Reviews for In the Shadow of Obsidian Empire
priscus-aoife chapter 24 . 10/24/2008
Pretty awesome story!

Geez, most of Kaitlyn's friends backstabbed her. Poor girl.

At least it ended up good, and Ash did some grovelling to get he back (which he really needed to)
False Masquerade chapter 25 . 10/24/2008
This was such an awesome story! I fell in love straight away! So cannot wait to read the sequel!

Keep up the good work
honey splattered brains chapter 25 . 8/24/2008

I love In the Shadow of Obsidian.




Mira chapter 25 . 8/12/2008
This was an okay story, I read it but most of the last chapter and the epilogue. Technically, the writing was all right. I didn't mind the plot, it had potential, but the execution was lacking. After the first couple bouts of drama I stopped caring about the characters.

I don't understand why the girl has to be so pure? Never even oral sex? While the guy can screw around and still be okay? And then they just forgive each other? Very unrealistic. Why did Kaitlyn and Ash even see in each other? All I know is that they liked kissing each other.

Anyways, I think you just need to work on your character's depth and motivations and cut down a bit on the excess drama. Then this story could be a little better, I read it because it was nominated for SKOW.
Fayre Meira chapter 14 . 8/12/2008
i dont know why you let kaitlyn put up with her aunt's shit. she owns the very house they're living in, and if it weren't for her parent's money, they'd be living on the streets! the audacity of her aunt is astounding.
N.M.E chapter 25 . 7/23/2008
Aw..this story was so cute! I loved it! It was great to read! Loved it!
JCC chapter 24 . 7/19/2008
i just spent a very, very, very long time reading this entire story because it is absolutely amazing! My only criticism are a few typos, but who really cares about those. This was really interesting and well written and I loved it.
Evenstar1389 chapter 14 . 7/19/2008
I cant believe this... i finally learned what a mary Sue was. Kaitlyn is like the perfect girl who is constantly victimised. the characters in this story are too fake that im skipping to the end..
geminibaby6789 chapter 3 . 7/18/2008
Thanks for the story! I love it so far! :)
sunflower.kiss chapter 24 . 7/17/2008
But... but... but... you never mentioned anything about Aunt Patty and when they left and about their BIRTHDAY! GAH! I wanted to see Kaitlyn kiss her ass... :[
sunflower.kiss chapter 23 . 7/17/2008
God, I am so angry. She forgives too easily. Damn you Kaitlyn. If it was me, I would have been like, "Keep dremaing..."
DOMOxKUN chapter 25 . 7/15/2008
OMG. I cried so many times in this story and I was eating with my brothers and I was thinking about the story I started CRYING! I swear my brothers think I'm emo or something now. Ahaha~

Anyway, I just wanted to drop a review and tell you how much I loved your story- especially Jason. I most certainly LOVED Jason and if he suddenly popped out of my laptop first thing i'd do is kiss him
shesabeautyx chapter 25 . 7/12/2008
I definietly applaud your writing skills. You do have exceptional talent, and I enjoyed reading this story... a lot.

I did feel as if some of the characters were a bit flat though.

Like Kaitlyn for example... all we saw of her is the perfect high school cliche. You gave her a backbone at some points of the story, and make her completely lack it in others. I think her character should have been written a lot more in depth, esp. considering the fact that she is the main protagonist.

Ash was a jerk for like.. 99.9 percent of the story. What does Kaitlyn see in him again? I think the transition between their dislike for each other and the point where they started getting along should have been a lot more clearer. I didn't really understand how they got along all of a sudden.

Also... it wasn't really clear why she chose to open up so much to Ash. Why did she trust him with her secrets that she had never told anyone else?

And in the end. It's like.. she just forgave him even after everything he's done to her. I would've understood if he was there after she went to him after the huge fight with her aunt, but he completely turned her away. A man in love would never stand to see his lover hurting like that.

Further more, why was Kaitlyn friends with someone like Karen? This is one of the points where she lacks a backbone because it seems to me the way you described her, shed be the kind of person to completely be aganist such a character.

Plus, Jason and Kaitlyn got super close at the end all of a sudden... I didn't really understand that either.

Okay, I'm done with the critism part, and hopefully you haven't given up on this review cause I do have a few bits to praise.

I love the writing style and technique that you used. The first chapter was totally attention getting and obviously SOMETHING made me sit through all 26 chapters and read the entire thing. You have major talent, and with a few details and more scenes and elaboration this story could be amazing.

I adored the friendship between Kaitlyn and Paiton. I think Paiton was one of my favorite characters, just because she was so well rounded.

And that scene where Kaitlyn walked in on Karen and Ash? My eyes were seriously tearing up. And I sincierly can applaud any author that can envoke that kind of emotion in a reader... and fine, I'm a crybaby and hopeless romantic, but I think it furthur showcases your talent.

Keep writing, I did enjoy this story a lot. Good job :)
Revel in the Night chapter 24 . 7/12/2008
WOW! I loved it! Hope you keep writing! D
lea chapter 24 . 7/11/2008
First of all I want to tell you that I think you are a good writer. I like the overall plot of this story and enjoyed the dramatic twists and turns of it all.

However, I didn't really like most of the characters. I did like Kaitlyn, but only sympathized with her to a certain extent, probably because she seemed to me to be a very weak character. She can certainly give a good tongue lashing and stand up for herself occasionally, but other times I was pissed off at her lack of a backbone. Ash treats her like crap, yet she just jumps at the chance to be with him. Jason and Kaitlyn suddenly seem close at the end of the story, despite the cruel things he said to hurt her.

Perhaps Kaitlyn is just a more forgiving character than I would like, but I think more in-depth development of your characters would better explain motivations for their actions.

That being said, I really did enjoy your story and thought it was very creative and captivating. I hope I didn't come off as rude, I just wanted to share my opinion.

Congrats on the nomination for the skow awards!
187 | « Prev Page 1 .. 2 3 4 5 6 .. Last Next »