|Reviews for With a Fairy Hand in Hand|
| The Mumbling Sage chapter 6 . 6/22/2007
Conall's so cute when he wakes up in the mornings.
'"Don't you want to go sailing?" said one little fairy, peering with a beady eye into his face.'- Is it just me, or is 'beady' a sort of icky term to use to describe a fairy's eye?
'They looked good, and they smelt good,'- is it smelt or smelled good? Smelt is a sort of fish, I know...
Hmm...I don't trust the little crooked man for some reason.
'The fairies chuckled, and a few of them began to shrink slowly in size...'- If Conall is shrinking, wouldn't the fairies grow in size?
'She was dressed in a smart little pink dress, a darker rose shade of pink...',- a darker rose shade of pink that what? Or what is the darker shade of rose pink?
Are the fairies really shallow or are they just giving the Princess the only compliments they can?
...Guess they're sort of shallow.
A description of Tipsy and Topsy would work here. Are they twins or something?
Cute song. Very fairy-ish.
I have to admit, I'm unsure if Princess Apple Blossom is a fake or not.
So if Tipsy is an Irish fairy, what of the other fairies? Are they just less Irish?
'When she thought about her hair, Apple Blossom thought for a moment she would assert her position as a Princess and scold Tipsy for being so disrespectful of her.' - you said 'thought' twice in that sentance. It only throws me off a little, but I'm sort of obsessive about that.
' and throwing respectful kisses to the Princess, who shouted greetings to them (though she felt that perhaps it might be more appropriate to nod regally as she passed[)].'
I wonder how big the waterfall is in poportion to their size?
The fairys are very childlike. Are they immortal like most fairys? And if so, how old are they really?
"But I must admit it was very amusing to see you do it, since I'm not very attached to you." - I loved that line! It's all so sweet and callous and sort of snarky at the same time.
Is it gallantry or chivalry that the cluricaun lacks? Chivalry has a bit more to do with the opposite sex, while I think of gallantry as in relation to courage...
Uh, oh...what don't we (or more accuratly, the fairys) want Conall to find out now?
'"Conall[,] stay close to us."
"Not that, of course, you couldn't, because we're all on this boat together, but I'm sure you know what I mean."- Yeah, and this sentance took a bit of puzzling. It could be rephrased 'Not that you could wander, of course' or something in your own words that amounts to the same thing. It's just that Conall can't wander, but 'not that you couldn't' is a sort of double-negative.
'the Princes[s] added, in a kinder tone'
Should 'cluricaun' be capitalized when they address him by it? You capitalize 'Princess' even when not giving her full name, although I'm not sure that fairy species count as titles.
"After all those wine cellars, doesn't sitting at such a height make you dizzy[?]"
'...and he['ll] scowl harder for [your] being impertinent to him."
"I think I'm much safer ignoring him [take out the comma you had here] than pretending he doesn't exist.'
They had passed the darker section of the woods, and [now] the light fell upon them again, and everything brightened gorgeously"
'And then the woods grew dark. It was exceedingly odd to everyone that it should be dark...' used 'dark' twice really close together
The Princess is so nonchalant. It's an interesting trait for her character and pretty fairy-ish
Although you change POV a bit in this chapter (3rd-person omniscient, I guess) which I don't remember you doing before.
| The Mumbling Sage chapter 5 . 4/28/2007
'It couldn't be said that...wasn't at all frightened'- this just sounds a little strange, with the double negatives. I know what you're trying to say, so it does work out, but don't so that too often.
I'm glad he has a fairly godmo- er, matron-mother. Heh-heh. It's just so darn cute! I could hug everbody in this story! *does so*
*looks up with arms full of fairies* Hmm...is Margaret a very fairy-ish name? It struck me as a bit Christian, which I don't know would work very well with fairies. But then, I'm a total ignoramus of the name's history, and it does beet 'Titania'. (Er...will she be showing up soon?)
Oh look! A fairy queen!
Hmm...I've read a bit of Shakespeare recently, and these fairys seem a bit like that. I'm glad they aren't little pansy Victorian flower-fae. But anyway...I'm thinking Mab would be an awesome name for a fairy now.
Bridget and Brigid...I assume the similarity in name is deliberate. Interesting. As I can recall, it's never a very good thing to have a fairy jealous of you...
