|Reviews for American Pride|
| KeepMovingForward chapter 1 . 11/29/2011
This is so great. And you are exactly right. Wars should be fought for our freedom, because they is nothing that is more worth protecting. Without freedom, we are not Americans. I really love this!
| Rezdude chapter 1 . 5/11/2006
so im finally reveiwing. cool idea for a poem, but the pentameter (am i using the right word?) was a bit shakey. i myself cant write poetry without it ending at the correct number of sylibles. i am a little confused on your main veiw because you criticize war, but then act like a patriot (which i honestly have rarely seen you act as). but all kidding aside, it was good, really good. keep on truckin'. i mean writing.
| angie3838 chapter 1 . 1/20/2006
I'm assuming the lines are stanza breaks... otherwise, I think you could format this a bit better. "Fought for Whatever" is a bit distracting with the capitalization of both Fought and the Other Word, so I would advise not capitalizing the beginning word of each line. Also, try making each of these two rhyming lines, and see if you like it any better. The format in general is a little amateur, but I'm not sure what you could do to really fix that, but I bet you could figure it out if you play around with it.
The Hitler stanza is my favorite. "power" and "cower" are great. A lot of your rhymes are really natural; I bet you wrote this pretty quickly?
"Wars, True wars,"
What are "true" wars? You need to elaborate a little in this line.
"Today's nations war"
Today's nations' war? The war of many nations, or our nation, or what? The grammar was a bit muddy here.
"For wrong reasons like
Relationships still sore."
This is pretty weak compared to the rest of the poem. I know you can do better! Try not to fall back into cliche things like relationships, because you have a really strong piece otherwise, with specific examples.
"Fighting bravely, fighting against"
Does "fighting" need to be repeated?
Also, in general, I think the latter half of the poem could be edited. I feel a lot of it can be taken out, such as "so don't tell me" and "my meaning by now", etc. I think you prove your point, and you don't need to go into unnecessary babbling. Try establishing what you want to say through the examples you provide, because we are more emotionally invested in things like WWII, Vietnam, the Iraq War, etc. Let your poem say what you explain in your last few stanzas.
I really like this. :)
| Servant of Asherah chapter 1 . 1/15/2006
I would have to say that is the best poetry that I have ever heard, the very best.
| midnighteclipses chapter 1 . 1/12/2006
wow. i like it a lot. the combination of history and the present was really effectivly written. good job )
| review chapter 1 . 1/11/2006
deep man. interesting how humans are so focused on one view. in the end, it all leads to the same awesome poem.
| Moondog Dozier chapter 1 . 1/11/2006
Excellent way to enfuse history, wars, and current topics. The first few stanzas were extremely well written as the rhyme scheme and flow really captured the content. Very well thoughtout concept. Good Work.
| Runic Binary chapter 1 . 1/11/2006
While I can't say I fully agree with your views, I do think that this is well-written and that your patriotism shines through.