|Reviews for In the Shadow of Obsidian Empire|
| Mr. Ree chapter 1 . 10/25/2013
Hey there! Your story has been added to the 'hate/love' category of A Drop of Romeo! Here's your review:
Ali Thinks: The first time I read this story, I was thirteen, awful, and strange. When this appeared in my inbox a few weeks ago, I recognized the story, and I remembered really liking it. I was a bit nervous though, as there seemed to be a commonality between my thirteen year old self, the stories I wrote as my thirteen year old self, and the stories I read as my thirteen year old self: awfulness and strangeness. Not the case with In the Shadow of Obsidian Empire, I'm proud to report. In fact, liking this story may have been the one good thing I did in my "Dark Age."
At first, I wasn't really sure how I felt about Kaitlyn; she seemed kind of mean. At cheerleading tryouts, she was pretty callous, and no matter her justification for humiliating one of the girls, it wasn't cool, and it kind of pissed me off. I thought she'd be this horrid cheerleader creature, whose father just so happened to have been in a famous band. Then, she grew more complex, and I grew more interested. She kind of lives her life in the role everyone has assigned her: she's a delinquent at home, a great girlfriend to Chris, an upstanding student/cheerleader/class president to everyone else, and a self-centered (w)itch to Ash Stevens and company. I kind of felt bad that she had to live in this little preconceived notion box, and I was intrigued to see how she would try to break out of it.
My criticism for this story would be that there were quite a bit of typos, which could have probably been fixed by a quick look through or two. Other than that, I really liked how everything came together. It's always fun to have musicians (let's be honest, once a guy picks up a musical instrument he's automatically 34% more attractive), and it's even more fun to have someone related to a famous musician said guy is obsessed with. The bad boy musician type story may be cliché, and Katie-Maude makes it clear as to why guys like Ash appear so often in stories: they're really freaking cool.
In three years time, my taste in books may change, and I may label my sixteen year old self as the "Dark Ages pt.2," but I have a pretty good feeling that if I stumble across In the Shadow of Obsidian Empire again, I'll love it just as much I did at thirteen and sixteen. Now, I know you all have those moments of "How did my parents let me walk outside when I was young and stupid," but I promise that if you read this story, something good will come out of those times, just like it did for me.
| ObsidianFan chapter 14 . 8/10/2013
Soooooooo ignore everything I just said in my last review. You basically just answered my question because someone had asked it already. haha. Apologies. That's still a bit confusing though, the way the line was worded, but I get it now. :) I shall keep reading...
| ObsidianFan chapter 12 . 8/10/2013
Alright, so far, I'm really liking this. It's got all the things I've always wanted to put together in a story-the play, the two people who hate each other who become the lead of the play and have to work together, the guy being a musician-and I appreciate the irony in the Cindy character (whose name sounds like Cinderella) being the villainous sister to the main character. And I've actually read past Chapter 12 but before I go on any further, I thought I'd point this out: After Kaitlyn has seen The Spins perform, Ash asks her, regarding the song Katy-Lynn, "Did it live up to your father's version?" But then a couple of chapters later, the narration says something about how Kaitlyn can't believe she almost told the truth about her parents to Ash. So is Ash supposed to know at this point that he knows James Andrews is Kaitlyn's father or that line was just a slip up? In any case, just thought I'd point out this tiny thing for when you decide to rewrite this story. Other than, so far so good!
| dreeming chapter 25 . 6/21/2013
It is 4:55am, and I have to be awake in about 2hrs, and I can't believe I just read your story all in one sitting. Seriously, this needs way more reviews/favs! Usually, most highschool stories are the same old predictable cliches dragged around, and I usually get put off and barely make it past the first chapter. While your's used those typical HS cliches, you gave it a more realistic twist, had great background stories, your main characters were absolutely loveable (excluding the bits when Ash was being an asshole, but even then kinda still) and it was all so damn well-written! I was totally sucked in!
| Schweitzer chapter 1 . 2/20/2012
This story had great potential, unfortunately I felt that Kaitlyn was an unbearable Mary-Sue. You might want to work on giving her character more depth and dimension instead of using the typical family problems and unseen character struggles and nobody-understands-me devices.
| witeaya chapter 25 . 5/5/2011
i dont think ash deserved to end up with didnt just give her up. he betrayed her trust and secrets. and after her lil speech about not taking him back, she end up giving in to him.
forgiving him was understandable, but to forget and take him back in just a short time after all that happened? it's frustrating reading how the story ended.
just saying sorry and showing slight remorse cant undo what he didnt deserve a second chance with her. well,it's not actually the second chance,is it?
ugh, i like the story but the ending was frustrating!
| aliaschantra chapter 1 . 11/1/2010
I love Kaitlyn, I do, but I feel like her character stayed flat. I don't know how to explain it coz I'm not good at this but the story just pulled me to react so let me try, okay?
