It is odd...very fragmented, it conveys the idea of whispers randomly overheard. It's not bad it's just not..I don't find it's a fair expression of your talent, though I do understand that this is your account for experimental poetry :-P.

effin brilliant. it's hard to find poetry like this anymore- that beautiful kind of poetry that conveys so much through so little means. great job. keep writing

vague, but that's definately not a bad thing. good job.

I love it. Very . . . hm. I can't find the right word at the moment. But I love it. The way you explain a creamtion/death, and the dialogue of the people. Very 'life-goes-on' sort of thing like in e.e cummings's 'anyone lived in a pretty how town.' At least, that's what comes to mind for me. Very nice. It leaves a nice impression.

Eerie in its brokenness. The whole disjointed effect makes this like the whispering of ghosts, and malevolent ones at that. It's a whole lot darker because of that, and nearly frightening. There's this whole looming-shadow thing going on throughout the whole piece. A little scary. In a good way.

some strange cremation...or something.

i don't like how choppy it is, but the idea is fascinating.

it reminds me of a death ritual for some reason. I like the line 'father time rewinding' It's a good poem.

it is such a quick read, gorgeous & precise and just amazingly conveyed. it may not be your best but some of the lines are just...beautiful/heartrendering. this blew me away.

~* noelle