|Reviews for The Getaway|
| in your head chapter 1 . 9/11/2007
Nice depiction of emotion. I just hoped though it was longer. )
| Levana chapter 1 . 9/10/2007
I know absolutely nothing about cars but I still liked this. I;ve always been fond of stories with cryptic endings and this wasn't too long.
| M.D.Irvine chapter 1 . 8/31/2007
ah interesting one-shot. im guessing it is an open-ended one-shot right? I thought the beginning thoughts of *the Driver* was catchy. I wondered why he wanted to getaway in the first place, why he decided that this would be his last job- so maybe more background info. The parts about shifting gears made me smile-reminding me of when i started to learn to drive a stick shift and the amount of times i forgot to lift my foot from the clutch and the car went off- sorry im getting sidetracked.
A few other things, I dont know what the E-brake is, maybe you could explain that. also 65 mph -might be good to type out miles per hour instead of using the units the first time anyway then you could just have fifth gear-120- sixth- 165 and not bother putting mph because we'll understand :-)
I'm not sure I understood the end. So to confirm what I think happened, the driver decided he would never be able to escape the game so he gets sucked right back in it.
| pete's sake delete the account chapter 1 . 8/30/2007
"What he’d do after he returned from this life of crime, he’d never know." Master Chief, why did you say he would never know? Are you trying to clue the reader in that he won't get away? And do you mean "returned from" or "escaped from"?
I'll be honest, there are a few things in this story (mostly having to do with the car and the mechanics of it) that I don't completely understand, and you have some minor grammatical errors (those complicated commas!). But I like it anyway. It's nice that things don't turn out perfectly, with him living an "honest" life as a bartender in the Caribbean or something. Defeat can be refreshing when we've had enough of Hollywood's sugary endings.
But I think you ought to consider putting more into his realization. It's kind of abrupt, and we don't know enough about the character to care much whether he gets out or not. Can you tell us more about him, give us more insight into why he needs out and who he is (internally, I mean) and why we readers should care if he escapes? It's a good story, I liked it, but it's not yet great. You need to give it a spark, make it matter that he gives up. Raise our hopes and our heartbeats, show us a specific reason why he needs to turn clean, and make his defeat important enough that we readers feel like our own dreams have been dashed. If you can add that little bit of life, that spark that makes the story matter, then it'll be fantastic.
| Mbwun chapter 1 . 4/6/2006
Rad. Reminds me of "The Transporter," only not crappy. I like the duality of his escape, and the futility of its outcome.
He Who Walks On All Fours
| lucid-psyche chapter 1 . 3/13/2006
Are you feeling okay? Because last I checked, you didn't do short stories. Welcome to the dark side.
Yeah. Just had to say that. Already told you my comments ages ago.
| wizeyy50 chapter 1 . 2/1/2006
Hey, very nice story you have here! I thought it was riveting, kept me entertained the whole way. I like your writing style, to me it's unique and is really descriptive. The flow was great and I like it at the end, it kinda reminded me of a scene from Transporter 2. Anyway, thanks for your good reviews on my story "Time Flight," which by the way I've added several chapters since your last visit :)
| c12f chapter 1 . 1/25/2006
I'm a real gearhead, so this story has an inherent appeal to me.(just ask Discipleoffuzzy who actually gave me the link to this story) I really like your descriptions, and the story itself. Very vivid. Are you planning to write more to this story? Really nothing I can suggest to change
| Chagan chapter 1 . 1/24/2006
Hmm, for some reason I didn't think there'd be an opening at the end. Is it a multi-chapter story?Anyways, stuff is described well as always, and the car stuff didn't make me zone out (which it usually does iin written form). Good stuff.
| DiscipleofFuzzy chapter 1 . 1/23/2006
dude. that rocked. of course, it's not like i expected anything less from the Master Chief. i definitely thoroughly enjoyed that. very nice rhythm, it went with the story perfectly. well done overall.