a sequel, but not good if you don't write one...haha...God Bless Dom. I enjoyed it
| uponthisstone chapter 1 . 5/18/2007
This is Greg. I didn't get a chance to finish this story, but I will. Its great so far, I look forward reading the rest. Your words are very descriptive, and the story flows very well so far. When I finish it, I'll let you know what I think.
| pluie etourdie chapter 6 . 5/6/2007
It's quite good. A very interesting topic. Easy to read, to be captured in. I would be interested to hear more of Scarlett and Alicia's view on their new age religion and perhaps how it relates to Christianity. Do they see the other side as one w/o divisions between good or evil? Or is it subject to it too? I really enjoyed Holly's extra sensitivity. And the gentle relationship between her and Jake. Theirs is a sharp contrast to the allusions of lust between Scarlett and Rob. It is almost too much and then it just makes the point.
I'd also be quite interested to see how the conversation between Holly and Jake and Rob went after that. It's like it ended just a chapter or two too short. I want to see how he reconciles what he's seen with his prior skepticism. And what becomes of Scarlett, so stubbornly comitted to her spirit guide. Hope for a sequal perhaps? ;-)
| The Ascended Ancient chapter 2 . 12/28/2006
Interesting beginning. I like the way you're so descriptive; it really bennefits the story. The only thing I really didn't like about the story was the heavy religious subtext. I'm not a very religious person at all (plus I'm Jewish), so the heavy amount of Christianity in it bothers me a bit. Still, it seems to be a good story.
| MissieS chapter 6 . 8/21/2006
This reminds me of Frank Paretti's novel. Dark, but with hope. I thank you for focusing on the darkness that seances create rather than "it's just fun" and "harmless". Peace be with you and your writing.
| Aria Lindz chapter 6 . 2/21/2006
O wow. That was truely an excellent story. Wonderful job. I am a christian as well :)Im also on yspace if you want o friend me :)God Bless!~ lindz214
| Southernprincess chapter 5 . 2/4/2006
Cool, I love it. It's written so well.
| Southernprincess chapter 4 . 2/4/2006
Cool,chapter like how it takes a darker turn.
| TheAngelofhope chapter 3 . 1/28/2006
Enjoyed this. Nice job here.
| Southernprincess chapter 3 . 1/27/2006
Wow, cool he's a realy a scptic(can't spell)I like how it is everything moves and all that.I jave theroy on Scarlett but, I'm not saying it tell I'm sure.I may read your friends work if I get the chance. Please continue.