|Reviews for Deeper Darkness, Eternal Light|
| Meihan chapter 1 . 2/12/2006
its pretty good. the rhythem was alright. i sux at writing poems. well keep up the good work
| hidden-rose chapter 1 . 2/2/2006
mwahahahaha. i am evil. rawr! u know who this is. rawr. and u know what i am writing cause i am writing this and u are right next to me. well, anyways i just wanted to do this, cause i'm crazy! hahahaha lol! and i am not hyper!
| Zhyghar Zhyll chapter 1 . 1/20/2006
You were correct about the rythm - it could easily be improved and the overall iambic tetrameter is a good vehicle for this type of poem. I get the impression though that you really don't or didn't know what you were trying to convey. Many things seem a bit surreal in the poem and unexplained. Some of the rhyme seems a bit trite but that is a problem with rhyme. I wonder if you could say in one sentence the purpose of the poem? I have found that is a good aid in learning to write good poetry.
| Marioh chapter 1 . 1/20/2006
I like the poem. I like how the bird shines a light on ur day, that would otherwise be filled with darkness. I like the rhyme at certain spots, at others it just sounds a bit redundant or infantile: ''coal'' and ''soul''; ''say'' and ''day'' to give too examples. Most of the rhyming, although, does give it a great flow, but maybe reducing it a bit would make the poems tone improve.
I would also dwell more on the aspect of the darkness u mention in the beggining, as to the reader it isnt as clear as the light shone afterwards. By clarifying the first, the second would also shine brighter due to their juxtaposition, so i guess that would improve ur poem as a whole.
| Lauren Wolfe chapter 1 . 1/20/2006
I like this...reminds me of sweet little memories, really...rhymes are okay, poem's good. Keep on writing! .
| Princess-anna57 chapter 1 . 1/20/2006
I like it! _ yay, go you! You're good! Keep writing!