Reviews for Dreamland Saga
D.G. Fievre chapter 1 . 11/26/2007
Superb prologue, the beginning clinches the reader's attention, and holds it throughout the piece. I like where you're going with the story, and how you introduce your characters. Your sentences are vivid, and although the sheer amount of detail borders on the Nathaniel Hawthorne side, this is most certainly a good thing, especially when dealing with such a subject. I did find it a bit lengthy, I admit, but that is to be expected. The length in no way dissuaded me from reading the piece, and my interest is most certainly piqued.

Overall, great job. Ill be reading on, I can assure you. Keep up the great work!
Enne chapter 15 . 3/28/2007
aw, you're a cutie!

your bio ist so darling.

ver ver sci-fi. seriously. you keep true to the style by complex...y...ness... and lots of characters. very cool characters...but lots of em... by the 15th chapter thing smooth out, but its kinda hard to grasp in the begining chapter.

and DAMN you know a hell-of-a-lot bout mythology. Sir, you take the mythological cake...

(ahahaha, there is no cake. its a myth.)

keep up the ver ver good work. -hooked- -update soon-
GryphonFledglingOfSilverWings chapter 1 . 12/21/2006
Wow...

I think that my favorite part about this chapter was the journey through the abyss. It has a very definite feeling of Dante's Inferno to me while not exactly the same thing.

My only critism would be that you introduce quite a lot of characters and concepts in this one chapter and it is difficult to wrap your mind around one story line and begin to accept it and then suddenly be thrust into another in the same chapter...

But otherwise it is wonderful. I myself don't know much about Greek mythology, having never taken a class or been motivated to go deep into research, but I think I will now. Excellent work.

~GryphonFledglingOfSilverWings
Sandy chapter 1 . 12/18/2006
I have really enjoyed this story so far. Keep up the great work. I am anxious to read the rest.
Traxits chapter 14 . 12/17/2006
Well now, I especially like the new addition to the prologue. It's very insightful, and once more, I have to say that I love Artemis's character. It's very realistic.
Greek Boy chapter 14 . 12/13/2006
Alas...I have been owned...about my own mythology no less (well...sort of...Roman, Greek...same thing basically). Anyways, I am ashamed, and I bow down to your superior mythological knowledge.

*kneels, touches head to floor*

Now that groveling's done, I want to congradulate you on a well written story (so far) that has managed to pique my interest (but then again, most well-written stories about Greek mythology will). One thing I find slightly confusing (they take some getting used to) are the points of view that seem like they randomly change. The names are also slightly confusing, though both problems are probably from my lack of paying attention...reading fictionpress and writing a biology lab report is not good planning!

Anyways, continue on with you wonderful writing!

Greek Boy
EnemyWithin chapter 1 . 12/13/2006
Thank you for reading, GreekBoy, and I am glad you like it so far. I believe you're thinking of JUNO, that was Hera's Roman name. Jove was synomymous with Jupiter, and was used by Virgil in The Aenead. The names are rather similar I admit, but I did double check to be sure. Hope you enjoy the rest.
GreekBoy chapter 1 . 12/11/2006
Ok...well, so far I like it, but I have some issues with Jove.

You do know that Jove was the Roman name for the goddess HERA, not the god Zeus. His Roman name was Jupiter.

Anyways, I can't wait to read more, and just wanted to clarify why you named him after the Roman name of his "wife."

GreekBoy
Traxits chapter 3 . 11/24/2006
This review is actually for the new prologue, but it won't let me post it there since I've already reviewed the prologue. Anyway, I really like the new opening... it's much more gripping than the previous one. It also gives the story a more 'epic' feel, if that makes any sense at all.
Traxits chapter 11 . 11/18/2006
Well, this was a nice, intense chapter. I especially like the lull at the end, the bit with Roxanne. It was nice that you didn't forget to tell us what happened to her. As for chapter titles, what about "Descent into the Underworld"? Or maybe "Hidden Fears"? A good deal of it seems to focus on the new and surprising fears we discover that the heroes have, so... I'll let you know if I think of any more.
Traxits chapter 9 . 11/18/2006
I love Artemis. I love how she thinks, how she reacts... It's beautiful! However, I've noticed something about your writing that makes it a touch difficult to follow at times. You need to put character's actions and thoughts next to their dialogue, not before or after it on separate lines. Example:

For the first time since his explanation, Todd spoke up, trying to sound brave.

“I’m willing to give it a shot. It is probably safer than the alternative, and won’t alert Astaroth to our plans the moment we set out.” Now even Natsumi spoke up.

“Maybe it won’t be so bad. The creatures are bound to be mindless, and if we seem threatening enough they will leave us alone out of instinctive fear.” Dagger flashed a smile filled with irony.

“You don’t know the underground critters of Dreamland very well, do you? Not much frightens those creatures; I’ve seen one feed on a full-grown bear like a cat eating a mouse. It wasn’t pretty.”

It really seems like Natsumi was the one who said the first line of dialogue in that example, but after careful re-reading, I discovered that Todd had said it. Instead, you might try putting it like this:

For the first time since his explanation, Todd spoke up, trying to sound brave: “I’m willing to give it a shot. It is probably safer than the alternative, and won’t alert Astaroth to our plans the moment we set out.”

Now even Natsumi spoke up. “Maybe it won’t be so bad. The creatures are bound to be mindless, and if we seem threatening enough they will leave us alone out of instinctive fear.”

Dagger flashed a smile filled with irony. “You don’t know the underground critters of Dreamland very well, do you? Not much frightens those creatures; I’ve seen one feed on a full-grown bear like a cat eating a mouse. It wasn’t pretty.”
Traxits chapter 5 . 11/13/2006
Well, since my eyes are beginning to burn from reading too much on the computer, I guess I'll leave another review and stop for a little while.

I love the story so far, I really do. It's intriguing, it's fascinating, and it's original. The problem that I've had with it all so far is that everyone is simply too accepting without reason. Why would Azuran so quickly believe Todd about what happened? Also, some of the dialogue seems unnatural, such as Azuran's line from chapter four:

“Who are you, and why do you look like him?”

It just... I'm not sure what's wrong with it, it just doesn't sound like something natural to say. I wish I could explain it better, but if I think of anything, I'll send you a note.

Keep up the good work!
Traxits chapter 2 . 11/13/2006
Very nice. You have a good sense of detail in this part of the story, and I enjoyed reading it.
Traxits chapter 1 . 11/13/2006
This is a good opening, but it feels a bit crowded with characters. I know that I am NEVER going to be able to remember them all with just this kind of opening. Also, I recommend taking another look at the paragraph about Todd and Jaalek (I'll remember those two, for sure) because it feels like you keep saying their names too often. Maybe that's just me though.
Delandred chapter 1 . 11/4/2006
Sounds good so far, but is there a prequel to this? Anyway ill read the rest soon, but im pretty tired now, Thanks for the review, i didnt take offence, you were right, im not that great a writer, ill edit it soon.
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