sarah1491 chapter 1 . 10/7/2006
Wow, nice poem. :) I love it!

Nikhil chapter 1 . 2/17/2006
nice work i liked the end...tis was kinda gets muddled up in da middle don it?i dunno thas wat i think i maybe wrong...anyway keep it goin
Sakura Taking chapter 2 . 2/14/2006
Whoa... awesome job! Interesting descriptions. Good vocab and conclusion. Great work!
Formerly chapter 2 . 2/8/2006
Your rhymes are forced, and your "story" is severely hurt by both that and the horrendous meter.

I'm no poet, and I know it, but I can hardly believe your arrogance. The only thing that can with any degree of accuracy be learned from this poem is how not to write.

See, I have no problem with people criticizing my work-I make no quibbles about "constructive criticism" and "flames," it's all the same. But if you're going to tell me to look at your own profile to learn how to write, you'd better be DAMN GOOD. You're not.

Incidentally, watch the commas-you don't know how to use them right, and though they can be used to set rhythm, this is too much.
brokendreams21 chapter 2 . 2/6/2006
Whoa. (My bad. I take back all weird things I said about myself from my other chapter. Just ignore everything that I did say except for my comments on your poem. Please, no one hunt me down.) Anyways, back to the poem. Whoa. That's...insanely good. Wow. Talk about obstacles overcome. Such interesting things described...the devil too...Nice concluding last line! Great job!
sneha chapter 2 . 2/6/2006
i really liked this part. i thought it spoke of a part of us which we know not of or refuse to acknowledge. the title was absolutely appropriate. p.s. did you dedicate it to me?really? if you did, it meant a lot. just wanted to say-thank you. all the best!
Sanjana chapter 2 . 2/6/2006
WOW! unexpected, but unbelievable ending! After the first chapter I thought it was going to be a melodramatic ending, but it was quite the opposite...elements of strange meeting, but in your own way...COOL rock on.
angelicdust chapter 2 . 2/5/2006!hav just one word for this.. "brilliant". BUt u dint actually say wat made u do all this.. ok though the poem doznt deal with it.. I'm not complainin..coz this waz one awesome thing..i especially luvd da "He waited for the devil to fall,All pride lost, soul hollowed."...gr8 wrk nb!

brokendreams21 chapter 1 . 2/5/2006
That's just insane. The vocab is just...vast and the poem was so deep. Now I am swimming in a pool of big words and confusion. Joyous. (That's okay though...happens everyday.) You dedicated it to...Sneha? What? Wow. I introduce her to the site...yeah. I think I know her. She goes to my my class. Hm. Very goo poem. So much meaning! Great job!
sneha chapter 1 . 1/27/2006
that was very impressive but sometimes you read a poem, think it's great, appreciate the poet but at the same time can't help feeling that the poet could have made it simpler and yet have made his point... this was one of them. i liked your style of writing, though. all the best!
the-patron-saint-of-the-denial chapter 1 . 1/22/2006
it's a very good effort. it's got a lot of mysterious imagery... but i guess that IS the whole concept..very good vocabulary but a bit too reliant on complication...the best poetry is one tht is simple in essence... it's gothic... n sorta stereotypical. call me naive but it looks vaguely familiar... in all a very good effort. thats about all i gotta say
Kim chapter 1 . 1/21/2006
This is like so cool!awesome! I knew you had it in you, but this is beyond my wildest expectations. I know what you were writing about, and I know it's over now, so I'm happy for you. Although this is a masterpiece, here's hoping that you'll write a happy poem next time around. :p
yenka chapter 1 . 1/21/2006
hey i did review t n ...itz awesome ...din knw u could write so well wish kt could c this ..shed b proud m i actually, k nw im losin t eitherwayz luved t ...n hope u write 1 4 me one day ha? kiddin nice ...keep writin n m sure ull get more ppl 2 appreciate t ...m not that great at allthis but all i can say was that i likedt ...bye
angelicdust chapter 1 . 1/17/2006
Yay! first review...luved da figures of sppech used...and this"Reach out to the mirage of a shore,

As I drown in this Ocean of Fleece." was like so good!...

there's just one word..."beautiful.",.. Great job!.. this may sound cliche'.. but still keep it goin