Reviews for In the Shadow of Obsidian Empire
Oyuki chapter 25 . 7/10/2008
what can i say about this story? man, ups and downs. i totally hated cindy and her parents and i would have liked to see them get out of kait's house for good. ash was an ass but redeemed himself, as any true hero should. heehee. i highly encourage you to post your rewrite of this as maybe a different version of the story. i would also like to see a little more in detail about how kait won prom queen, her campaigning and such. you did a great job with cindy. i really hate her. maybe elaborate more on kait's parents story, or kait's feelings about her parents supposedly not loving her. there was enough drama in this story but i have always loved drama. great story. it's awesome as is. i hope you didn't take offense to any of my suggestions.
Jae chapter 24 . 7/6/2008
Pretty good story. Though there were many different parts when I've become extremely pissed off at a character. I really don't understand why Kaitlyn would even want Ash for all the crap he had forced upon her. I mean, I understand they were "meant" to be together, but somehow I felt that if Kaitlyn had such a backbone (around her aunt/uncle and school-wise), she would have been fed up with Ash and dump him once and for all.

In the end, I felt that my favorite character would have to be Paiton. She had seem somewhat more "real" to me then others.

I did enjoy the craziness drama of the story though.
HeatherLee chapter 24 . 3/4/2008
aww absolutely adorable story! all of the characters were well defined, even the side ones for the most part. you were good at setting the mood but not so much setting the sene. you could have done a bit more to describe their actual surroundings. also, i didnt realize they were in Canada until like 3/4 of the way through. another thing, Aunt Patty mentioned something about some kind of police or something? but she used their initials or something...next time you might want to use the whole words because i had to but 2 and 2 together to realize you probably meant police (right?). another thing that slightly bugged me was the whole "i'm kicking you out of the group" thing. i know that it technically works that way in high school especially but usually people dont talk like that, like its some kind of secret society. it sounds a little "Mean Girls" ish. not that i think you took ideas from that movie, just the whole "group" thing. if you left everything the same but didnt have anyone talk about a "specific" group and who they were kicking out or leaving in, i think that part of the story would be more believable. another thing was that you over used the statment "he has a funny way of showing it" if you wanted to use that twice, you should have had Kaitlyn mention that she had said it more than once, like "it seemed like i was using that phrase a lot" that way you acknowledge that you have used it before. the only other thing i have to comment on is that even though your title is unique, it set me off a bit at first. i understand what the meaning is of course and it makes sense, but when i first read the title i thought it was going to be a story set in the middle ages or something, with kings and queens. by all means leave it, its still a good title and once i read the story it fit perfectly, it just put me off at first. again, let me say how amazing this story truly was. you did an exellent job and i hope you continue to write in the future.

~Heather
Duuude chapter 10 . 1/3/2008
Wee. I love this story! Sorry for commenting so late into it. Heheh.

Anyway, I cannot wait until everyone finds out her father's the dude from Obsidian Fire. Drama is guaranteed! Haha. I'll leave for now. Muhuhahahah.]
lovehurtz911 chapter 24 . 12/17/2007
did katelyn kick out her aunt...and cindy?
cherrypiesizzle chapter 1 . 9/12/2007
This story's pretty interesting
givelifeyurall chapter 24 . 9/2/2007
aw...its like a cinderella story , one of the better versions.
willow chapter 14 . 8/29/2007
I'm a little confused. A lot of times you make references in the story to Kaitlyn's virginity being a secret, like when she was talking to Ash before, and later when Jason tells her that Ash told him to hurt her, but everyone already found out when they played 'I Never' at the party.
Bluestreamer chapter 24 . 8/6/2007
I am really surprised you havnt had more reviews!

I read this nonstop today and finished it.

LOVEE it. Great story.
LadyLush chapter 24 . 8/4/2007
i loved this story and i was unsure whether kaitlyn and ash would get together but they did and i was so happy lol. i think the way kaitlyns aunt treated her was a bit like how the dursleys treated harrypotter but it so worked in this story and you are a fantastic writer with a fantastic story lol

x
Kathleen Moon chapter 24 . 8/2/2007
definately cute...great job writing the story! good luck with your others!
ItalianQT chapter 24 . 5/22/2007
Cute story! :-)
dsdg chapter 1 . 3/17/2007
sniff sniff lol cuz my name is cindy! lolz
JoeyLi chapter 24 . 3/4/2007
First off, you're a good writer, it was very well written. However, i honestly didn't like any of the characters.

First Kaitlyn, um, what is she thinking? I would've blown my head by the seond chapter. I think you should detail her character a little bit more, all i saw was how she took all that criticism, inwardly agonizing over it, yet didn't physically deal with it. If you explained that Kaitlyn was an opressed person or was afraid, or maybe even emotionless, maybe i would have gotten it. However, i see her stick up for her friends and her power at school and that just throws me way off at why Kaitlyn reacted to some situations the way she did.

Second is Ash. Man, Ash was a bastard and a half, how could Kaitlyn even forgive him after all hes done to her? I read up to chapter eighteen and i got pissed off so i stopped reading. Reading thist story, i was hoping it was a coming of age story, where she realizes that the people around her cannot define her existence, yet there she was, epilogue, with all the people she dispised. And maybe more about her parents other than that one chapter were samantha explained everything.

Anyway, I know you are a good writer, i can see that, but I think there needs to be more tapping in into the characters, would you have forgiven Ash if all he does is say sorry after all that crap hes done to her? And her aunt? i would've moved away in an instant then come to claim teh house and screw them over when i turned eighteen. I guess i can come to terms with her if i think it in terms of cinderella and how she was oppressed, but at least it seemed more real in the sense it was only her family.

Anyway, If that sounded harsh, I'm sorry, but I had to address what the story made me feel. This isn't discouragement and i do hope you write more stories because you can only improve, just try to think out more elaborately the chracter development and personality. So, till next time. keep writing in the free world.

Joey
britty-tt chapter 24 . 1/2/2007
I love your story! It's so good and the whole secret daughter of famous rock star thing is so cool! You can tell by reading your story you put alot of effort and thought into writing it. The characters are really easy to relate to and if you cant relate to characters then the story isnt worth reading. Your plot is somewhat cliched but also very original in its own way.
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