Um...is the honey he's drinking mead? Or do fairies get sugar-highs? (When they mention getting him drunk I figured the first, but maybe it's just the sugar content of X glasses of honey)
Hm...I'm liking this chapter, but it's very long. Too late now, but I'm thinking it could have been split a few times here (like when Conall fell asleep). Maybe in later chapters you would try making them shorter...
| The Mumbling Sage chapter 4 . 4/28/2007
You said 'the woods' twice in the first two sentances. You might want to change on to 'the forest' or some such.
Yeah, I'm a repetitious-work freak.
Cluricaun sounds rather funny. Maybe I just like the idea of a drunk lepracaun.
And I like your descriptions of the fairies, although isn't Conall a little young to be ensnared by even the prettiest female? Wouldnt' she be a bit...old for him?
Oh! So that's the fairy matron! I almost expected the matron to be a bit older looking...but I suppose a dumpling-shaped fairy isn't that likely, 'cept for the guy sitting next to her.
Aww...poor Brigid. Mean fairies! Although at least Phelan knows she was telling the truth now.
| The Mumbling Sage chapter 3 . 4/21/2007
I like your description here, although...a little older- than when? I assume since the last chapter, bu it doesn't really fit without and idea of itmescheme.
'Conal was playing...it consisted of using his imagination, which is sometimes quite hard to tell from a distance'- I love those sentances! So true!
*goes into long reminice about how she never sees kids using their imaginations while playing anymore, etc*
'But she didn't care if they were reluctant, provided they brought him back to her' Oh, foreshadowing! I think. I hope. I trust.
Well, I don't blame the fairies for wanting to kidnap Conall...though I suppose I should...
He's so cute, though!
| The Mumbling Sage chapter 2 . 4/21/2007
Hmm...Brigid and Phelan have a 'cutesy' way of talking. Sweet.
Hmm...trying to think of setting here. Ireland? 19th, 20th century? Recent I take it, given the 'Mrs'.
Heh. This Keane is rather likeable, in a bustling boisterous busybody way.
I have to admit, I'm not very used to the gushy-family sweetness except on the published page. It's different on an Internet screen. I'm less patient with it, I guess. But in all fairness, it's very sweet, still realistic, and refreshing as I haven't seen much of this on Fictionpress.
Still, this chapter contians a lot of...well, almost sappyness, and nothing seems to be happening yet.
Although I'm going to venture a guess that Brigid's baby is going to be taken by fairies.
Oh! you haven't named him yet!
| The Mumbling Sage chapter 1 . 4/18/2007
While the plot and writing are pleasant, there are parts in this chapter which seem a bit info-dumpy. I'll have more to say later, but I'm short on time now- I'll give some in-depth on the next chapter!
| Lirra chapter 5 . 4/17/2007
This is very prettily written!
A few things to consider though...
Make sure that things haver a purpose. Like in the earlier chapter, when the random woman walked in, picked up the baby, and then left...there needs to be a reason for her visit, otherwise it doesnt make sense.
Alsoo, jsut watch your grammar, and try not to repeat words too much in the same paragraph.
But it was a lovely read, great job! _
| Aisling Grey chapter 4 . 7/30/2006
Beautiful story. You did an excellent job. You write like one of my favorite fantasy writers: George MacDonald. He wrote books like Lilith and Phantasy.
But perhaps, for "With a Fairy Hand in Hand" you should call them 'faeries' rather than the simple 'fairies'. When one thinks of 'fairies' you think of tiny creatures flitting about flowers and giggling and behaving 'nicely'. But 'faeries' are more...alluring. They have a dark side to them. They're more mysterious and dangerous. But it's up to you. It's your tale.
As a good friend always tells me "Fantastic!".
| somethingsup chapter 2 . 1/25/2006
I like how you give descriptions as to what the characters are doing. _
| brownbear chapter 1 . 1/22/2006
I think you have a good beginning here. The imigary is very good. You might want to edit it before posting. There weren't a lot of errors, just some commas that shouldn't be there. Like, "She, watched, fascinated..." There shouldn't be a comma after "she". Other than that, great job! I can't wait for the next chapter.
| tiffanishee chapter 1 . 1/22/2006
Excellently written so far. _ Nice job.