Reviews for The Coriolis Effect Rough Draft
The Ascended Ancient chapter 25 . 1/2/2007
This is an excellent story, and I can't wait for more. Please update soon!
The Ascended Ancient chapter 24 . 7/26/2006
This story is incredible. Just the raw amount of detail you're included about absolutely everything is outstanding. The character relationships are not only interesting, but feel real. And the action scenes are described so well I can visualize what's happening. Keep up the good work.
Solemn Coyote chapter 24 . 6/21/2006
The plot continues. Of course, the writing also comes to a stop. I'd like to see a part 2 up, eventually if not soon. There's enough character developement to make me care about what happens next. Besides, if your simulation scene is any indication, the combat should be worth reading for its own sake. As far as critiques go, I liked the detail about the 'snow planet'. It really is pretty unlikely that people would find a world with only one dominant geography, especially if it was supporting life. It's even less likely that people would settle on a Hoth.
Solemn Coyote chapter 21 . 6/21/2006
Another solid chapter. I'm glad you're taking the time to develope the characters in between events. I like the use of the mess hall as a device for character developement. It does make it a little hard to focus on a particular character, but you've already spent some time developing the characters individually. No real critique here.
Solemn Coyote chapter 20 . 6/21/2006
This is a cool sequence. It allows a surprising number of characters to interact, develope, and it adds it bit more background to the world of Coriolis. While I like the point of the discussion about the Flutes, I have a mixed mind about whether I like them being in the story at all. They do make the universe a little more interesting, but I've always been of the opinion that aliens would be a little more...alien, I guess. Making them real and mortal and a little less advanced than humans feels like it takes some of the magic out of sci-fi. But, of course, this is an opinion and not a critique. It's a good, thoughtful chapter regardless of my views.
Solemn Coyote chapter 19 . 5/20/2006
“Well, the most notable was the Ajax that discovered Corio-”And the plot thickens. Nice way to slip in a little bit of world-detail without calling too much attention to it.
Solemn Coyote chapter 18 . 5/20/2006
There is one word to describe this sequence, and that word is "awesome". I can't really critique it as I should, because it's way over my level of ability. Try to keep this in mind when you write. Not for ego purposes, of course, but to remind yourself of your strengths. I'd like to read more sequences like this one, and your story would be enriched by them.
Solemn Coyote chapter 16 . 5/20/2006
Alright. I hate to be that reviewer. The one who nitpicks a critical detail and compromises some important section of the plot. Still, I feel I have to point this out. If doing so causes problems for the plot, feel free to curse loudly. Or, if I'm completely wrong with this nitpick, feel free to ignore it. Okay, here goes: why would Haz need a flight suit if the graduation combat is going to be simulated? Unless it interfaces with the simulators, I'm not sure why he couldn't perform the combat in jeans and a t-shirt (well, aside from professional dignity). I like his conversation with Brigit about the flight suits, and I'd like to see it stay in the story. You wrote a good chapter here, and I'm hoping this nitpick doesn't cause a problem.
The Ascended Ancient chapter 19 . 5/20/2006
still very good. Not entirely sure where the hell this story is going, but still very good.
The Ascended Ancient chapter 18 . 5/19/2006
I love the combat detail you provide. It really keeps things interesting.
The Ascended Ancient chapter 17 . 5/9/2006
Still a great story. loving the level of detail you put into it.

Just one thing: I think you mispelled the title of chapter 17. Shouldn't it be "simulation" instead of "sumulation"?
The Ascended Ancient chapter 15 . 5/9/2006
Very, very interesting so far. While the story is a little more slow-paced than I usually prefer, the amount of depth it has more than makes up for it.

PS: That cadet at the Academy got was he deserved.
Jill chapter 15 . 5/8/2006
Very very very good so far, an interesting read, and possibly the best new work on this site. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out who your influences in writing are- you write much to well for someone who doesn't have an influence. The stuff I can see is Sun Tzu and John Boyd' work on military strategy, command, and morale. Keep up the good work!
erinshadow chapter 16 . 5/4/2006
I like where this is heading, you're finally out of the introduction work, and can begin on your story! (Which, of course, I think we're all looking forward to)

Can't wait to read your first combat scene! Keep them coming!
Solemn Coyote chapter 15 . 5/2/2006
Unarmed combat. Not what I expected in an interstellar feudal story, but very well done. The sequences were complex and informative, and frankly, Matthew deserved it.I do have to make a brief note about time-lapse. You used it a couple of times here after avoiding it for a while. Be careful. Time-lapse is addictive stuff. It lets you skip directly to the meat of the story, sometimes bypassing character developement or plot explaination. I don't think it's a problem here, because of the nature of the chapter. Just be careful.
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