I like that she doesn't go into unnecessary arguments and just indifferent, I like that she isn't coy but straight forward, I like that she is honest and direct, but it seems that she doesn't feel much, I mean she does have emotions but it's not deep enough. She underwent a lot of emotional stress but she barely breaks down and when she does, she recovers quite easily. I understand that she has a wall built around herself that made her strong like that so she can protect herself from her aunt and uncle and from all the toxic people around her but I find it hard to digest that her feelings could be so easily eased.
But the thing is, let me repeat, I like her, she is so forgiving but it makes her so perfect that I can't fully empathize with her.
But what really bugs me is not her but Ash. I've read a lot of character like him and one can't really help but like him but this time I simply don't think that he deserves Kaitlyn. Not even one bit. I hate the fact that she trusted him with all her secrets and just because a certain Karen told him some things that made him insecure, he went and did things so hurtful. It was established that he was the one person that Kaitlyn confided to with her issues that no one else knows, that meant, Kaitlyn trusted him, FULLY, but why can't he trust her in return? Why was he so easily brainwashed? Not to mention that he is so judgmental of Kaitlyn's actions without even knowing the full truth. I feel like he did not suffer enough before Kaitlyn accepted him again. It seems everything was so easy for him, I just don't think it's fair for Kaitlyn. I don't know. That's just how I feel. I would have rather that they didn't end up together actually.
But still, the story got to me. I think I absorbed all the anger that Kaitlyn should have felt towards Ash. eheh. That just shows that I was greatly affected by your writing. I respect your plot and everything in it. As a reader, I felt it is my duty to react. I'm not being critical, that was simply just my reaction.
Thanks for sharing the story.
| kat chapter 14 . 9/22/2010
You have a good idea but I think you need to work on showing the progression of time and developing your characters.
The interaction between Ash and Kaitlyn seems random.
Kaitlyn does not have understandable reactions, if she reacts at all.
| dipintheriverstyx chapter 25 . 7/21/2010
Complex characters & drama! Love
| Novocaine for the Soul chapter 24 . 7/12/2010
Haha that was the fastest setup I've ever seen. I just finished reading, I originally started reading Surviving Obsidian Empire and was confused at the end of the first chapter. It will probably make more sense now though.
Anyway I loved how Kaitlyn finally stood up to Aunt Patty and kicked them out. That lady was so evil, sheesh she definitely reminds me of Karen.
I wanted Kaitlyn to end up with Hayden for some reason, Ash was too eh. Sleeping with Karen and being such an arse to get revenge.
I've got to finish reading surviving at some point so I can get caught up but right now I need sleep.
| Munchlax chapter 24 . 6/30/2010
So, I just finished reading this story in one sitting. :D
I really liked Kaitlyn's character. She was strong, but had her weak points and didn't turn into a blubbering heroine with no backbone.
I also really liked how you didn't go into detail when it wasn't necessary to the plot, like giving the play-by-play of the musical.
What I found disappointing (personally) was Ash's character. I really didn't like him. Lol. It really irked me when he told Jason, Kaitlyn's secrets when she specifically told him not to tell anyone. In addition to him sleeping with other people to get back at her. I think Kaitlyn deserved better (Linc.. -fangirlscream-)
Overall, I definitely enjoyed reading your story! And now I'm off to read the companion piece, Surviving Obsidian Empire. -subscribes- :P
| MistressBlack852 chapter 2 . 3/21/2010
wow! her aunt, uncle and cousin are HORRIBLE! esp her her aunt.. what is her problem? :/
but this is such a good story so far! i can't wait to read the rest of it :)
| thefrogsareattacking chapter 25 . 3/13/2010
Loved it! Really great story
| AngelsXDevils chapter 24 . 1/19/2010
Absolutely amazing story!
For the first few chapters, I got a sense of... frustration?
As if I was feeling what Kaitlyn was feeling.
Goes to show how well you write! :)
But yes, I have to agree with the other readers that Ash didn't do nearly as much as he should have to win back Kaitlyn.
| FictionObssessed chapter 24 . 11/2/2009
Hey there! I finally found your brilliant story! Heard it was palgiarised *rollseyes* Idiot! Anyway, congrats that it won an award and well hope you write some more stories!