|Reviews for we were transparent|
| Genevieve chapter 1 . 3/28/2010
Well, i don't know much about poetry, but that poem reminded me of the stuff that you read in the New Yorker
| tonight we bloom chapter 1 . 7/11/2009
Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous.
"We never were gardeners, but explorers." That is completely stunning, it took my breath away and completely drew me into your poem. I especially loved how the ending connected to the first line.
| drippingdreams chapter 1 . 4/23/2006
"We were frantic when we dreamed" -amazing.
I love your poetry, and I'm not much for poetry most of the time.
| Ajna chapter 1 . 3/26/2006
I love the inconsistency of the format, it goes so well with the poem. I love the way you worded this. :)
| in theory chapter 1 . 3/6/2006
"We never were gardners but explorers" that line is so expressive and powerful to 's like you're saying you didn't do the average, tending-routine you just went out there and prepared to either get wrecked or start a new garden. I like it a lot. Great job.
| no.peace.los.angeles chapter 1 . 2/17/2006
I love how you connected the beginning and the end of the poem like that. Wonderful. This is just a fantastic piece of writing. I like the use of science terms in this...I can't really do that b/c I don't know science that well, but I've used journalism terms in at least one poem I've written, and it worked. Anyways, yes, wonderful piece. Keep writing! :)
| mizu no kokoro chapter 1 . 2/15/2006
wow the language in this was quite exquisite nicely done!
| Jecai chapter 1 . 2/4/2006
This is excellent. We do seem to be preprogrammed sometimes. Cold superconductors. 'We were particles...' was my favorite line.
| classic violet chapter 1 . 1/24/2006
Simply awesome. A gem to be treasured. Magnificent!
| I wish i could fly chapter 1 . 1/22/2006
i like this a lot, i feel like i've said it before but i love how you mix science and poetry because so many people thnk that the two don't fit, but i've always thought that science is so poetic. maybe it's just because i'm a nerd. anyway, wonderful
| Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 1/20/2006
I saw his crooked nosebefore I heard his laugh.-I really get this! I think in terms of what I notice - I always see the little details first, even the unique ones, like if someone has a gap between their teeth or crooked noses. I notice if someone has a freckle on their face long before I hear their name. But I think as writers, that’s kind of what we’ve trained ourselves to do.
we were sixteen, and we shivered, raw uncertainty,from so much heat.-I think I still feel that raw uncertainty now, even though I’m a long way from sixteen. I still experience that revelation that after this moment everything after it is going to be different. No matter what happens you won’t ever feel the same again. I like knowing that I still get that way, but at the same time I hate it. I wish I could be just one of those go with the flow kind of people, but instead I always categorize and scrutinize every little detail or word or action. I prepare for changes long before they happened. I can’t handle the shock or the sudden let down.
You brought me a tulip.-I love that you said that (if it were me it would be lilies) but I hate roses - their so inside-the-box, I need a little more imagination through my love tokens.
Wonderful poem (per your usual) I really enjoyed it. I think it’s far from raw uncertainty - try raw brilliance.
| rocket baby doll chapter 1 . 1/20/2006
'we were never gardeners but explorers...' i unno.. i'd have to quote the entire damn piece im so in love with it. good job!
| crusoeing chapter 1 . 1/20/2006
Well, what can I say? You get better and better. Your words leave me mesmerized.
| chaos called creation chapter 1 . 1/20/2006
The ending sounds like a haiku, very picturesque. There are lovely lines in this especially 'We never were gardeners, but explorers. ' which really jumped out at me. The second stanza is a bit confusing though. Since you first stated that light travels faster than sound...maybe 'i saw the sun set before i heard his laugh?' Besides that it was wonderful. Keep writing
| a lonely september chapter 1 . 1/20/2006
'a cluster of worms soaked up the fresh rain' i've never heard it said so beautiful. i've never considered it more than natural, but you made it that way. 'we were sixteen, and we shivered, raw uncertaintly from so much heat' beautiful.